Connect with us

Quotes

Ellen DeGeneres Quotes That Will Make You Progressive

Published

on

Ellen DeGeneres Quotes That Will Make You Progressive

Ellen Degeneres Quotes :Ellen Degeneres has become a worldwide whiz lately, however it wasn’t all plain coast for Ellen. accept in Louisiana in 1958 she burned through the bulk of her childhood maintaining chances sources of income waitressing, bartending and working in retail.Ellen Degeneres Quotes Having an energy for engaging individuals she beginning doing parody shows before little crowds at cafés and clubs, constantly picking up acknowledgment until she started to visit broadly in the mid 80’s.Ellen Degeneres Quotes  Her Film and TV profession began gradually as well, showing up in little spending shows before they were instantly dropped, her greatest break came when she began the sitcom These Friends Of Mine which was renamed Ellen after the main season.Ellen Degeneres Quotes …!!!

 

“It’s our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique”.Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen Degeneres Quotes

 “True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass”.Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen Degeneres Quotes

 “If we’re destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there’s got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that”.Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen Degeneres Quotes

“While I was doing stand-up, I thought I knew for sure that success meant getting everyone to like me. So I became whoever I thought people wanted me to be. I’d say yes when I wanted to say no, and I even wore a few dresses”.Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen Degeneres Quotes

 “We’re all supposed to be different. I want so badly to encourage everyone to say, “Who am I and how do I want to live my life”?Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen Degeneres Quotes

“Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth, and everything else will come”.Ellen DeGeneres

” I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated, and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values”.Ellen DeGeneres

” I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego”.Ellen DeGeneres

 “Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else’s expense. And I find that that’s just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else’s feelings”.Ellen DeGeneres

 “Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that”.Ellen DeGeneres

11. “I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that’s ever happened to me has taught me compassion”.Ellen DeGeneres

12. “I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules”.Ellen DeGeneres

13.  “Just go up to somebody on the street and say “You’re it!” and just run away.” – Ellen DeGeneres

14 . “I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.” – Ellen DeGeneres

15. “In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.” – Ellen DeGeneres

16. “The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren’t any space aliens. We can’t be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we’re not all there is. If so, we’re in big trouble.” – Ellen DeGeneres

17. “When she was 19 years old, her girlfriend was killed in a car accident, and she was living in a tiny, flea infested apartment, with no money, no heating and no electric”.Ellen DeGeneres

18. “Ellen has been in this career for over 30 years, and has taken her life from rock bottom to the top. She’s just been awarded the Medal of Freedom earlier on this week in the White House”.Ellen DeGeneres

19. “Just go up to somebody on the street and say “You’re it!” and just run away.” –Ellen DeGeneres

20. “I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.” – Ellen DeGeneres

21. “In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.” – Ellen DeGeneres

22. “The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren’t any space aliens. We can’t be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we’re not all there is. If so, we’re in big trouble.” – Ellen DeGeneres

23. “When I go hiking and I get over the hill, That means I am past the hard part and there is a snack in my future. That’s a good thing as far as I am concerned.” –Ellen DeGeneres

24. “But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let’s get our priorities straight. I think we all know what’s really important in life? winning an Oscar.” – Ellen DeGeneres

25. “I was coming home from kindergarten – well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It’s good for a kid to know how to make gloves.” – Ellen DeGeneres

26. “You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.” – Ellen DeGeneres

27. “Yeah [I’m thirty-six], but on the show I’m thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.” – Ellen DeGeneres

28. “Accept who you are unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres

29. “I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.” – Ellen DeGeneres

30. “We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.” – Ellen DeGeneres

31. “It’s our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that’s what I know for sure… I think.” – Ellen DeGeneres

32. “Procrastination isn’t the problem, it’s the solution. So procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres

33. “I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.” –Ellen DeGeneres

34. “If someone says you’re weird, say Thank You.” – Ellen DeGeneres

35. “Gratitude is looking on the brighter side of the life, even if it means hurting your eyes.” Ellen DeGeneres

36. “The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself.” Ellen DeGeneres

37. “There’s nothing I know for sure because I know for sure that things change.”Ellen DeGeneres

38. “We need more love in the world.”Ellen DeGeneres

39. “It’s nice when people love you, for you.” Ellen DeGeneres

40. “Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.” Ellen DeGeneres

41. “The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think people need to start shifting into joy and happiness. As corny as it sounds, we need to make a shift.”Ellen DeGeneres

42. “It’s our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting.” Ellen DeGeneres

43. “I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego.” Ellen DeGeneres

44. “I don’t really ever live my life in fear. I really live my life in gratitude and feeling positive for the most part.” Ellen DeGeneres

45. “When your heart is broken, when your heart has cracks in it, it lets the light in.” Ellen DeGeneres

46.“Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.” – Ellen DeGeneres

47. “I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren’t a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, I would really go over there and grab those signs and smash them over their heads and shove them up their asses. But…I’m a loving, spiritual person.” –Ellen DeGeneres

48. “Go to bed in your fireplace, you’ll sleep like a log.” – Ellen DeGeneres

49. “Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.” – Ellen DeGeneres

50. “The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.” – Ellen DeGeneres

51. “Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.” – Ellen DeGeneres

52. “You are never too old to play. You are only too old for low-rise jeans.” – Ellen DeGeneres

53. “I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I’m just like “shut up, shut up, shut up…blah blah blah blah blaaaaah.” – Ellen DeGeneres

 

Here We’ve Another Post On God Quotes That Will Teach You The Concept of Spiritualism






Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Quotes

Muhammad Ali Quotes

Published

on

Muhammad Ali Quotes

Muhammad Ali was a legendary boxer. He also had a fantastic way with words, and he became known for his inspirational quotes on life and success. Muhammad Ali is a famous person who people use to encourage them. They share his quotes, or they do what he says. In this article, we will explore Best Muhammad Ali Quotes that can inspire you!

Muhammad Ali was an athlete and a champion. He wasn’t just the best at what he did, but he embodied success in every aspect of his life. His quotes about success are inspirational and motivational. It would be difficult to choose just one quotation for this article since he had so many encouraging things to say about how success is obtained and maintained!

In his lifetime, he was the heavyweight champion for three different decades: 1964-1967; 1974-1978; and 1978-1979. Then in 1980, when he was 31 years old, he won the WBA title for the fourth time.” “He’s also known as an activist who spoke out against war and racism during the 1960s. He lit the torch at Atlanta’s 1996 Olympics ceremony,” “and in 2005, President George W Bush bestowed upon him America’s highest civilian award.

Muhammad Ali Quotes About Life

Muhammad Ali was a legendary boxer. He also had a fantastic way Muhammad Ali was an American professional boxer, social activist, and philanthropist. He is widely regarded as one of the most significant and celebrated sports figures of the 20th century.

His autobiography The Greatest: My Own Story gives readers insights into his life outside of boxing; he discusses how his conversion to Islam changed his perspective on love, music, marriage, family, and patriotism. This post will cover some of my favorite Muhammad Ali Quotes about life in general that have inspired me over the years.

“At home I am a nice guy: but I don’t want the world to know. Humble people, I’ve found, don’t get very far.” – Muhammad Ali

muhammad ali quotes training

“Braggin’ is when a person says something and can’t do it. I do what I say.” – Muhammad Ali

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” – Muhammad Ali

muhammad ali quotes about family

“It’s not bragging if you can back it up.” – Muhammad Ali

“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.” – Muhammad Ali

muhammad ali quotes motivational

“I’m not the greatest, I’m the double greatest.” – Muhammad Ali

“It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe.” – Muhammad Ali

muhammad ali inspirational quotes

“I should be a postage stamp. That’s the only way I’ll ever get licked.” – Muhammad Ali

“A man who has no imagination has no wings.” – Muhammad Ali

muhammad ali best quotes

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” – Muhammad Ali

“He’s (Sonny Liston) too ugly to be the world champ. The world champ should be pretty like me!” – Muhammad Ali

muhammad ali motivational quotes

“Hating people because of their color is wrong. And it doesn’t matter which color does the hating. It’s just plain wrong.” – Muhammad Ali

“Live everyday as if it were your last because someday you’re going to be right.” – Muhammad Ali

muhammad ali famous quotes

“If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it—then I can achieve it.” – Muhammad Ali

“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.” – Muhammad Ali

muhammad ali's best quotes

“If my mind can conceive it, if my heart can believe it–then I can achieve it.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’ve wrestled with alligators. I’ve tussled with a whale. I done handcuffed lightning. And throw thunder in jail.” – Muhammad Ali

muhammad ali quotes love

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’m the most recognized and loved man that ever lived cuz there weren’t no satellites when Jesus and Moses were around, so people far away in the villages didn’t know about them.” – Muhammad Ali

muhammad ali quotes funny

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life” – Muhammad Ali

“Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” – Muhammad Ali

“Live everyday as if it were your last because someday you’re going to be right.” – Muhammad Ali

What I suffered physically was worth what I’ve accomplished in life.” – Muhammad Ali

“I am the greatest. I said that even before I knew I was.” – Muhammad Ali

“I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Dempsey were just jet pilots. I’m in a world of my own.” – Muhammad Ali

“Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.” – Muhammad Ali

“It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am.” – Muhammad Ali

“It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe.” – Muhammad Ali

“If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.” – Muhammad Ali

“A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’m young; I’m handsome; I’m fast. I can’t possibly be beat.” – Muhammad Ali

“The man who has no imagination has no wings.” – Muhammad Ali

“A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” – Muhammad Ali

“The service you do for others is the rent you pay for your room here on Earth.” – Muhammad Ali

“At home I am a nice guy: but I don’t want the world to know. Humble people, I’ve found, don’t get very far.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’m so mean, I make medicine sick.” – Muhammad Ali

“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” – Muhammad Ali

“If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it – then I can achieve it.” – Muhammad Ali

“If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.” – Muhammad Ali

“I shook up the world. Me! Whee!” – Muhammad Ali

“It’s not bragging if you can back it up.” – Muhammad Ali

 


Muhammad Ali Motivational Quotes

Muhammad Ali Motivational Quotes are often quoted by people who need to pursue their dreams with all they’ve got. “Don’t count the days; make the day’s count” is a favorite quote that encourages people not to be afraid of what could happen but rather focus on making things happen every day. Here are some of his most famous motivational quotes:

“It’s lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’m not the greatest; I’m the double greatest. Not only do I knock ’em out, I pick the round.” – Muhammad Ali

“I wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world.” – Muhammad Ali

“If you dream of beating me, you’d better wake up and apologise.” – Muhammad Ali

“The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses – behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.” – Muhammad Ali

“I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.” – Muhammad Ali

“When you can whip any man in the world, you never know peace.” – Muhammad Ali

“Hating people because of their colour is wrong. And it doesn’t matter which colour does the hating. It’s just plain wrong.” – Muhammad Ali

“Friendship is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” – Muhammad Ali

“It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe.” – Muhammad Ali

“Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” – Muhammad Ali

“What keeps me going is goals.” – Muhammad Ali

“My only fault is that I don’t realise how great I really am.” – Muhammad Ali

Wouldn’t it be a beautiful world if just 10 percent of the people who believe in the power of love would compete with one another to see who could do the most good for the most people?” – Muhammad Ali

“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them, a desire, a dream, a vision.” – Muhammad Ali

“A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.” – Muhammad Ali

“There are no pleasures in a fight but some of my fights have been a pleasure to win.” – Muhammad Ali

“My principles are more important than the money or my title.” – Muhammad Ali

“I wanted to use my fame and this face that everyone knows so well to help uplift and inspire people around the world.” – Muhammad Ali

“If you sign to fight me, you need speed and endurance but what you need most is to increase your insurance”

“Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up.” – Muhammad Ali

“I never thought of losing, but now that it’ s happened, the only thing is to do it right. That’s my obligation to all the people who believe in me. We all have to take defeats in life.” – Muhammad Ali

“I am an ordinary man who worked hard to develop the talent I was given. I believed in myself, and I believe in the goodness of others.” – Muhammad Ali

“Every day is different, and some days are better than others, but no matter how challenging the day, I get up and live it.” – Muhammad Ali

“It’s not bragging if you can back it up.” – Muhammad Ali

“I done wrestled with an alligator, I done tussled with a whale; handcuffed lightning, thrown thunder in jail; only last week, I murdered a rock, injured a stone, hospitalised a brick; I’m so mean I make medicine sick.” – Muhammad Ali

“Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’m the greatest thing that ever lived! I’m the king of the world! I’m a bad man. I’m the prettiest thing that ever lived.” – Muhammad Ali

 


Muhammad Ali Inspirational Quotes

Muhammad Ali was one of the most prolific boxers in history. Muhammad Ali was truly an inspirational character who has lived a life full of ups and downs. He not only won heavyweight titles, but he also inspired many people with his words. Muhammad Ali Quotes on society and life in general, are widely known as guiding light for those who follow his philosophy. We’ve pulled together some of our Muhammad Ali Inspirational quotes to share with you below.

“Think well of all, be patient with all, and try to find the good in all.” – Muhammad Ali

“Allah is the Greatest. I’m just the greatest boxer.” – Muhammad Ali

“Wisdom is knowing when you can’t be wise.” – Muhammad Ali

“Inside of a ring or out, ain’t nothing wrong with going down. It’s staying down that’s wrong.” – Muhammad Ali

“Don’t count the days, make the days count.” – Muhammad Ali

“If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it — then I can achieve it.” – Muhammad Ali

“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” – Muhammad Ali

“I am an ordinary man who worked hard to develop the talent I was given. I believed in myself, and I believe in the goodness of others.” – Muhammad Ali

“I figured that if I said it enough, I would convince the world that I really was the greatest.” – Muhammad Ali

“I may have been the best fighter, but I was also the poorest. I had never been able to afford a first-class mouthpiece to protect my teeth. I had to wait until other fighters finished so I could borrow their headgear, or their trunk or bandages.” – Muhammad Ali

“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” – Muhammad Ali

“Live everyday as if it were your last because someday you’re going to be right.” – Muhammad Ali

“I said I was ‘The Greatest,’ I never said I was ‘The Smartest!” – Muhammad Ali

“Truly great people in history never wanted to be great for themselves. All they wanted was the chance to do good for others and be close to God.” – Muhammad Ali

“Too many easy victories can ruin a fighter just as much as a long line of defeats.” – Muhammad Ali

“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. The hands can’t hit what the eyes can’t see.” – Muhammad Ali

“When it comes to love, compassion, and other feelings of the heart, I am rich.” – Muhammad Ali

“You lose nothing when fighting for a cause … In my mind, the losers are those who don’t have a cause they care about.” – Muhammad Ali

“No one starts out on top. You have to work your way up.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’m No 1. After me, it doesn’t matter.” – Muhammad Ali

“My toughest fight was with my first wife.” – Muhammad Ali

“Silence is golden when you can’t think of a good answer.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’m young; I’m handsome; I’m fast. I can’t possibly be beat.” – Muhammad Ali

“Each time I thought I had achieved my ‘life’s purpose,’ I discovered it was only another step in my journey.” – Muhammad Ali

“Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.” – Muhammad Ali

“His hands can’t hit what his eyes can’t see.” – Muhammad Ali

“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.” – Muhammad Ali

“I know where I’m going and I know the truth, and I don’t have to be what you want me to be. I’m free to be what I want.” – Muhammad Ali

“The Service you do for others is the rent you pay for your room here on Earth.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’ll beat him so bad he’ll need a shoehorn to put his hat on.” – Muhammad Ali

“I had always come home like the victorious hunter bringing back big game from the jungle.” – Muhammad Ali

“Rivers, ponds, lakes and streams — they all have different names, but they all contain water. Just as religions do — they all contain truths.” – Muhammad Ali

“I know no fighter can survive the loss if he feels sorry for himself when he’s defeated.” – Muhammad Ali

“The man with no imagination has no wings.” – Muhammad Ali

“I figure I’ll be champ for about ten years and then I’ll let my brother take over — like the Kennedys down in Washington.” – Muhammad Ali

“You are as old as you think you are.” – Muhammad Ali

“If your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough.” – Muhammad Ali

“When you are as great as I am it is hard to be humble.” – Muhammad Ali

“Impossible is nothing.” – Muhammad Ali

“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” – Muhammad Ali

“I loved the smell of horse and hay and the sight of their beautiful bodies. Somehow it inspired me to train harder so my body could be in condition like that.” – Muhammad Ali

“Old age is just a record of one’s whole life.” – Muhammad Ali

“There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.” – Muhammad Ali

“When you win so long, so much, you forget — you think your name will win. You forget the sacrifices, the work that goes into winning.” – Muhammad Ali

“If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it – then I can achieve it.” – Muhammad Ali

“We spend more time learning how to make a living than we do learning how to make a life.” – Muhammad Ali

“If you lose a big fight, it will worry you all of your life. It will plague you — until you get your revenge.” – Muhammad Ali

“Wars of nations are fought to change maps. But wars of poverty are fought to map change.” – Muhammad Ali

“It’s lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself.” – Muhammad Ali

“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.” – Muhammad Ali

“Others may know pleasure, but pleasure is not happiness. It has no more importance than a shadow following a man.” – Muhammad Ali

“It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am.” – Muhammad Ali

“I figured that if I said it enough, I would convince the world that I really was the greatest.” – Muhammad Ali

“The man who has no imagination has no wings.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’m the greatest, I’m a bad man, and I’m pretty!” – Muhammad Ali

“I know where I’m going and I know the truth, and I don’t have to be what you want me to be. I’m free to be what I want” – Muhammad Ali

“When you can whip any man in the world, you never know peace.” – Muhammad Ali

“A man who has no imagination has no wings.” – Muhammad Ali

“Put yourself out on a limb, sucka, like me!” – Muhammad Ali

“My wealth is in my knowledge of self, love, and spirituality.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’ve never let anyone talk me into not believing in myself.” – Muhammad Ali

“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them-a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill, and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.” – Muhammad Ali

“To be able to give away riches is mandatory if you wish to possess them. This is the only way that you will be truly rich.” – Muhammad Ali

“My way of joking is to tell the truth. That’s the funniest joke in the world.” – Muhammad Ali

“What keeps me going is goals.” – Muhammad Ali

“It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe.” – Muhammad Ali

“Friendship is a priceless gift that cannot be bought nor sold, but its value is far greater than a mountain made of gold.” – Muhammad Ali

“Life is a gamble.” – Muhammad Ali

“It takes a lot out of a fighter to throw punches that land in thin air.” – Muhammad Ali

“I don’t count my sit-ups; I only start counting when it starts hurting because they’re the only ones that count.” – Muhammad Ali

“It’s not bragging if you can back it up.” – Muhammad Ali

“I try not to speak about all the charities and people I help because I believe we can only be truly generous when we expect nothing in return.” – Muhammad Ali

“Often it isn’t the mountains ahead that wear you out, it’s the little pebble in your shoe.” – Muhammad Ali

“I had always been the one who picked up all the stragglers and stray followers.” – Muhammad Ali

  • “He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion’.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “My style, my stamina, my system were molded down in the basement of a church in East End.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “Now you see me, now you don’t.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “I am America. I am the part you won’t recognize. But get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he’ll never crow. I have seen the light and I’m crowing.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “You’re not going to enjoy every minute of the journey, but the success you’ll find at the end will make it all worth it.
  • “If you even dream of beating me, you’d better wake up and apologize.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “I’m the most recognized and loved man that ever lived cuz there weren’t no satellites when Jesus and Moses were around, so people far away in the villages didn’t know about them.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “Now I had won the gold medal. But it didn’t mean anything, because I didn’t have the right color skin.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “The greatest victory in life is to rise above the material things that we once valued most.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “What you’re thinking is what you’re becoming.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “Give up what appears to be doubtful for what is certain. Truth brings peace of mind, and deception doubt.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “Not only do I knock ’em out, I pick the round.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “I don’t get hit. I’m the fastest thing on two feet man!” – Muhammad Ali
  • “When it comes to love, compassion, and other feelings of the heart, I am rich.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “I do everything to make the fight come out my way, but if I’m defeated I have to get up and come back again, no matter how humiliating the loss.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “I love children. I can never pass them by without saying something to them. They make you want to start life all over again.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “The fight is won or lost far away from the witnesses, behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road; long before I dance under those lights.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “Go to College, Stay in school, If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “I’m a fighter. I believe in the eye-for-an-eye business. I’m no cheek turner. I got no respect for a man who won’t hit back. You kill my dog, you better hide your cat.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “All through my life, I have been tested. My will has been tested, my courage has been tested, my strength has been tested. Now my patience and endurance are being tested.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “I learn to put my head within hitting range, force my opponent to throw blows, then learn back and away.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “Superman don’t need no seat belt.” – Muhammad Ali
  • “To be a great champion you must believe you are the best. If you’re not, pretend you are.” – Muhammad Ali

Muhammad Ali Quotes Vietnam

Muhammad Ali is widely recognized as an Olympic gold medalist, three-time heavyweight champ of the world, and one of sports history’s most famous personalities. Fewer people know that he also served with distinction during Vietnam War. His strong beliefs against the war led to his refusal to be drafted for military service.

As a result, he forfeited his title. missed out on millions of dollars in potential earnings over three years. He later said, “I felt like I was just being used by my country.” This blog post includes some Muhammad Ali quotes Vietnam which you may not have known before!

“Lots of things wrong with America, but Hitler ain’t going to fix them.” – Muhammad Ali

“My conscience won’t let me go shoot my brother, or some darker people, or some poor hungry people in the mud for big powerful America. And shoot them for what? They never called me nigger, they never lynched me, they didn’t put any dogs on me, they didn’t rob me of my nationality, rape and kill my mother and father. … Shoot them for what? How can I shoot them, poor people? Just take me to jail.” – Muhammad Ali

“I Ain’t Got No Quarrel With The VietCong…No VietCong Ever Called Me Nigger.” – Muhammad Ali

“I met two black soldiers a while back in an airport. They said: ‘Champ, it takes a lot of guts to do what you’re doing.’ I told them: ‘Brothers, you just don’t know. If you knew where you were going now, if you knew your chances of coming out with no arm or no eye, fighting those people in their own land, fighting Asian brothers, you got to shoot them, they never lynched you, never called you nigger, never put dogs on you, never shot your leaders. You’ve got to shoot your ‘enemies’ (they call them) and as soon as you get home you won’t be able to find a job. Going to jail for a few years is nothing compared to that.” – Muhammad Ali

 


Muhammad Ali Quotes Training

Ali’s training methods are legendary. He would always keep his workouts intense and varied, never doing the same workout twice in a row. Ali was also known for sparring with partners that were much heavier than he was, which helped him develop his endurance. It is said that Ali believed the best way to train is not just by lifting weights or running laps but by fighting someone who is challenging you so your muscles have to work harder to push them away.

This philosophy led him to take on some of the toughest boxers of all time in sparring sessions including Joe Frazier, George Foreman, and Sonny Liston before fights. His unorthodox training methods lead him into one of the most celebrated careers in sports history! Muhammad Ali quotes about training are as famous as he is, and we’ve put together some of our favorites here to share with you.

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” – Muhammad Ali

“Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don’t let yourself believe it will happen to you.” – Muhammad Ali

“(Sonny Liston is) too ugly to be the world champ. The world champ should be pretty like me.” – Muhammad Ali

“I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’” – Muhammad Ali

“The man who has no imagination has no wings.” – Muhammad Ali

“My only fault is that I don’t realize how great I really am.” – Muhammad Ali

“The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses—behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’ve seen George Foreman shadow boxing, and the shadow won.” – Muhammad Ali

“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” – Muhammad Ali

“Silence is golden when you can’t think of a good answer.” – Muhammad Ali

“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.” – Muhammad Ali

 


Muhammad Ali Quotes Impossible

Muhammad Ali was one of the most iconic and inspiring athletes of all time. His willingness to stand up for what he believes in, his strength and wit on the boxing ring and his ability to get through difficult times with a sense of humor have made him an icon not just to sports fans but people from all walks of life.

Muhammad Ali Quotes Impossible is a collection of quotes from famous boxers and activists. The book features short, concise statements that are easy to read and digest. This blog post will take you through some of our favorite quotes in this book!

“If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.” – Muhammad Ali

“I am the greatest. I said that even before I knew I was. I figured that if I said it enough, I would convince the world that I was really the greatest.” – Muhammad Ali

“Silence is golden when you can’t think of a good answer.” – Muhammad Ali

“The fight is won or lost far away from the witnesses, behind the lines, in the gym and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.” – Muhammad Ali

“It?s not bragging if you can back it up.” – Muhammad Ali

“Float like a butterfly. Sting like a bee. You can’t hit what your eyes don’t see.” – Muhammad Ali

“The will must be stronger than the skill.” – Muhammad Ali

“Don’t count the days. Make the days count.” – Muhammad Ali

“(Joe) Frazier is so ugly he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife.” – Muhammad Ali

“A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” – Muhammad Ali

“It isn’t the mountains ahead that wear you down. It’s the pebble in your shoe.” – Muhammad Ali

“I wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world.” – Muhammad Ali

“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. His hands can’t hit what his eyes can’t see. Now you see me, now you don’t. George thinks he will, but I know he won’t.” – Muhammad Ali

“Impossible is just a word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.” – Muhammad Ali

“I don’t count the sit-ups. I only start counting when it starts hurting because they’re the only ones that count. That’s what makes you a champion.” – Muhammad Ali

 


Muhammad Ali Quotes Funny

Muhammad Ali was a man of many words. In his prime, he would speak to the press almost every day and always had something interesting to say about himself or how he felt about his opponents. He had a way with words that made it difficult for reporters not to be entertained by him.

Even after boxing, Ali’s quotes still amaze people around the world. Muhammad Ali was one of the most famous people in the world, and his quotes are often funny.

The following blog post contains some of the best Muhammad Ali quotes funny that will make you laugh.  As an international icon and athlete, Muhammad Ali was known for being brash and outspoken which often got him into trouble with the media but also endeared him to fans who admired his confidence and refusal to back down against any challenge.

“Frazier is so ugly that when he cries, the tears turn around and go down the back of his head.” – Muhammad Ali

“That all you got George?” – Ali to Foreman during the Rumble in the Jungle.” – Muhammad Ali

“I always bring out the best in men I fight, but Joe Frazier, I’ll tell the world right now, brings out the best in me. I’m gonna tell ya, that’s one helluva man, and God bless him.” – Muhammad Ali

Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all. – Muhammad Ali

“I’ve seen George Foreman shadow boxing. And the shadow won.” – Muhammad Ali

“Now you see me, now you don’t. George thinks he will, but I know he won’t!” – Muhammad Ali

 


Muhammad Ali Religion Quotes

“Muhammad Ali’s religious beliefs have long been a topic of debate, with many people wondering if he has truly converted to Islam and changed his name to Muhammad Ali. Over the years, Ali has often given contradictory statements about his faith. In 1991, he was quoted as saying “I’m not really sure what I believe.”

In 1999, on 60 Minutes with Ed Bradley, he said that he is a Muslim and prays five times a day. However in November 2002 while being interviewed by Oprah Winfrey for her show on religion in America called ‘Finding God’, he stated that “Islam is just something I found,” and went on to say later in the interview: “If you want me to be a Christian or an atheist or whatever…nothing wrong

This blog post will explore some other  Muhamad Ali religion quotes as well as how he used them to enrich his life both inside and outside the ring.

“Whether you offer an obligatory prayer or you spend time at work, remember Allah! – Muhammad Ali

“My lectures, based on Islamic teachings, was on various subjects. Some of the titles were, ‘The Intoxication of Life,’ ‘The Purpose of Life,’ ‘The Real Cause of Man’s Distress,’ ‘The Journey to the Goal in Life,’ and, one of my favorites, ‘The Heart of Man.’ They contained important insights that spoke to something deep inside me.” – Muhammad Ali

“The name Muhammad is the most common name in the world. In all the countries around the world – Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Morocco, Turkey, Syria, Lebanon – there are more Muhammads than anything else. When I joined the Nation of Islam and became a Muslim, they gave me the most famous name because I was the champ.” – Muhammad Ali

“What you sow, so shall you reap! If you work hard today, you will get the reward tomorrow. God is not unjust to reward you for nothing. Thus, hard work is the key.” – Muhammad Ali

“I didn’t want to submit to the army and then, on the Day of Judgment, have God say to me, ‘Why did you do that?’ This life is a trial, and you realize that what you do is going to be written down for Judgment Day.” – Muhammad Ali

“For physical Strength we need food. For spiritual Strength we need Allah. By regularly giving some portion 0f our day to Prayer and Recitations we can gain spiritual strength and perform better in our lives.” – Muhammad Ali

“Allah’s the Arabic term for God. Stand up for God, fight for God, work for God and do the right thing, and go the right way, things will end up in your corner.” – Muhammad Ali

“Everything I do now, I do to please Allah…Being a true Muslim is the most important thing in the world to me. It means more to me than being black or being American.” – Muhammad Ali

“I can’t see what God’s plan is. I just know I’ve got to live with it.” – Muhammad Ali

“One must not bend the rules according to the situation, rather change or avoid the situation to follow important personal and religious rules and values.” – Muhammad Ali

“I believe in the religion of Islam. I believe in Allah and peace. ” – Muhammad Ali

“One must persistently try to discover flaws in oneself. Self-accountability holds a key value among Companions of the Prophet (SAW).” – Muhammad Ali

“The most precious thing in this world is Faith, as right after death we will be inquired about out faith. The Second most important thing is time, as right after the resurrection, we will be asked about how we spent our age.” – Muhammad Ali

“I Have Never Regretted My Silence” – Umar Bin Khattab (RA)

“I’m no leader; I’m a little, humble follower.” – Muhammad Ali

“Terrorists are not following Islam. Killing people and blowing up people and dropping bombs in places and all this is not the way to spread the word of Islam. So people realize now that all Muslims are not terrorists.” – Muhammad Ali

 


Muhammad Ali Famous Quotes

Muhammad Ali has been a powerful force of inspiration for many people. His quotes, which include “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee,” and “Don’t count the days; make the days count,” are some of his most famous. Here are some of the most Muhammad Ali famous quotes.

Throughout his career, he had an incredible influence not only on boxing but also on American culture as well. He is one of the most well-known celebrities in America and even though he passed away in 2016 at age 74 after battling Parkinson’s disease for decades, he will still be known as “The Greatest.”

 

“Reassurance from yourself helps a lot in task completion.” – Muhammad Ali

“Children make you want to start life over.” – Muhammad Ali

“I do a lot of reading, a lot of studying. I ask questions, I’ll go out, travel these countries, I’ll watch how their people live, and I learn.” – Muhammad Ali

“Success matters, no matter how slow it comes. Slow and steady wins the race.” – Muhammad Ali

“This is a great way to increase productivity.” – Muhammad Ali

“I should be a postage stamp. That’s the only way I’ll ever get licked!” – Muhammad Ali

“The best way to get things done is to get out of the coffee shop and get to work.” – Muhammad Ali

“You can not finish what you haven’t started.” – Muhammad Ali

“Whoever knocks persistently, ends by entering.” – Muhammad Ali

“The very basic component of any achievement is that whether it is morally correct. Even thieves have money, but that is not an achievement.” – Muhammad Ali

“Try one more time, you may succeed.” – Muhammad Ali

“You could be the world’s best garbage man, the world’s best model; it doesn’t matter what you do if you’re the best.” – Muhammad Ali

“Age is just a number that cannot define our capacities.” – Muhammad Ali

“There are billions of people in the world, and every one of them is special. No one else in the world is like you.” – Muhammad Ali

“Enjoy your children, even when they don’t act the way you want them to.” – Muhammad Ali

“The imagination of the person who climbs mount Everest is as strong as a mountain. Imagination is the key to all success.” – Muhammad Ali

“Mistakes are valuable opportunities to learn. The greater are the mistakes, the greater is learning.” – Muhammad Ali

“The only person we should be listening to is our heart.” – Muhammad Ali

“You don’t lose if you get knocked down; you lose if you stay down.” – Muhammad Ali

“I had it in my heart. I believed in myself, and I had confidence. I knew how to do it, had natural talent and I pursued it.” – Muhammad Ali

“I run on the road long before I dance under the lights.” – Muhammad Ali

“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even” – Muhammad Ali

“There’s nothing wrong with getting knocked down, as long as you get right back up.” – Muhammad Ali

“Only if we push the limits of our comfort zone will we achieve anything valuable.” – Muhammad Ali

“Once a person challenges others, the pressure compels the person to perform. Hold yourself accountable before others as well as yourself.” – Muhammad Ali

“Christians are my brothers, Hindus are my brothers, all of them are my brothers. We just think different and believe different.” – Muhammad Ali

“In psychology, this concept is called self-fulfilling prophecy. What you say to yourself becomes directly or indirectly true. So always think positive.” – Muhammad Ali

“Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself.” – Muhammad Ali

“Underestimation of yourself kills all the talents and wastes the potentials.” – Muhammad Ali

“People will know you’re serious when you produce.” – Muhammad Ali

“Good friends are hard to come by, and it is important to stick along.” – Muhammad Ali

“Success is not achieved by winning all the time. Real success comes when we rise after we fall.” – Muhammad Ali

“When something is too easy it is usually not followed by much reward. It is only that a person tolerates difficulties when he can actually achieve what he wants.” – Muhammad Ali

“Beware! the biggest obstacle between you and your success lies between your two ears.” – Muhammad Ali

“No one starts out on top. You have to work your way up.” – Muhammad Ali

“Old age is just a record of one’s whole life.” – Muhammad Ali

 


Muhammad Ali quotes To His Daughter

Muhammad Ali was the most renowned boxer of all time, and he had a daughter. In his later years, he became a devoted dad to her. He adored her so much that when she was born, he remarked, “I made my first child a girl because there should be at least one woman in this world.”

His daughter Laila has been an important part of his life as well as the lives of many Americans who watched him grow up on TV. Here are some Muhammad Ali quotes to his Daughter:

“The best thing for kids is to have lots of love around them”  – Muhammad Ali

“You can’t make somebody love you, but if they do love you then don’t hurt them.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’m sure no intelligent white person, in his or her right white mind, want black men and women marrying their white sons and daughters and in return introducing their grandchildren to half brown, kinky haired black people.” – Muhammad Ali

“Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get to them.” – Muhammad Ali

“I’d like to say that Muslims are never in violence with white people. It’s the black man who love you. See, you don’t let him in your toilet, you don’t let him in your restroom, you don’t let him marry your daughter, you gotta fight. So, we’re not gonna be botherin’ you, you understand. Muslims don’t come in, we don’t have no trouble with you. It’s just the integrator.” – Muhammad Ali

“He looked at me with serious eyes. “Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.” – Muhammad Ali

“Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell.” – Muhammad Ali

“I have a beautiful daughter, beautiful wife. They look like me, we are all happy and I don’t have any trouble. And I ain’t that much in love with no woman to go through that hell – ain’t no one woman that good.” – Muhammad Ali

“Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected.” – Muhammad Ali

“My father took a good look at us. Then he sat me down on his lap and said something that I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to.” – Muhammad Ali

“When we finally arrived, the chauffeur escorted my younger sister, Laila, and me up to my father’s suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. We exchanged many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day.” – Muhammad Ali

 


Conclusion

Successful people are successful because they know how to take advantage of opportunities and be prepared for them. This quote by Muhammad Ali shows us just how true this saying is! We can do this too, and Muhammad Ali’s quotes can help us to do so. Muhammad Ali was an inspiration for many people in his life because he always had something wise or motivational to say!

We hope you enjoy it and Please remember to share them on social media with your friends and family.

Here is Another Post On Barack Obama Quotes

Continue Reading

Quotes

1100+ Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life And Love

Published

on

Funny Quotes

An especially cute funny quotes, love and life quotes collection adding funny quotes you can send to your boyfriend or girlfriend, and funny quotes about love, life, and relationships too.

To be with a person you idolize the most already brings a smile to your face. However, the funny and charming occasion you share will make you fancy each other’s existence even more.

These quotes cover a wide collection of topics from fun love and life. Cute quotes can be uplifting and funny and deliver optimism to a tough day. We expectation these quotes to make you laugh and bring you help to each other now more than constantly!

Here are 1100+ Cute Funny Quotes And Sayings below:

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – John F. Kennedy

funny quotes on friends

“I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.” — Cassandra Duffy

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

funny quotes on life

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” —Zig  Ziglar

“All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover

funny quotes on exams

“Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.” – Unknown

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” – Groucho Marx

funny quotes on marriage

“America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.” – Unknown

“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” – John Barrymore

funny quotes about money

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain

funny quotes about myself

“I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.” – Unknown

“Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck

funny quotes about children

“Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serving you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” – Helen Rowland

“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?” – Cynthia Heimel

funny quotes on love

“That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin

“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” – Charles de Gaulle

funny quotes on laughter

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea

funny quotes about gym

“If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?” – Jerry Seinfeld

“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers

“I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.” – Gena Showalter

“Don’t gobble funk around with words.” – Roald Dahl

“A penny saved is a penny earned.” – Benjamin Franklin

“The funniest people are the saddest ones.” – Confucius

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – George Carlin

“If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

“A word to the wise isn’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.” – Bill Cosby

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain

“She’s strong! And scary…I bet she’s single…I’d put money on it.” – Masashi Kishimoto

“Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.” – James Thurber

“Puns are the highest form of literature.” – Alfred Hitchcock

“I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.” – J. Paul Getty

“Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!” – Hergé

“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” – Harlan Ellison

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” ― George Carlin

“Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.” ― Golda Meir

“I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.” ― Lauren Myracle

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. he won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president. now I’m beginning to believe it.” — Clarence Darrow

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”  – Oscar Wilde

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob hope

“They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Unknown

“A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world…oh sorry that’s wine…. wine does that.” – Unknown

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” — Chris Rock

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” — Joe Girard

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright

“Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” — Unknown

“Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” — Jeffrey Gitomer

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama

“Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler

“A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles Schulz

“Think like a proton. Always positive.” — Unknown

“Be happy – it drives people crazy.” — Unknown

“Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” — Robert Brault[/pullquote]

“The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand.

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams

“If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers

“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want to be done because he wants to do it.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower

“Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” — Jason Love

“Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” — Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” — Franklin P. Jones

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand.

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Eddison

“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says “I’m possible!” — Audrey Hepburn

“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get a warm feeling that it brings.” — Robert Bloch

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” —Marilyn Monroe

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” — Terry Pratchett

“Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” — Billie Burke

“When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” — Unknown

“A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” — Justin Sewell

“Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.” — Unknown

“It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” — Ashleigh Brilliant

“If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space?” — Unknown

“The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” — Unknown

“Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else.” — Unknown


Funny Quotes For WhatsApp Status

  • Take care of your status, don’t be a caretaker of my status.
  • I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.
  • Be Warned: I’M Bored. This Could Get Dangerous.
  • It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
  • I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.
  • Never laugh at your partner’s choices… You’re one of them.
  • I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
  • Attitude is like underwear. Don’t show it just wore it.
  • Excuse me, but I saw you from across the internet and wanted to see if your bytes are compatible with mine.
  • This Dog, Is Dog, A Dog, Good Dog, Way Dog, To Dog, Keep Dog, An Dog, Idiot Dog, Busy Dog, For Dog, 30 Dog, Seconds Dog!… Now read without the word dog.
  • I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
  • Improve your performance by improving your attitude.
  • I love my job only when I’m on vacation…..
  • Life taught me a lot of lessons, but I bunked those classes too
  • If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
  • I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
  • I’ll Be Back In 5 Minutes But If I’M Not Just Read This Message Again.
  • I had to take a sick day. I’m sick of those people.
  • Sorry, I can’t go to work tomorrow, I fractured my motivation.
  • They say good things take time… that’s why I’m always late.
  • Remember If We Get Caught, You Are Deaf And I Don’t Speak English.
  • I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true.
  • No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
  • Think about it… every time we look back at ourselves five years ago we think we were an idiot.
  • Be yourself, who else is better qualified?
  • I made a huge to do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
  • People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.
  • Never steal. The government hates competition.
  • I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle! He’s dreaming too.
  • Dyslexics are people too.
  • If You Say You’Re Cooler Than Me….Does That Make Me Hotter Than You?
  • I used to like my neighbors until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
  • It’s not that I hate anyone; it’s just that I do not like people.
  • Do not drink and park accidents cause people.
  • I don’t get older, I level up.
  • Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be on your Internet. Sincerely, The Library.
  • The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • I have feelings too. I am still human.
  • During The Day, I Don’t Believe In Ghosts. Ar Night I’M Little More Open-Minded.
  • If People Are Talking About You Behind Your Back, Then Just Fart.
  • Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
  • Keep moving! Nothing new to read…
  • I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
  • If the brain is dominant, why doesn’t everyone use it?
  • If I’m vinegar, then you must be baking soda. Because you make me feel all bubbly inside!
  • I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
  • If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
  • I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist. I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos.
  • You seem to be on your own path. Unfortunately, there’s a “socio” in front of it.
  • Stop checking my last seen, text me when you miss me.
  • Choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.
  • I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
  • I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.
  • That Moment When You Miss One Step On The Stairs & You Think You’Re About To Die.
  • My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.
  • Save water drink beer.
  • Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday.
  • Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.
  • The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once!
  • I Don’T Always Get Asked Out On A Date. But When I Do….It’S On April 1St.
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation.
  • You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
  • I’m really not cranky. I just have a violent reaction when I meet stupid people.
  • I’m not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.
  • Marriage Lets You Annoy One Special Person For The Rest Of Your Life.
  • I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job on the road crew, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
  • I’M Going To Stand Outside. So If Anyone Asks, I Am Outstanding.
  • My Goal This Weekend Is To Move Only Enough So People Know I’M Not Dead.
  • Why God, why? Why beautiful girls don’t have brains!
  • If you don’t succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
  • Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.
  • If Stress Burned Calories, I’D Be A Supermodel.
  • I Will Slap You So Hard That Even Google Won’T Able To Find You.
  • My boss told me to have a good day… So, I went home.
  • Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.
  • I”M Going To Bed Really Means I’M Going To Lie In Bed And Go On My Phone.
  • Cell Phones These Days Keep Getting Thinner & Smarter. People The Opposite.
  • I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
  • I am multi-talented, I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
  • My prince is not coming on a white horse… He’s obviously riding a turtle and definitely lost.
  • I Don’T Need A Hair Stylist, My Pillow Gives Me A New Hairstyle Every Morning.
  • Not always ‘Available’… Try your Luck.
  • I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.
  • Marriage is subject to market risk.
  • Dear Karma, I Have A List Of People You Missed.
  • Don’T Think Of Yourself As An Ugly Person. Think Of Yourself As A Beautiful Monkey.
  • Don’t worry about what I’m doing, worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
  • They say “Love is in the air.” Maybe that’s why there is so much air pollution these days.
  • I don’t have an attitude problem. I have an attitude. The problem is yours.
  • Babe, you are so fine. The only way you could look better is by hanging on my arm.
  • Sometimes You Just Want To Throw Fertilizer At People So They Grow Up.
  • Me? Mature? I still laugh when the ketchup bottle “FARTS”.
  • I wish my book of life were written in pencil. There are a few pages I would like to erase.
  • Fact: Phone on silent mode- 10 Missed calls… Turns volume too loud- Nobody calls all day!
  • I’m writing a paper for my Ph.D., now please tell me what is the most overused pick-up line you have ever heard?
  • I wish I could mute people in real life.
  • Life is like ice cream, enjoy it before it melts.
  • I Am Currently Experiencing Life At The Rate Of 15 Wtf’S Every hour.
  • I really should do something with my life… maybe tomorrow.
  • I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.
  • You can either take me as I am or watch me as I leave.
  • I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.
  • If I were a stoplight, I’d turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.
  • Silent people have the loudest minds.
  • I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.
  • The Word “ Studying ” Was Made Up Of Two Words Originally “ Students Dying.”
  • What is your mom’s phone number? I want to thank her for creating you.
  • Dear God, there is a bug in your software. It’s called Monday; please fix it.
  • True friendship: Walking into a person’s house and having your Wi-Fi connect automatically.
  • Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!
  • I Will Do Anything Humanly Possible To Reach The Remote Without Getting Up.
  • I Wasn’T Mad. But Now That You Asked Me 7 Times If I’m Mad…Yes, I’M Mad !
  • I’M Super Lazy Today !! Which Is Like Normal Lazy, But I’M Also Wearing A Cape.
  • Different from everyone!
  • I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.
  • Dear, I Know We Had Problems When I Was Younger….But I Love You Now.
  • Never give up on your dreams keep sleeping.
  • I do what I must, and my friends will adjust!
  • Busy at this moment…free forever.
  • All My Life I Thought Air Was Free….Until I Bought A Bag Of Chips.
  • I love my Haters, they make me Famous.
  • I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
  • I Smile Because You’Re My Family. I Laugh Because There’S Nothing You Can Do About It.
  • I Wish I Lived In A World Wher Mosquitoes Would Such Fat Instead Of Blood.
  • The police called to say one of my friends escaped from a mental hospital. Which one of you crazies got out and where should I pick you up?
  • Who needs television when there is so much drama on Whatsapp?
  • If Each Day Is A Gift, I Would Like To Know Where I Can Return Mondays.
  • I’m fresh, but global warming made me very hot.
  • The only time SUCCESS comes before WORK is in Dictionary.
  • My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
  • When I Was A Kid I Used To Think The Moon Followed Our Car Everywhere.
  • Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You’re one of them.
  • My Room Is Not Messy, It Is An Obstacle Course Designed To Keep Me Fit.
  • Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately, she is a mother and we should respect her!
  • The only thing I gained so far this year is weight!
  • Life Is Short. Smile While You Still Have Teeth.
  • Be nice to nerds, they will be your boss one day.
  • Light travels faster than sound. That’s why people appear bright until they speak.
  • Save paper, Don’t do homework.
  • Am I Only The One Who Calculates How Much Sleep I Can Get Before Going To Bed?
  • Sleeping Is My Drug. My Bed Is My Dealer & My Alarm Clock Is The Police.
  • I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
  • I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
  • I am a slow walker, but I never walk back.
  • Life is like ice cream, enjoy it before it melts.
  • Every Whatsapp status is a secret message for someone.
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  • God Made Every Person Differently. He Got Tired By The Time He Got To China.
  • “3 words more beautiful for a married woman than I LOVE YOU: No Cooking Today”
  • People said to follow your dreams so I went back to bed.
  • Don’t Make Me Laugh. I’M Trying To Be Mad At You.
  • Looks like I over-estimated the number of your brain cells.
  • I’m not lazy, I prefer the term “selective participation.”
  • I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.
  • Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  • I want someone to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
  • I didn’t fall. It was just that the floor needed some cleaning.
  • Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn’t done yet.
  • Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
  • Exercise? I Thought You Said Extra Fries!
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I am blaming you.
  • I Can’T Taste My Lips. Could You Do It For Me?
  • I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.
  • I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  • My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.
  • It’s not that I don’t want to go to work. I’m just allergic to crushing defeat.
  • We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
  • Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.
  • I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  • Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.
  • Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
  • Just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
  • I’m too lazy to stop being lazy.

Short Funny Quotes

“I’m not arguing, I’m just telling you why you’re wrong.”

“Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!” ― Groucho Marx

“I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow.”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” ― Steven Wright

“Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.”

“I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it”

“A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.” ― Burt Bacharach

“Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.” ― Otto von Bismarck

“I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.”

“All generalizations are false.” ― Mark Twain

“Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.” ― Oscar Wilde

“I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash.”

“Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.” ― Steven Woody Allen

“Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.” ― Jim Davis

“Life is a sexually transmitted disease.” ― R. D. Laing

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

“Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.”

“Why was six scared of seven? Because seven “ate” nine.”

“Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.”

“Papercut: A tree’s final moment of revenge.”

“Follow your dreams, except for the one where you’re naked in church.” ― Rev. David Ault

“If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?”

“Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.” ― Desmond Morris

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.” ― Franklin P. Jones

“My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.”

“A day without sunshine is like, night.” ― Steve Martin

“Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck.”

“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.” ― Rita Rudner

“Never test the depth of the water with both feet.” ― African Proverb

“Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.” ― Margaret Culkin Banning

“Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.”

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” ― Groucho Marx

“No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store.”

“Leave something for someone but don’t leave someone for something.” ― Enid Blyton

“Silence is golden unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.”

“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.” ― Ann Landers

“A two-year-old is kind of like a blender, but you don’t have any top for it.” ―  Jerry Seinfeld

“Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.” ― Jessica Simpson

“My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.”

“Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you.”

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” ― Jim Carrey

“On the other hand, you have different fingers.” ― Steven Wright

“Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.”

“Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.” ― Finley Peter Dunne

“You’re only as good as your last haircut.” ― Fran Lebowitz

“Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.” ― Peyton Johnston

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.” ― Joan Rivers

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”

“When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” ― Gracie Allen

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” ― Zsa Zsa Gabor

“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.” ― Anonymous

“Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.”

“Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.”

“My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.”

“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.” ― Bill Maher

“When nothing is going right, go left.”

“Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.” ― Anonymous

“If  I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.” ― Hillary Clinton

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

“Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.” ― Woody Allen

“Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.”

“I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.” ― Jack Benny

“Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day.”

“I’m not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?” ― Anonymous

“I can’t be out of money, I still have checks left.” ― George Clark

“Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.”

“If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.”

“Money talks… but all mine ever says is goodbye!” ― Anonymous

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” ― Phyllis Diller

“Marriage…it’s not a word, it’s a sentence.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” ― Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“My windows aren’t dirty, my dog is painting.”

“Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.”

“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” ― Abe Lemons

“I love my job only when I’m on vacation.”

“He’s not dead, he’s electroencephalographically challenged.” ― Anonymous

“When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. It has nothing new to tell you.”

“Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.” ― Woody Allen

“Death is hereditary.” ― Jill Shalvis

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” ― Robert Frost

“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” ― Prince Philip

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.”― Groucho Marx

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” ― Redd Foxx

“If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need.”

―  Rodney Dangerfield

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” ― Mark Twain

“High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” ― Christopher Morley

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” ― Groucho Marx

“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”

“I know that I am intelligent because I know that I know nothing. – Socrates

  • “I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.”― Carol Leifer
  • “I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon.”
  • “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
  • “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” ― Oscar Wilde
  • “Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.” ― Kathy Lette
  • “Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them.”
  • “It’s alright if you don’t agree with me, I can’t force you to be right.”
  • “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.” ― George Bernard Shaw
  • “My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.”
  • “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” ― Steve Martin
  • “You wanna know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.”
  • “Man has his will, but a woman has her way.” ― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr
  • “A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s; She changes it more often.” ― Oliver Herford
  • “I’m in shape … round’s a shape, isn’t it?” ― Anonymous
  • “Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.” ― Franklin Jones
  • “Fish and visitors stink after three days.” ― Ben Franklin
  • “I ain’t sleeping. I’m just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.” ― Jonathan Raban
  • “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” ― George Carlin
  • “If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.”
  • “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” ― Woody Allen
  • “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” ― Joan Rivers
  • “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.” ― Natalie Wood
  • “He who laughs last didn’t get it.” ― Helen Giangregorio
  • “Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.” ― Anonymous

Funny Quotes On Life

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” – Mark Twain

“Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.” – William Goldman

“Life is not a fairy tale. You lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.”

“Life is like a roller coaster pic – scary at the moment, funny looking back.”

“Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.” – Laurell K. Hamilton

“Life is like trying a Pinterest recipe – it won’t kill you just for missing one step.”

“Life will be boring AF if you never mess up.”

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” – Winston S Churchill[/pullquote]

“Fear is the second toughest bitch in life. Do you know who comes first? You.”

“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get. “ – Forrest Gump

“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road’ll take you there” – George Harrison

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” – Isaac Asimov

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone. “ – Reba McEntire

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” – Robert Frost

“I wish I were a little kid so I can just take a nap and everyone will be proud of me.”

“Life is like going to a party – dance even when you don’t feel like it.”

“Life is like an elevator – Sometimes it stops. But it’ll move up again.”

“If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember.” – Terry Pratchett

“Books say: She did this because. Life says: She did this. Books are where things are explained to you; life is where things aren’t. I’m not surprised some people prefer books.” – Julian Barnes

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.

“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.” – J.M. Barrie

“To be old and wise, you need to first be young and stupid.”

“Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.” – Robert Benchley

“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” – William Goldman

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein

“I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” – Charles Bukowski

“Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans.” – Raheel Farooq

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.” – Oliver Herford

“Do not take life too seriously. You never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” – Stephen Hawking

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein

“Life is like looking for your phone. Most of the time, it’s in your hand.”

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” – Terry Pratchett

“Life is like ice cream. Enjoy it before it melts.”

  • “If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction – and ultimately, without a major resolution.” – Jasper Fforde
  • “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres
  • “Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You’d have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking: Well, at least I’m not dead.” – Tom Stoppard
  • “Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.” – Allen Saunders
  • “It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.” – Terry Pratchett
  • “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” – Winston S Churchill
  • “Life is like experiments. The more you try, the better you become.”
  • “I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here.” – Arthur C. Clarke
  • “I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.” – Dave Barry
  • “Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.” – Jack Handey
  • “Reality continues to ruin my life.” – Bill Watterson
  • “When something goes wrong in your life, just say ‘PLOT TWIST’ and move on.”
  • “Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride. “ -Gary Allan
  • “Life is like the smiley face emoji. You never know what it really means.”
  • “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carey
  • “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” – Woody Allen
  • “What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
  • “I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

Funny Quotes About Self

“You want to change your life? Change the way you think.” —  Unknown

“One thing that’s emptier than my wallet is my heart.”

“My clear conscience is just a sign of bad memory.”

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” ― Oscar Wilde

“If the government can shut down, then why can’t I?”

“There’s no law that says you have to be dissatisfied or disappointed with who you are.”

“I have a good heart, but I really should fix this mouth of mine.”

“Pokemon? It’s funny that I’m trying to catch them all, yet I can’t even find myself.”

“I find it amusing when people try to insult me. They have no idea that I roast myself on a daily basis.”

“I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it.” ― Mary Wortley Montagu

“I am a queen because I know how to govern myself.” ― Lailah Gifty Akita

“Yes I am weird, weird is good. Normal is overrated.” ― Mad-D

“I chuckle whenever people try to figure what’s going on in my head. Like, good luck, I can’t even figure myself out.”

“I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted. I am only very, very curious.” ― Albert Einstein

“As a girl, I am this stupid, emotional, very loyal, sort of believe-in-values-and-principals sort of girl.” ― Priyanka Chopra

“Like a garbage phoenix, I will rise from the dumps.”

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” —  Roger Staubach

“Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It’s sanity.” – Andre Gide

“Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.” —  Tina Fey

“How to look good while crying?”

“I’m human garbage. At the very least, please dispose of me properly.”

“The bags under my eyes are Prada.” —  Unknown

“The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” —  George Carlin

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ― A. A. Milne, Winnie The Pooh

“I can resist anything except temptation.” ― Oscar Wilde

“What would have happened if you exterminated the ugliest guy and the dumbest guy in the world yesterday? Right, this post wouldn’t exist.”

“I used to be indecisive. Now, I don’t think I’m quite sure anymore.”

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” — RuPaul Charles

“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.” ― Oscar Wilde

“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” —  Robert Bloch

“Not to brag, but I haven’t had a mood swing in, like, 7 minutes.”

“I actually have friends despite myself.”

“winks at my reflection in the mirror–reflection walks away*.”

“I am my own heroine.” ― Marie Bashkirtseff

“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” —  Barney Stinson

“I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination.” ― Albert Einstein

“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” —  Unknown

“People say that I’m creative and I couldn’t agree more because I create most of my own problems.”

“In a society that profits from your self-doubt, loving yourself is a rebellious act.” —  Unknown

“Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.” —  A. A. Milne

“They told me that I can become anything if I willed it. So, I became a disappointment.”


Funny Quotes About Friends

“I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.” -Unknown

“Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.” -Unknown

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” -Marlene Dietrich

“Friendship is not possible between two women, one of whom is very well dressed.” -Laurie Colwin

“I don’t need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets. I have my friends for that.” -Unknown

“I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.” -Unknown

“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.” -Unknown

“You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself, he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” -Laurence J. Peter

“Knowledge cannot replace friendship. I’d rather be an idiot than lose you.” -Patrick to Spongebob

“Whoever says Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!” -Bronwyn Polson

“Men kick friendship around like a football, and it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass, and it falls to pieces.” – Anne Lindbergh

“Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.” -Oscar Wilde

“Good friends will mourn your death; best friends will come and clean your computer history immediately after you die.”

“This is by far your worst idea ever…I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” -Unknown

“Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel a warm feeling inside.” -Unknown

“Friendship means understanding, not agreement. It means forgiveness, not forgetting. It means the memories last, even if contact is lost.”

“The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money.” -Mark Twain

“A true friend stabs you in the front.” – Oscar Wilde

“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”

“Best friends know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.” -Unknown

“Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental hospital.” -Unknown

“Best friends loan out DVDs knowing that they’ll never be seen again.”

“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.” -Clifton Fadiman

“Best friend: the one that you can be mad at only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them.”

“Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.”

“I love you more than food, okay maybe not food but I still love you.”

“A good friend can finish your sentences… a best friend will do the same, but make it sound 10 times dirtier.”

“I’ve always said that in politics, your enemies can’t hurt you, but your friends will kill you.” -Ann Richards

“I don’t need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.”

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. -Oprah Winfrey

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, Damn, that was fun.” -Groucho Marx

“Friendship is, chatting and wasting time when we have an exam the next day.” “You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public but people still love us!

“We’ll be friends forever because you already know too much.”

“When your best friends say you can have a bite of their food, you take the biggest bite humanly possible.”

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” -Bernard Meltzer

“If you hurt my best friend, I can make your death look like an accident.”

“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.” -Sicilian Proverb

“We are keenly aware of the faults of our friends, but if they like us enough it doesn’t matter.” – Mignon McLaughlin

  • “There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate. ” -Linda Grayson
  • “A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” -Erma Bombeck
  • “We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile… Then we’ll be new friends.”
  • “Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.” -Virginia Woolf
  • This the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.” -Charles Lamb
  • “Best Friends. They know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.” -Unknown
  • “If you need to sober up, ditch your best friends.”
  • “A true friend is the one that stays no matter what happens even if we betray each other, and that is you.”
  • “Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with.” -Robert Brault
  • “A good friend will help you move. But best friend will help you move a dead body.” -Jim Hayes
  • “We’ve been friends for so long I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.” -Unknown
  • “You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” -Laurence J. Peter
  • “Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.” -Unknown
  • “The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”
  • “The antidote of fifty enemies is one friend.” — Aristotle
  • “Sometimes I think, ‘What is a friend?’ Then I say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’ -Cookie Monster
  • “Do you think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.”
  • “There is nothing better than a friend …unless it’s a friend with chocolate.”
  • “Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.”
  • “Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.” -Unknown
  • “Real friendship is when your friend comes over to your house and then you both just take a nap.”
  • Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.” -Greg Tamblyn
  • “If I have to clean my house before you come over, then we’re not real friends.”
  • “Friends will tell you if your face is dirty. Best friends will make it dirtier.”
  • “I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn friends – they’re the ones that keep me walking the floor nights!” -Warren G. Harding

Funny Quotes About Marriage

“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.'” — Anonymous

“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller

“I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” —Cameron Esposito

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher.” —Socrates

“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” — Winston Churchill, former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom

“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama

“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” —Megan Mullally

“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”—Agatha Christie

“Marriage a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” — Ogden Nash, American poet

“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash

“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” —Isadora Duncan

“Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond.’ Only it doesn’t last 22. It lasts forever.” —Pete in Knocked Up

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” — Albert Einstein, German physicist

“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.” —Elbert Hubbard

“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” —Rita Rudner

“Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.” — Clint Eastwood, American actor

“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn

“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” ― Helen Rowland, American journalist

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck, American comedian

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner, American comedian

“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” — Rodney Dangerfield, American comedian

“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.” —Stephanie Ortiz

“Did you know that the institution of marriage was created when the average person lived to the age of 30?” — Kim in The Last Kiss

“For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” —Catherine Zeta-Jones

“Because I always say, if you’re married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you’re doing really good!” —Michelle Obama

“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” —Joyce Brothers

“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor

“Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash.” — Dr. Joyce Brothers, American psychologist

“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland

“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr

“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterward.” —Benjamin Franklin

“Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you.” —Chip Gaines

“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” —Raymond Hull

“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness–and call it love–true love.” — Robert Fulgham, American author

“The first draft of my vows, which I wrote the day after we got engaged, clocked in at around 70 pages.” – Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” —Ogden Nash

“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.” —Neil Simon

“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” — Jerry Seinfeld, American comedian

“Everyone is born equal in life until they get married.” — Anonymous

“People say, ‘Jeez, it must be hard to stay married in show business.’ I think it’s hard to stay married anywhere, but if you marry the right person, it might work out.” —Tom Hanks

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”—Socrates

“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” —Sam Levenson

“I’m just a diaper-changing facility hooked up to a life-support system, but my wife, she’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She’s a human Denny’s all day long … and it never ends for her. She’s the most beautiful Denny’s you’ve ever seen though, I guarantee it.” —Ryan Reynolds

“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?” —Michelle Obama

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx

“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” — Andre Maurois, French writer

“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash

“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard

“I don’t want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad, and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat.” ―Mindy Kaling

“Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature.” —Donatella in Letters to Juliet

“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr

  • “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.” —Eddie Cantor
  • “Make sure you have date night even if it’s once in a blue moon because most of the time you’re just too tired and you’d actually prefer to sleep.” —Chris Hemsworth
  • “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
  • “A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.” —Dax Shepard
  • “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” — Catherine Zeta-Jones, American actress
  • “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterward.”—Benjamin Franklin
  • “You go, ‘You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me feel loved, you make me food.'” —Nikki Glaser recalling Amy Schumer’s wedding vows
  • “We have a couple of rules in our relationship. The first rule is that I make her feel like she’s getting everything. The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. And, so far, it’s working.” —Justin Timberlake
  • “I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”—Cameron Esposito
  • “Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
  • “She’s your lobster. Come on, you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws.” —Phoebe Buffay in Friends
  • “Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up, she’s there. You come back from work, she’s there. You fall asleep, she’s there. You eat dinner, she’s there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing, but it’s not.” —Rayon Everybody Loves Raymond
  • “Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
  • “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
  • “Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
  • “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash, American poet
  • “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
  • “Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?” – Janet Pariet, American writer
  • “Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?” — Dennis Miller, American TV personality
  • “You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!” —Bill Maher
  • “Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass.” —Mac MacGuff in Juno
  • “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” — Groucho Marx, American comedian, and actor
  • “Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.” —Beverley Nichols

Funny Quotes About Cousins

“At Christmas, Cousins are the presents under the tree.”

“A cousin is a childhood playmate who grows up to be a forever friend.”

“It’s not what we have, but who we have in life that matters.” — Unknown

“Cousins by chance, friends by choice.” — Unknown

“Be jealous….I have the best cousins!” -unknown

“A grandparent’s house is where cousins become best friends.”

“This is your official welcome to the crazy cousin crew!” -unknown

“The love of a family is life’s greatest blessing.”

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” – Desmond Tutu

“My cousins are way better than yours…and would totally drink yours under the table.” -unknown

“Cousins by blood. Sisters by heart. Friends by choice.” — Unknown

“A cousin a day keeps the boredom away.”

“Don’t tell the others, but you are definitely the coolest cousin.” -unknown

“I may not always be there with you, but I will always be there for you.” — Unknown

“Cousins: we may not have it all together, but together we have it all.” -unknown

“Happy National Best Cousin Day! What’d you get me?” -unknown

“Cousins? Nah, we’re best friends.” — Unknown

“Cousins are connected heart to heart, distance and time can’t break them apart.”

“A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” — Unknown

“Nobody will understand the craziness of your family better than your cousins.”

“In my cousin, I find a second self.”

“I’m that cousin that nobody wants to claim…and I’m your cousin!” -unknown

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.” – Anthony Brandt

“Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.”

“Cousin by blood, friends by choice.” – Darlene Shaw

“A cousin a day keeps the boredom away.” -unknown

“Keep the ones who heard you when you never said a word.” — Unknown

“I smile because you’re my family. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold cousins together.” – Woodrow Wilson

“Born as a cousin, made as a friend.” – Byron Pulsifer

“God made us cousins because he knew our mothers couldn’t handle us as siblings.” -unknown

“People find it difficult to live without their love but in my life that space is occupied by my cousin.”

“Cousins are people that are ready made friends.” – Courtney Cox

“Cousins: A little bit crazy, a little bit loud and a whole lotta love.” -unknown

“Cousins are friends that will love you forever.” — Unknown

“Win, lose or draw, you’re all my cousins and I love you.”

“We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.”

“Cousins are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.”

“In my cousin, I find a second self.” – Isabel Norton

“Time passes and we may be apart, but cousins always stay close at heart.”

“Cousins are like fudge…mostly sweet with a few nuts.” -unknown

“Treasure your cousins, they were your first friends and will love you forever.”

“Family: a little bit of crazy, a little bit of loud, and a whole lot of love.” — Unknown

“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” – Michael J. Fox

“Cousins? Nah, we’re best friends.” -unknown

“Cousins: Obnoxious when we’re together, yet we don’t even care!” -unknown

“Cousins are awesome! Well, mine are…I can’t speak for yours.” -unknown

“Cousins are not those we do not know but instead part of a family that also provide support and comfort.”

“Cousins, because parents couldn’t handle us as sisters.”

  • “Surround yourself with people who get you.” — Unknown
  • “Everyone has that one really strange cousin. If you don’t know who that is…it’s probably you!” -unknown
  • “A cousin is a ready-made friend for life.”
  • “Never underestimate the power of a cousin. — Unknown
  • “A cousin is someone who knows everything about you, and still likes you anyway.” -unknown
  • “Ain’t nobody crazier than your cousins on your mama’s side!” -unknown
  • “My cousins are shareholders of my soul.” – Saswat Padh
  • “The love between cousins knows no distance.”
  • “God made us cousins because He knew our mothers could not handle us as siblings.”
  • “Being my cousin is really the only gift you need.” -unknown
  • “You will be jealous as I have the best cousin.”
  • “Happiness is having crazy cousins.” -unknown
  • “No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.” — Unknown
  • “Cousins are friends that will love you forever.” – Constance Richards
  • “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” – Richard Bach
  • “Cousins, because parents couldn’t handle us as sisters.”— Unknown
  • “I smile because you’re my cousin. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.” -unknown
  • “Never forget who was with you from the start.” – Ziad K. Abdelnour
  • “Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the cousins together.”
  • “A cousin is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.” – Marion C. Garretty
  • “Your family is the best team you could ever have.” — Unknown
  • “Cousins: your favorite partners in crime.” -unknown
  • “Remember, as far as anyone knows, we are a nice normal family.” -unknown
  • “Cousins are childhood playmates who grow up to be forever friends.” — Unknown

Funny Quotes About Husband

“A man who is right by your side through everything makes you happy. But he can leave your side to make dinner once in a while!”

“Hey Vegetarians, my food shits on your food.” – Unknown

“I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.” – Author: Steven Wright

“My husband and I married for better or worse!! He couldn’t have done better and I couldn’t have done worse!”

“Only a widow can say exactly where her husband is.”

“I got baby food in my coffee maker.” -Rob Dyrdek

“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” – Cindy Gardner

“I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for? ”  – Author: Stephanie Lennox

“Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.”  -Woody Allen

“A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted.”

“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.”

“You don’t want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet.” – Author: Pamela Anderson

“Marriage is just fancy a word to adopt an overgrown male child who is no longer handled by his parents.”

“A husband is someone who after taking the trash out gives the impression he’s cleaned the whole house!”

“Oh, Mel, don’t worry. I’ve been hunting with your husband – the deer are completely safe.” – Author: Robyn Carr

“He’s the funniest, smartest person I know. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t bug me and I’m sure I bug him sometimes.” – Author: Sarah Jessica Parker

“In our marriage, everything is 50/50. I cook, he eats. I wash, he wears. I shop, he pays!”

“I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.”- Author: Joan Rivers

“There are two sides in a marriage, one who is always right and the other is called.. the husband”

“Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, “Are we going to have sex again?” He said, “Yes, but not with each other.” – Author: Rita Rudner

“I don’t have a desire to do reality. Because my truth is not what people are responding to. My truth is funny; I laugh with my husband every day.” – Author: Niecy Nash

“Mosquitos remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think.” -Tom Wilson

“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” -Michel De Montaigne

“Marriage is a workshop – where the husband works & the wife shops.”

“A clever wife often sleeps with a stupid husband.”

“Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!”

“I like food and sleep. So if I give you my food, or text you late at night, you are special to me.”

“Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!”

“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”

  • “A good wife comes from God and a good husband comes from the bank.” -Evans Amecha
  • “There are always jobs I have to learn because all good Italian girls know how to do them and one day I’ll need them to look after my chauvinistic husband.” – Author: Melina Marchetta
  • “One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip”
  • “My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.”
  • “Marriage is a matter of giving and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give.”
  • “The most romantic thing you can ever do for me buys me food.” Food is the most important meal of the day.” -Nikhil Saluja
  • “My husband was very special and very funny and outspoken, and he would have a black and blue every so often because, under the table, I’d say, ‘Don’t say that!” – Author: Blythe Danner
  • “My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.”
  • “The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.” – Author: Johnny Carson
  • “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.”
  • “A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
  • “Lucian. She’s not normal. She’s got the sex drive of Ursula. I’m so ashamed to say I’ve faked illnesses and gone to the doctor just to have a doctor’s excuse!” ~Steve~ – Author: Lucian Bane
  • “They say love is blind.. and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.”
  • “I like guys who are honest and funny. Looks come and go; I want to be 65 years old and laughing with my husband.” – Author: Jessica Lowndes
  • “The food channel is basically just po.. for your stomach.” -Unknown
  • “My husband says I feed him like he’s a god: every meal is a burnt offering.”
  • “My husband wears the pants in my house.. The ones I pick”
  • “It’s funny that until I actually met my husband, I never thought I’d get married.” – Author: Regina King
  • “I mean, I don’t want to pass judgment – I just wish my husband didn’t shoot deer.”
  • “The only man you will ever get is some fool named Grady who falls asleep in his soup.” – Author: Will Smith

Funny Quotes About Brother

“I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.” – Maya Angelou

“Half the time when brothers wrestle, it’s just an excuse to hug each other.” – James Patterson

“I am smiling because you are my brother. I am laughing because there is nothing you can do about.” – Unknown

“Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.” – Marc Brown

“Half the time when brothers wrestle, it’s just an excuse to hug each other.” – James Patterson

“A friend is a brother who was once a bother.” – Unknown

“A great brother deserves nothing but the best, today and always.” – unknown

“A brother is like a shoplifter who is always taking your stuff. But on the flip side, he is the only one who can pick stuff for you, as well.”

“A brother is a protector, and a nemesis all rolled into one package.”

“Since I was born before you, I will always have the bragging rights to say that you will forever remain my cute little brother.”

“A brother will always be a partner in crime until you get caught. In that case, he did it!”

“Our kids have learned from the experience of brothers and sisters that they can’t always be first.” – Melissa Dayton, Crushed

“He might have a big mouth, but he’s still my little brother. ” – Unknown

“Half the time when brothers wrestle, it’s just an excuse to hug each other.” – James Patterson

“My elder brother won’t die, and my younger brothers seem never to do anything else.” – Oscar Wilde

“May God bless every day of your life with a ray of sun, a touch of hope, a glint of joy & a drop of love.” – unknown

“My brother is a dream catcher. Because out of all the many useless dreams I had, he has caught the right ones and helped me achieve them.”

“Brothers that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.” – Lemony Snicket

“Brothers do not hit each other, they just high-five each other.”

“Whenever I see you brother, I see a reflection of me. It is almost like our parents clicked copy and paste.”

“Many say me and my brother look alike. If it is a compliment, then he looks like me, and when it is not, I look like him.”

“You are the locker for all my secrets. My bodyguard against problems. My power bank of energy, and the protector of my smile. You are my favorite person forever, dear brother.”

“Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.” – Marc Brown

“Wrestling one another is often brothers’ excuse to hug one another.”

“Little brothers are like bop bags, you hit ’em and they keep bouncing back for more. ” – Unknown

“They say “older is wiser,” but I’ve yet to see you demonstrate that as a fact! ” – Unknown

“Bigger isn’t always better, take big brothers for example. ” – Unknown

“You and I are brothers. If you fall, I will pick you up as soon as I finish laughing!”

“Half the time when brothers wrestle, it’s just an excuse to hug each other.” – James Patterson

“Dear bro, please remember that I will never let you do anything stupid alone!”

“The funniest moment of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose.”

“My elder brother won’t die, and my younger brothers seem never to do anything else.” – Oscar Wilde

“Brothers are nature’s way of providing insurance. Did you do something wrong? It is brother to the rescue!”

“I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.” – Maya Angelou

“Dear brother, I want you to know that you are my favorite person in this whole wide world, in this solar system, in this galaxy, and in the entire Milky Way.”

“While you may be the younger brother in the family, being the first-born statistically means that I’m the favorite. Hope that knowledge brings you joy on your special day!” – unknown

“I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.” – Maya Angelou

“The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose.” – Garrison

“One thing I can always look forward to in life is that even when I’m old, my big brother will still be older! ” – Unknown

“I know many troublemakers, but you will always be my favorite one, dear brother.”

“You are like crazy glue bro because no matter what mess I create, you are always there to fix the broken pieces.”

“A friend is a brother who was once a bother.” – Unknown

“Brothers are children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.” – Sam Levenson

“I’d like to take the time out of my busy day to wish you the very best, little brother. Oh, who am I kidding- I have plenty of time to harass you! Have a splendid day!” – unknown

“There is a little boy inside the man who is my brother.” – Anna Quindlen

“Brothers are like fat thighs..they stick together.” – Unknown

“You are normal one moment, and the next moment you are running around like a frenzy – that is the power of a brother.”

“Brothers are like fat thighs..they stick together.” – Unknown

“There’s no buddy like a brother.” – Author Unknown

“One can learn so many great lessons in life by watching their big brother make mistakes. Your big brother always remains a teacher.”

“The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose.” – Garrison

“The only thing big about my big brother is his ego! ” – Unknown

“My big brother is not perfect. But I still love him.”

“When you are a little kid, you look forward to getting bigger. Too bad, little brothers are stuck in that role forever!”

“I think I’m funny because my family, my siblings were funny.” – Martin Short

“If I could rephrase the dictionary, then the word brother would mean – that annoying best friend who gets on your nerves, but without whom life would be boring and miserable.”

“I may have forgotten a present, but I didn’t forget to say happy birthday to you! You’re the best little brother anyone could ever have!” – unknown

“Love between brothers is loud, rough, sweet, messy, fierce, fun, and unique forever.”

“I smile because you are my brother. I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it! Lots of love, bro.”

“Brother may it inspire you to know when I need a daily boost I remember the days of yesterday and the laughter we had as children.” – Robert Rivers

“I don’t call you a little brother because you’re younger, I call you a little brother because it’s my right to belittle you. ” – Unknown

“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.” – Liam Gallagher

“I think I’m funny because my family, my siblings were funny.” – Martin Short

“There are lots of famous characters with “Little” in their name like Little Richard or Stuart Little — too bad you’ll never be one of them, little brother! ” – Unknown

“Dear brother, you are the only enemy that I cannot live without, and you are the only enemy I love a lot.”

“While you may be the younger brother in the family, being the first-born statistically means that I’m the favorite. Hope that knowledge brings you joy on your special day!” – unknown

“Brotherhood is humankind’s oldest competition.”

“You were first a bother, then a brother, and now a friend.”

“If I was lit, you would tell – that’s why you’re my lit-tell brother! ” – Unknown

“Hey, another year closer to getting senior citizen discounts at restaurants! Wishing you an amazing day, my crazy younger brother!” – unknown

“Brothers can sit in a room and be together and just be completely comfortable.” – Leonardo DiCaprio

“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.” – Liam Gallagher

“The only thing big about my big brother is his ego! ” – Unknown

“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.” – Liam Gallagher

“I’d like to take the time out of my busy day to wish you the very best, little brother. Oh, who am I kidding- I have plenty of time to harass you! Have a splendid day!” – unknown

“Dear brother, you are like around rubber band. No matter how hard I twist you by being annoying or stretch you by harassing, you always come back to your original shape as a loving brother.”

“A brother is the only one who will pick on you for their own entertainment, but beat up anyone else who tries.”

“I smile because you’re my brother. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it!” – Author Unknown

“It takes two men to make one brother.” – Israel Zangwill


Funny Quotes About Sisters

“Hey, sister! People should use us as an example of being frenemies!.”

“Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.” Charles M. Schultz

“Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.” – Marc Brown.

“Sister, I didn’t mean to hit you on the face! I wanted to high-five you.”

“Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there.” – Amy Li.

“We shared a room, you stole my toys, and then my clothes, but best friends we became. ” Catherine Pulsifer

“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.” Patricia McCann

“No matter how hard you try, sisters are the friends you can never get rid of.”

“A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves—a special kind of double.” – Toni Morrison.

“If you mess with the big sister, there is always a younger, crazier sister behind her… that’s who you don’t want to mess with!” – Unknown

“If you think I’m high maintenance, you should see my sister.”

“We are the granddaughters of the witches they could not burn!”

“You can kid the world, but not your sister.” Charlotte Gray

“You’re my sister and my best friend. If you think otherwise, just remember I know all your secrets.”

“If you trip and fall in life, I will be there to help you up – after I quit laughing.”

“The middle sister is really just a big sister and a little sister in one.” – Unknown

“I know what you did, and I will tell Mom!

“Sister to sister we will always be, a couple of nuts off the family tree.” – Unknown

“More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.” Linda Sunshine

“What are sisters for if not to point out the things the rest of the world is too polite to mention.” – Claire Cook.

“Siblings are like sour patch candy. They are sour and sweet, all in one go.”

  • “Annoying you is my favorite pass time sister!.”
  • “Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.” – Pam Brown
  • “In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips.” – Unknown
  • “A sister will always notice her sister’s first gray hairs with glee.” Allison M. Lee
  • “A sister will always notice her sister’s first gray hairs with glee.” – Allison M. Lee.
  • “A sister will let you know when the outfit you’re trying on really doesn’t look fabulous.” Author Unknown
  • “We will always be together! I will haunt you even after I am gone, sister!.”
  • “I smile because you are my sister, I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!” Author Unknown
  • “Sister, you remind me of my friend from China. Ug Lee.”
  • “You keep your past by having sisters. As you get older, they’re the only ones who don’t get bored if you talk about your memories.” Deborah Moggach
  • “Little sister, you always make me feel like a mom!.”
  • “What do you mean no pets allowed? This is my sister.”
  • “My sister has an awesome sister, true story.” – Unknown
  • “Sister, you are not old. You are vintage.”
  • “Yeah, my sister scares me a little bit, but that’s part of what I love about her.”
  • “Sisters are like fat thighs… they stick together.” – Unknown
  • “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” – Desmond Tutu.
  • “I smile because you’re my sister. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.” – Unknown
  • “Our kids have learned from the experience of brothers and sisters that they can’t always be first.” Melissa Dayton, Crushed: When Parenting is Hard
  • “Sister if I saw it first, it is mine. If it’s broken it is yours.”
  • “I wanted to remind you that today is mother’s day. That makes me a better child for remembering! Keep up, sister!”
  • “If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.” Linda Sunshine
  • “We didn’t want to admit it then, but we were friends. Best friends.” – Shannon Celebi.
  • “My relationship with my sister is anywhere in between, Don’t breathe next to me to I will help you hide the body!.”
  • “More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.” – Linda Sunshine
  • “Middle sister: victim of our older sibling, tormentor of our younger sibling, and somehow, peacekeeper between the both of them.” – Unknown
  • “When you have a sister, you never truly forget the past. If you do, she’ll be happy to remind you of all your stupidest mistakes.”
  • Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five. Pam Brown
  • “I could never love anyone as I love my sisters.” – Amy, ‘Little Women’ (1994).
  • “We may look old and wise to the outside world. But to each other, we are still in junior school.” – Charlotte Gray.
  • “If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.” – Pearl Cleage
  • You my sister are always there for me, and on your birthday I just want to say thank you! Kate Summers
  • “Being sisters means you always have a backup.” – Unknown
  • “Our crazy family tree – we’re just two nuts who survived it together. Love you, sis.”
  • “Behind every little sister, there’s a big sister standing behind her holding a bat saying, ‘You wanna say that again?’” – Unknown
  • “You can fool the world sister, but not me. Never me.”
  • “Little sisters – the only person in the world you can blame for the things you did and get away with it.”
  • “We may look old and wise to the outside world. But to each other, we are still in junior school.” – Charlotte Gray
  • “Your sister knows which hot buttons to push to get you going, but she also knows how to be a support and encouragement when you go through difficult times.” – Byron Pulsifer
  • “We are sisters. If I am mad at someone, you are mad at them, too. End of story.” – Unknown
  • “Sister, you are the SHE to my shenanigans! ”
  • “As far as sisters go, you’re the best there is, but I’m still the favorite.”
  • “Your sister’s advice (solicited or unsolicited), carries weight.” – Lorraine Bodger

Funny Quotes On Exams

“I am in a relationship with studies, and it’s complicated.”

“I am in a relationship with studies and it’s complicated.”

“Why do we sometimes write ‘Etc’ in Exams? Because it means: E – End Of, T – Thinking, C -Capacity.”

“Examinations are the only way to know something at least for a few days.”

“80% of the exam is always based on one lecture that you missed and one topic that you didn’t prepare.”

“Examinations…? – The only way to know something at least for a few days.”

“A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world!”

“Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.”

“A thousand words of any teacher do not hurt much. But the silence of a friend in the examination hall brings tears to the eyes!”

“Sometimes, we finish the exam, and sometimes, the exam finishes us.”

“Cousins are created so that our Parents can compare marks.”

“A girl may not help you to get a lot of marks but Marks help you to get a lot of girls so Love your studies, not girls.”

“All I can say “damn” the exam!”

Exam Study: The act of texting and watching TV with an open textbook nearby.”

“I know I am something because God doesn’t create garbage.”

“The difference between try and triumph is a little umph.”

“One of the best captions written on a clock in the exam hall… “Time will pass. Will you?”

“If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.”

“Don’t spend all night studying, because you will sleep through the exam.”

“Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I  am tired of solving them for you.”

“Exam…? An exam is the only means to know something around the subject you were taught!”

“Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.”

“If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.”

“It’s very easy to be number one: find the guy who is number one, and score one point higher than he does.”

“I wish I could fit a memory card into my brain for Exams.”

“Student + dying = Studying.”

“I know I am more clever than my marks. so bullshit to Exams.”

“What happens in an exam: Tik tock, mind block, pen stop, eye pop, full shock, jaw drop, time up, no luck.”

“During the last 5 minutes of examination, every student gets a supernatural power!”

“Exams are over today, let’s party full night!”

“A Thermometer is the only thing that gets a ‘DEGREE’ without having a ‘BRAIN’!”

“Pen, Pencil! Ruler, Eraser, and Sharpener! Ready for the last finale! It’s over, Great! The life seems good, the life seems good!”

“Exams coming tension coming, exams finished tension finished.”

“I hate studying for exams, Is there an APP for that..?”

“A Thermometer is not the only thing that gets a ‘DEGREE’ without having a ‘BRAIN’! A silent message for all students.”

“I am not failed……My success is just postponed.”

“Why is it so EASY to fail but so HARD to SUCCEED?”

“Dedicated geniuses at work please don’t disturb?”

“I wish exams came with a 50/50 option.”

“Exams are like Girlfriends, 1 Too Many Questions.2 Difficult to Understand.3 More Explanation is Needed.4 Result is always FAIL!”

“Exam offer! Bring a copy on exam day, scratch, and show it to your nearest professor.”

“The night before an exam is like a night before Christmas. You can’t sleep and yet hope for a miracle too! ”

“Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.”

“School exams are memory tests, in the real world, no one is going to stop you from referring to a book to solve a problem.”

“When you do exams you never want to be the one who finishes first and you never want to be the one who finishes last.”

“Dear Google, why don’t you sit next to me through my exam?”

“I know I am something because God doesn’t create garbage.”

“I wish I could fit a memory card into my brain for exams.”

“I wish exams came with a 50/50 option.”

“Exam, please be nice. Sincerely, from my heart!”

“80% of the exam is always based on 1 lecture that you missed and 1 topic that you didn’t prepare.”

“Do not disturb brilliant minds at work!”

“Everything was going perfect, then the exam comes.”

“Hey, Google, why don’t you sit next to me during the exams?”

“Lovely days in my life, Childhood days, School days and college days, Horrible days in my life: only exam days.”

“Exams are over I have my life back!”

“Don’t stress, do your best, forget the rest.”

  • “An examination is when one question “when will you be free?”  You are looking at the calendar instead of the clock.”
  • “Do not disturb me, my last exam will be tomorrow. Good luck for me!”
  • “During a test, people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.”
  • “A thermometer is not the only thing that gets a ‘degree’ without having a ‘brain’!”
  • “The biggest mystery of Maths: 1000s of years passed, Millions of theorems derived, Millions of formulas made, but still, x is unknown!”
  • “The night before exams are like a night before Christmas. You can’t sleep and yet hope for a miracle too!”
  • “I had never passed a single school exam, and clearly never would.”
  • “What happens in an exam: Tik tock, mind block, pen stop, eye pop, full shock, jaw drop, time up, no luck.”
  • “My school cares more about the uniform than about my education!”
  • “Amen brother – Final exam… done and dusted. At least till results day.”
  • “Exams let me know how much I can fight in my sleep.”
  • “Everything was going perfect, then the exam comes.”
  • “Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor’s course.”
  • “I wish I could fit a memory card into my brain for exams.”
  • “A thermometer is not the only thing that gets a ‘degree’ without having a ‘brain’! (A silent message for all students).”
  • “Not everyone who takes extra paper during finals writes extra sense.”
  • “Exam: My Study period = 15 minutes!  My break time = 3 hours!”
  • “Do Not Disturb, it’s study time.”
  • “Do not disturb it is exam time!”
  • “Dear exam please be nice thanks!”
  • “My school cares more about the uniform than about my education! ”
  • “The exam is over = OH YEAH! Result comes = OH SHIT!”
  • “Win a free trip to the principal’s office, and enjoy three years vacation at home.”
  • “Good luck passing the exam and my deepest early condolences if you don’t.”
  • “Exam offer! Bring a copy on exam day, scratch and show it to your nearest professor. Win a free trip to the principal’s office, and enjoy three years vacation at home.”

Funny Quotes For Girls

“Happiness Is… New Cosmetics, Many Of Them!”

“Be someone who makes everyone feel like someone.”

“My Heels Are Higher Than Your Standards.”

“Every girl has three personalities. 1. The one when she’s with her family. 2. The one when she’s with her friends. 3. The one when she’s with him.”

“The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion.” – Proverb

“A baby girl is one of the most beautiful miracles in life, one of the greatest joys we can ever know, and one of the reasons why there is a little extra sunshine, laughter, and happiness in your world today.”

“Girls will get together just to get together. Guys need an activity as an excuse. Otherwise, it’s too homo for them to handle.”

“Aside From Gravity, Nothing In Life Can Keep Me Down.”

“A Beautiful Woman Glows Even Under The Shining Moon.”

“Looks Aren’t Everything, But I Have Them Just In Case.”

“Am I a sweet angel or a naughty devil? You decide.”

“Be A Diamond Esteemed And Rare, Not A Stone Found Everywhere.”

“You’re a beautiful girl, and you can do anything you want in life.” – Jeanine Pirro

“Happiness Is A New Lipstick.”

“Money Can’t Buy Happiness… But It Can Buy Amazing Makeup.”

“I Collect Smiles, And Then I Give Them Away.”

“Be A Girl With A Mind, A Woman With Attitude, And A Lady With Class.”

“They say there’s no excuse for laziness. Watch me discover one!”

“A wise girl knows her limits, a smart girl knows that she has none.” – Marilyn Monroe

“Be a beautiful cupcake in a world full of muffins.”

“My God! We’ve Had To Clone In The South For Years. It’s Called Cousins.”

“At Least This Balloon Is Attracted To Me!”

“Aside From Gravity, Nothing In Life Can Keep Me Down.”

“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.” – Erma Bombeck

“Marriage Is A Great Institution, But I’m Not Ready For An Institution.”

“Good Girls Are Bad Girls That Didn’t Get Caught!”

“Too many girls rush into relationships because of the fear of being single, then start making compromises, and losing their identity. Don’t do that.” – Katy Perry

“It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.” -Tallulah Bankhead

“I Suffer An Extreme Case Of Not Being Beyonce. .”

“I Can’t Do The Same Thing Every Night, The Same Gestures… It’s Like Putting On Dirty Panties Every Day.”

“A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” – Coco Chanel

“I Want To Be Wild, Beautiful And Free, Just Like A Sea.”

“Shopping Is Still Cheaper Than Therapy ?”

“The Most Beautiful Woman Is One Who Puts On A Smile As Her Makeup Every Morning.”

“If you’re sad, add more lipstick and attack.” – Coco Chanel

“People say I act like I don’t care. Well, I say none of it is an act.”

“Tangled Hair, Don’t Care.”

“I Like Long Romantic Walks… To The Makeup Aisle.”

“Be A Beautiful Cupcake In A World Full Of Muffins.”

“If Opportunity Doesn’t Knock, Build A Door.”

“Heels and red lipstick will put the fear of God into people.” – Dita Von Teese

“Picky with men as I am picky with my selfies.”

“You Are Magic. Don’t Ever Apologize For The Fire In You.”

Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves and, of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys they’d just walk around naked at all times.”

“Skin on glow, money please grow.”

“There’s A Million Fish In The Sea. But I’m A Mermaid.”

“Being Glamorous Is Not A Crime.”

“We girls, we’re tough, darling. Soft on the outside but, deep down, we’re tough.” – Kristen Ashley

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” – Albert Einstein

“A real girl isn’t perfect and a perfect girl isn’t real.” – Harry Styles

“Don’t get bitter, just get better.” – Alyssa Edwards

“A Wise Girl Knows Her Limits, A Smart Girl Knows That She Has None.”

“Chocolate Doesn’t Ask Questions. Chocolate Understands.”

“Every Woman Is An Angel, You Only Need To Take Her To Heaven.”

“Money Can’t Buy Happiness… But It Can Buy Amazing Makeup.”

“Happy Girls Are The Prettiest.”

“No Matter How You Feel, Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up And Neve.”

“Do Not Take Life Too Seriously. You Will Never Get Out Of It Alive.”

“Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That’s what little girls are made of; the heck with sugar and spice.”

“Someday, I’m going to eye-roll myself into another universe.”

“True Happiness Is When Your Hair And Makeup Look Good At The Same Time!”

“Bitches be tripping. Okay, maybe I pushed one.”

“Roses are red, I’m going to bed.”

“I love the person I’ve become because I fought to become her.” – Kayci Diane

“Whether For Eyeliner Or Life, Just Wing It!”

“You’re a beautiful girl, and you can do anything you want in life.” – Jeanine Pirro

“My Favourite Makeup Is Confidence.”

“What’s your opinion regarding this picturesque sight?.”

“She Was The Type Of Girl The Moon Chased And The Stars Wished For.”

“Better to be strong than pretty and useless.” – Lilith Saintcrow

“When A Woman Is Late, Do Not Ask Her, The Foundation Had To Dry First.”

“A clever girl may pass through the phase of a foolish miss on the way to a sensible woman.” – Mary Lascelles

“Every beautiful girl need to hear some cute words but only one who deserves it.” – Nabil Toussi

“I’m Not Fat. I’m Just Easier To See.”

“Beautiful Girl You Were Made To Do Hard Things So Believe In Yourself.”

“Give a girl the correct footwear and she can conquer the world.” – Bette Midler

“So you like bad girls? I’m actually bad at everything.”

“At Least This Balloon Is Attracted To Me!”

“Just because I’m sassy and have a mouth on me doesn’t mean I’m coming from a negative place.” – Kesha

  • “God Is Really Creative, I Mean… Just Look At Me.”
  • “Behind Every Successful Woman Is Only Herself.”
  • “If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” -Katharine Hepburn
  • “Speak English. Kiss french. Dress Italian. Spend Arab. Party Caribbean.”
  • “A girl should be like a butterfly. Pretty to see, hard to catch.”
  • “I Am Just A Girl Standing In Front Of A Salad, Asking For It To Be A Donut.”
  • “Keep calm and call your stylist.”
  • If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she’s late?”
  • “Inner Beauty Needs No Makeup.”
  • “A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.” – Cher
  • “The only thing resting here is my bitch face.”
  • “Be Classy, Sassy, And A Bit Smart Assy.”
  • “I’m Nicer When I Like My Outfit.”
  • “As A Woman, I Cannot Run The World And Run After Men!”
  • “A girl is an Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot.”
  • “Make up can make you beautiful on the outside, but it won’t work if you are ugly on the inside.”
  • “I’m a girl. Don’t touch my hair, face, phone, or boyfriend.”
  • “Behind Every Successful Woman Is Only Herself.”
  • “It’s Better To Arrive Late Than To Arrive Ugly.”
  • “Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves and, of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys they’d just walk around naked at all times.”
  • “Life isn’t perfect but your outfit can be.”
  • “Who Run The World? Girls.”
  • “Cut My Pie Into Four Pieces, I Do Not Think I Could Eat Eight.”
  • “I Am Not Short, I Am Just Concentrated Awesome.”
  • “Eat Diamonds for breakfast and shine all day.”
  • “My Hairstyle Is Called – I Tried.”
  • “If Life Gives Me Lemons – I’ll Ask For Tequila And Salt.”
  • “Behind Every Successful Man Is A Woman Rolling Her Eyes.”
  • “A Man Is Only Yours When You Are With Him.”
  • “God Is Really Creative, I Mean… Just Look At Me.”
  • “Sleep… Eat… Makeup… Repeat.”
  • “I embrace mistakes, they make you who you are.” – Beyonce
  • “The only time I chase guys is when they try to steal my food.”
  • “You Know I’ll Rise Up Every Time Like A Phoenix.”
  • “Never call your selfie ugly. Call it wacky.”
  • “Let’s get down and dirty. Let’s be a real girl.” – Drew Barrymore
  • “It’s Better To Arrive Late Than To Arrive Ugly.”
  • “God Is Really Creative, I Mean Just Look At Me.”
  • “I Am Not Short, I Am Just Concentrated Awesome.”
  • “Shopping Is Still Cheaper Than Therapy?”
  • “Never ever dare to underestimate the power of a woman’s intuition and instinct. She can recognize a game before you even play it.”
  • “A woman knows by intuition, or instinct, what is best for herself.” -Marilyn Monroe
  • “I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton
  • “Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
  • “I Don’t Know What’s Tighter, Our Jeans Or Our Friendship.”

Funny Quotes For Students

“He who opens a school door closes a prison.”

“We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school.” – Peter De Vries.

“What did the senior college student say to the Freshman? RUN!

“As long as there will be Maths in school I always pray to God.”

“I watched an egg frying and thought this is what college does to your brain?”

“The best antiques to collect are old friends.”

“Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path, then, by all means, you should follow that.”

“During a test when the teacher passes by, you cover your answer with your hand. So that the teacher can’t see how stupid you are?”

“Struggling to decide what to do after graduation is, and always will be, a sort of rite of passage to the next phase of your life.” -Gloria Davidson

“When my friend isn’t present in school, 5% I hope he’s okay, 95% how dare you to leave me alone.”

“If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.” – Muhammad Ali

“Back off, I’m easily triggered!”

“I need to color! I need to color!”

“In 300 BC Euclid invented geometry and the grade F.”

“Work hard, nap hard.”

“What’s the difference between breakfast and lunch? Nothing. Both taste terrible.”

“The first day of chemistry class everyone thinks that I can cook meth.” “Be so good they can’t ignore you.”

“Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.” -John Green

“And to think trees gave up their lives for this class book!”

“Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.”

“You send your child to the schoolmaster, but ’tis the schoolboys who educate him. You send him to the Latin class, but much of his tuition comes, on his way to school, from the shop- windows.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“I’ve had more bad hair days since I started college than good hair days!”

“Remember, when it comes to applying for jobs, books ARE judged by their cover!” -Patricia Akins

“Stress moved in and I checked out.”

“You have to be really serious to study math.”

“Life was easier before college. I got to sleep.”

“I don’t go to school to learn I go to school just to entertain others.”

“To be honest, I still have not to figure out the sense of making tons of homework every day.”

“There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done: school and prison.” – William Glasser.

“In bed, it’s 6 am you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45. At school it’s 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 1:31.”

“Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” – Kurt Vonnegut.

“Goats are like mushrooms, if you shoot a duck, I’m scared of toasters.”

“College is for idiots!”

“When I tell you that I miss school, what I really mean is that I miss the people I had fun with.”

“Schooling purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.”

“We do not remember days; we remember moments.”

“Telltale sign of who’s failing classes – Anyone sleeping in.”

“A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.” – Theodore Roosevelt.

“My mom would never approve of this!”

“Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.” – Thomas Dewar

“I’m majoring in philosophy so I can be unemployed all my life.”

“Buddy, college is supposed to set you on your life path, but it looks like you took a wrong turn!”

“You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.” -Tom & Ray Magliozzi

“A clean dorm room is a sign you aren’t partying enough.”

“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.”

“Best advice from this senior? Cold pizza is just as good on the second day as it is on the third day.”

“After four years, I’ve realized that the meaning of life can’t be found here!”

“How much money does it take to eat at college? More than I have!”

“Can I borrow an ounce of can’t for my cup of EVAH?

“In school, they told me practice makes perfect. And then they told me nobody’s perfect, so then I stopped practicing.”

“Even if you are on the right track you will get run over if you just sit there.”

“Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.” -Erma Bombeck

“Why pass your exams when you can pass away.”

“I know how much is in a cup and this isn’t enough!”

“A real friend wouldn’t let me be here!”

“Help me! I’m stuck in class and can’t get out!”

“School is killing us. Textbooks are made from paper. Paper is made from trees. We need trees for Oxygen. Thus the school is killing us.”

“No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.”

  • “High School looks good on TV but in reality, it does not.”
  • “The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you”.
  • “In school, they told me Practice makes perfect. And then they told me Nobody’s perfect, so then I stopped practicing.” – Steven Wright.
  • “At graduation, you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.” – Greg Tamblyn
  • “Sometimes you just need to tell your friend to stop whining about classes and go back to bed!”
  • “My teacher always asks for not wasting time and then she gave 30 minutes of speech on how not to waste time.”
  • “My roommate sits in the corner watching me!” “Ah buddy, your roommate dropped out last month.”
  • “You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.” – Bill Watterson.
  • “Wow, my friend’s parents saved for 18 years, just so he can get drunk every night!”
  • “What is blue all over? Me!”
  • “I’m triggered, what’s your excuse?”
  • “Sometimes you just have to throw on a crown and remind them who they’re dealing with.”
  • “My mum wakes me up to go to school but she doesn’t know that my favorite place to sleep is on the last bench.”
  • “You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.”
  • “Groupthink is a college prerequisite.”
  • “As long as teachers give tests, there will always be prayer in schools.”
  • “Time will pass will you?”
  • “I just realized my modern lit class started an hour ago… yesterday.”
  • “Whoever said I wanted to be here?”
  • “Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.”
  • “Zombies have the right to attend college. They’ve had it for centuries!”
  • “Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.”
  • “Some students drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.”

Funny Quotes For Teachers

“Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.” – Benjamin Franklin.

“The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don’t want to learn much.” – W. C. Stellar

“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils..” – Hector Berlioz

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” – Cynthia Ozick.

“Cheers to all of the teachers who give out pencils every single day knowing that they’ll never get them back.” – Unknown

“In the school, I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.” -Rodney Dangerfield

“Deja Poo: The feeling a teacher gets at a faculty meeting that she’s heard this stuff before.” – Heidi McDonald
“Teaching is a walk in the park… If that park is Jurassic Park.”

“Education is the key to success in life, and teachers make a lasting impact in the lives of their students.” – Solomon Ortiz.

“Y’all gonna make me lose my mind up in here, up in here!”

“Success is not a good teacher, failure makes you humble.” – Shah Rukh Khan.

“Teaching is like hiking up an erupting volcano, during a hurricane, while being chased by dinosaurs.”

“Teaching is the greatest act of optimism.” – Colleen Wilcox

“Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.” – Minna Thomas Antrim

“A policeman pulled me over and asked me for my papers. I gladly gave him all of my students’ essays to grade and drove off.” – Heidi McDonald

“If you can read this, thank a teacher.” – Harry S. Truman.

Good teachers are the ones who can challenge young minds without losing their own.”

“Sunday is a teacher’s day of rest: the rest of the laundry, the rest of the housework, and grade the rest of the papers.” – Heidi McDonald.

“Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.”

“It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.” – Albert Einstein

“Sunday is a teacher’s day of REST: the REST of the laundry, the REST of the housework, and grade the REST of the papers.” – Heidi McDonald

“If the things that ran through my head came out of my mouth while teaching, there’s no way I’d still have a job.”

“He who can do. He who cannot, teaches.” -George Bernard Shaw

“I am not a teacher, but an awakener.” – Robert Frost.

“Good teaching must be slow enough so that it is not confusing, and fast enough so that it is not boring.” – Sidney J. Harris.

“ Writing with a fresh expo marker is like crawling into a bed made up with sheets fresh from the dryer.”

“Education is not the filling of a pot but the lighting of a fire.” – W.B. Yeats.

“Our task, regarding creativity, is to help children climb their own mountains, as high as possible. No one can do more.” – Loris Malaguzzi.

“Personally I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.” – Winston Churchill

“Education costs money, but then so does ignorance.” – Claus Moser.

“Your heart is slightly bigger than the average human heart, but that’s because you’re a teacher.” – Aaron Bacall.

“ A BMW can’t take you as far as a diploma.” – Joyce A Myers

“Nobody is your friend, nobody is your enemy, but every person is your teacher.”

“It’s very hard to teach anything to a young man who knows everything.” – Paul Malmont

“A very wise old teacher once said: I consider a day’s teaching wasted if we do not all have one hearty laugh.” – Gilbert Highet.

“People demand a miracle from teachers, and if a miracle happens, no one is surprised.”

“A teacher’s job is to take a bunch of live wires and see that they are well-grounded.” -Darwin D. Martin

“A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” – Henry Adams.

“Teaching is the greatest act of optimism.” – Colleen Wilcox.

“Education is what survives when what has been learned is forgotten.” – BF Skinner.

“The best teacher of children, in brief, is one who is essentially childlike.” – H. L. Mencken

“The cross-eyed teacher keeps the whole class in suspense during the test.”

“A sentence for any 7-year-old child: 11 years of school regime with toys confiscated.”

“Great teachers empathize with kids, respect them, and believe that each one has something special that can be built upon.” – Ann Liberman.

“Often when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to until she got an unlisted number.” – Unknown

“Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.” – John Dewey.

“Patriotism is always the result of a happy childhood, which depends not on money, but on parents, friends, and teachers.”

“Teachers are the only professionals who have to respond to bells every forty-five minutes and come out fighting.” – Frank McCourt

“Keep calm and pretend this is on the lesson plan.”

“Life is a far too good teacher to teach us only good things.”

“Ask yourself: ‘Do I feel the need to laminate?’ Then teaching is for you.”

“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.” -Woody Allen

“In an effective classroom, students should not only know what they are doing, but they should also know why and how.” – Harry Wong.

“A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.” – Henny Youngman

“A good teacher can inspire hope, ignite the imagination, and instill a love of learning.” – Brad Henry.

“A gifted teacher is as rare as a gifted doctor and makes far less money.” – Unknown

“Children are like cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” – Dr. Haim Ginott

  • “People learn something every day, and a lot of times it’s what they learned the day before was wrong.” – Bill Vaughan
  • “Ask yourself: ‘Do I feel the need to laminate?’ Then teaching “is for you.” – Gordon Korman
  • “There are three things to remember when teaching: know your stuff; know whom you are stuffing, and then stuff them elegantly.” -Lola May
  • “Being a new teacher is like trying to fly an airplane while building it.” – Rick Smith
  • “Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition.” – Jacques Barzun
  • “Teaching: the only profession where you steal things from home and bring them to work.”
  • “Your teacher is not the one who teaches you, but the one who you learn from.”
  • “A gifted teacher is not only prepared to meet the needs of today’s child but is also prepared to foresee the hopes and dreams in every child’s future.”
  • “Those who know, do. Those that understand, teach.” – Aristotle.
  • “Young teachers don’t know how to work. But experienced ones know how not to work.”
  • “Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best.” – Bob Talbert
  • “Your best teacher is your last mistake.” – Ralph Nader
  • “Summer: The time of the year when parents realize just how grossly underpaid teachers actually are.” – Unknown
  • “When educating the minds of our youth, we must not forget to educate their hearts.” – Dalai Lama
  • “A teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary.” – Thomas Carruthers
  • “Judging by the teachers’ salaries, our government is made up of vengeful ignoramuses.”
  • “As long as teachers give test there will always be prayer in schools.” – Unknown
  • “It takes a big heart and a large, extra-strong coffee to shape little minds.”
  • “I teach high school math. I sell a product to a market that doesn’t want it but is forced by law to buy it.” – Dan Meyer
  • “There are three good reasons to be a teacher – June, July, and August.” – Unknown
  • “You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, ‘This is art, and you can’t do it.” – Steve Martin
  • “Teachers affect eternity; no-one can tell where their influence stops.” -Henry Brook Adams
  • “By choosing to be a teacher, you have entered an emotionally dangerous profession.” – Unknown
  • “Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.” – Malcolm X
  • “Not to brag but my teacher’s voice is good enough to make the class next door quiet down.”
  • “No one should teach who is not in love with teaching.” – Margaret Elizabeth Sangster
  • “Summer: The time of the year when parents realize just how grossly underpaid teachers actually are.” -Unknown
  • “Teach the children so it will not be necessary to teach the adults.” – Abraham Lincoln.
  • “It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.” – Albert Einstein
  • “Intelligence plus character– that is the goal of true education.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
  • “Of all the hard jobs around, one of the hardest is being a good teacher.” – Maggie Gallagher
  • “I cannot teach anybody anything; I can only make them think.” – Socrates
  • “One book, one pen, one child, and one teacher can change the world.” – Malala Yousafzai
  • “A teacher’s job is to take a bunch of live wires and see that they are well-grounded.” – D. Martin
  • “The best teacher in our life is life itself, its lessons cannot be skipped.”
  • “Nine-tenths of education is encouragement.’ – Anatole France.
  • “Good teachers also have bad students: for example, Christ had Judas.”
  • “You know what takes longer than a kid telling a story? Nothing!”

Summary

I hope you will enjoy these Cute Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life And Love…

Whether you are notified of a personal motto or a cute saying for a gift or card, these cute quotes are assured to create smiles.

These Funny Quotes, Funny Quotes For WhatsApp Status, Short Funny Quotes, Funny Quotes On Life, Funny Quotes About Self, Funny Quotes About Friends, Funny Quotes About Marriage, Funny Quotes About Cousins, Funny Quotes About Husband, Funny Quotes About Brother, Funny Quotes About Sisters, Funny Quotes On Exams, Funny Quotes For Girls, Funny Quotes For Students, Funny Quotes For Teachers and Love Quotes and Picture Quotes confiscation the special excitement of falling in love, and laugh at all the crazy emotions you ambiance as you fall in love.

There is another article on Helping Others Quotes

Continue Reading

Quotes

100+ Inspirational Helping Others Quotes

Published

on

Helping Others Quotes

These Helping Others Quotes boost you to facilitate and support others whenever you can. Helping others without expecting everything in return can take lasting happiness. It can help to build your confidence, relationships, and loving others, and bring meaningful success.

When we extending a helping hand to worried people for not only vanishes tears off their face, but also deed as a cure for oneself. Similarly, you may have initiate yourself in circumstances during which you were fully reliant on the help of others.

You never know you may realize your own inner peace and unity while helping someone in need. Bringing a smile on someone’s face gives extensive relief. If you’re having a tough time or something is afflict you, try to make someone’s day by helping him.

Read these quotes about helping others and remind: even when you feel your humanity goes unseen, it’s necessary. It casts a ripple out into the world.

“Never look down on anybody unless you are helping him up.” – Jesse James

helping others quotes images

“Helping others in need is not only a responsibility for life; it is what gives meaning to life.” – Mollie Marti

“No one is useless in this world who lightens in the burden or other.” – Charles Dickens

helping others quotes and sayings

“It’s also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I’ve been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That’s why we’re here, after all, to help others.” – Carol Burnett

“Wealth is not to feed our egos, but to feed the hungry and to help people help themselves.” – Andrew Carnegie

quotes on helping others

“It’s not about giving back if you’re successful or a celebrity or how much money you have: it’s about your responsibility as an adult to help others.” – Trisha Yearwood

“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” –Steve Maraboli

quotes about helping others

“Our greatness has always come from people who expect nothing and take nothing for granted – folks who work hard for what they have, then reach back and help others after them.” – Michelle Obama

“No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.” – Calvin Coolidge

inspirational quotes on helping others

“Be true to yourself. Make each day a masterpiece. Help others. Drink deeply from good books. Make friendship a fine art. Build a shelter against a rainy day.” – John Wooden

“A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles.” – Washington Irving

motivational quotes on helping others

“My role model was my grandfather. He instilled in me the feeling that no matter how successful you are you have a responsibility to help others.” – Kevin Johnson

“I believe world is one big family and we need to help each other.” – Jet Li

motivational helping quotes

“Everyone suffers some injustice in life, and what better motivation than to help others not suffer in the same way.” – Bella Thorne

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” – Anne Frank

inspirational helping others quotes

“It all depends on what people you’re talking about helping. That’s the wonderful think about just about every religion on the planet – they’re all so incredibly selfish.” – Derek Landy

“Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who does nothing because he could do only a little.” – Edmond Burke

quotes for helping others in need

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” – John Holmes

“We rise by lifting others.” – Robert Ingersoll

quotes for helping each other

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” – Booker T. Washington

“We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” – Winston Churchill

“We have a responsibility to help those around us and help others in need.” – Virginia Williams

“A Christian reveals true humility by showing the gentleness of Christ, by being always ready to help others, by speaking kind words and performing unselfish acts, which elevate and ennoble the most sacred message that has come to our world.” – Ellen G. White

“The purpose of life is to help others, and if you can’t help them, won’t you at least not hurt them? I know that is a platitude, that that is sentimental and can easily be attacked. But loving, caring is simple, and we make it complex. Our own neuroses make it complex.” – Leo Buscaglia

“My journey through life has led me through both light and dark places, and it’s because of those experiences that I have learned how to work through my character defects and to help others do the same.” – Jessie Pavelka

“I think when you work really hard and you help others, God helps you get what you want.” – Gina Rodriguez

“A person’s most useful asset is not the head full of knowledge, but a heart full of love, an ear ready to listen and a hand willing to help.” – Unknown

“I want to create the largest-ever participatory art project and highlight the concept of Shadow Philanthropy, where people help others create work without taking credit for it – through this, we can really change the world.” – JR

“It is necessary to help others, not only in our prayers, but in our daily lives. If we find we cannot help others, the least we can do is to desist from harming them.” – Dalai Lama

“Let us ask ourselves, ‘What kind of people do we think we are?’ And let us answer, ‘Free people, worthy of freedom and determined not only to remain so but to help others gain their freedom as well.” – Ronald Reagan

“The more credit you give away, the more will come back to you. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.” – Brian Tracy

“It’s like everything in football – and life. You need to look, you need to think, you need to move, you need to find space, you need to help others. It’s very simple in the end.” – Johan Cruyff

“I think to have the skill set and the ability to physically help others in matters of life and death must be incredibly empowering.” – Karlie Kloss

“If I weren’t performing, I’d be a beauty editor or a therapist. I love creativity, but I also love to help others. My mother was a hairstylist, and they listen to everyone’s problems – like a beauty therapist.” – Beyonce Knowles

“In the workplace, many people become helicopter managers, hovering over their employees in a well-intentioned but ill-fated attempt to provide support. These are givers gone awry – people so desperate to help others that they develop a white knight complex and end up causing harm instead.” – Adam Grant

“I believe that in this new world that we live in, we often have a responsibility, you know, to actually go beyond the thou shalt nots – that is, the not harming others – and say we can help others and we should be helping others.” – Peter Singer

“One of the things we’ve always tried to do is help others with our story. Whether it’s with the infertility issues, whether it’s with the breast cancer, we said we’re gonna turn these negatives into positives. And if we can help others by sharing our story, then it’s worth it.” – Bill Rancic

“The idea is to try to give all the information to help others to judge the value of your contribution; not just the information that leads to judgment in one particular direction or another.” – Richard P. Feynman

“There have been struggles and challenges that I have faced that few know about but I hope will help others going through the same thing.” – Ginger Zee

“We, all of us, could do a much better job of evoking what someone has called the universal principle of human altruism: the urge in us all to help others who are in danger.” – Bart Starr

“I just want to be happy, have kids, enjoy my life, help others and create some good work.” – David Walliams

“Get off your bottom and be the stand, and do the work you can to pursue the American Dream for yourself, and help others to do the same.” – David Pratt

“I will always do what I can to help others, but when I retire, I want to be a dad and a husband. I want a house and a dog in the yard. I want to have barbecues.” – J. J. Watt

“I’ve achieved ‘the American dream.’ I feel it’s my duty to help others achieve their vision, too – especially the youth.” – Joe Frazier

“Progress depends on our brain. The most important part of our brain, that which is neocortical, must be used to help others and not just to make discoveries.” – Rita Levi-Montalcini

“Try to help others. Consult their weaknesses, relieve their maladies; strive to raise them up, and by so doing you will most effectually raise yourself up also.” – Joseph Barber Lightfoot

“Help others reach world-class. And they’ll joyfully help you get to your best.” – Robin S. Sharma

“With wealth, one is in a position of responsibility. You must try to help others. It is as simple as that.” – Arpad Busson

“Developing our capacity for compassion makes it possible for us to help others in a more skillful and effective way. And compassion helps us as well.” – Joan Halifax

“If you have an opportunity to help others or incite change, it feels like a moral obligation to do so.” – Elizabeth Chambers

“Sometimes in life, we try to do our very best to help others, and in the process, it brings some anguish to us. But we can’t ever let that stop us. We can’t ever be stopped from helping others and allowing them to have some sense of happiness and joy in their life.” – Jon Huntsman, Sr.

“I feel that if you are blessed, or lucky enough, to be doing well, you should help others.” – Laurell K. Hamilton

“I thought the Billie Holiday comparison was beautiful. I think, Wow, what a wonderful, creative, helpful spirit. She’s someone who wanted to help others by sharing her emotion. That’s what I do, too, so I think that’s a great comparison.” – Erykah Badu

“Once I leave this earth, I know I’ve done something that will continue to help others.” – Jackie Joyner-Kersee

“Through our willingness to help others we can learn to be happy rather than depressed.” – Gerald Jampolsky

“To me, there are saints every day. They stand up and help others and live for others and do things for others.” – Theodore Melfi

“It’s not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of person kind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.” – Leo Buscaglia

“To do more for the world than the world does for you, that is a success.” – Henry Ford

“Even the smallest act of caring for another person is like a drop of water -it will make ripples throughout the entire pond.”– Jessy and Bryan Matteo

“Do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others.” – Socrates

“In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us.” – Flora Edwards

“Never underestimate the difference you can make in the lives of others. Step forward, reach out and help. This week reach to someone that might need a lift.” – Pablo

“I believe that love expands. As you give love out, it’s received and reciprocated and it grows. That’s the beauty of it.” – Hill Harper

“To ease another’s heartache is to forget one’s own.” – Abraham Lincoln

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“If you get, give. If you learn, teach.” – Maya Angelou

We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.” – Dr. Loretta Scott

“Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” – Mohammed Ali

“When a person is down in the world, an ounce of help is better than a pound of preaching.” – Edward G. Bulwer

“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” – Frank A. Clark

“Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, What’s in it for me? ” – Brian Tracy

“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.” – Maya Angelou

“There is no use whatever trying to help people who do not help themselves. You cannot push anyone up a ladder unless he is willing to climb himself.” – Andrew Carnegie

“Earn your success based on service to others, not at the expense of others.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.” – Buddha

“As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” – Audrey Hepburn

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others and if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” – Dalai Lama

“Time and money spent in helping men to do more for themselves is far better than mere giving.” – Henry Ford

“My favorite six words in recovery are: trust God, clean house, and help others.” – Matthew Perry

“The Holy Ghost will warn us of danger, and it will inspire us to help others in need.” – Joseph B. Wirthlin

“You feel alive to the degree that you feel you can help others.” – John Travolta

“Whatever God would want me to do love each other and help others. I want to add, not take away.” – Donna Douglas

“The main rule to me is to honor God with your life. To live a life of integrity. Not be selfish. You know, help others. But that’s really the essence of the Christian faith.” – Joel Osteen

“ The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.” – Barack Obama

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” – Charles Dickens

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.” – Sally Koch

“We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone” – Ronald Reagan

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” – Albert Pine

“Don’t wait for other people to be loving, giving, compassionate, grateful, forgiving, generous, or friendly… lead the way!” – Steve Maraboli

“If you meet someone who has no smile, give them one of yours.” – Dan Zadra

  • “Service which is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the served. But all other pleasures and possessions pale into nothingness before service which is rendered in a spirit of joy.” – Mahatma Gandhi
  • “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” – Mother Teresa
  • “Being of service to others is what brings true happiness.” – Marie Osmond
  • “The purpose of both temporal and spiritual self-reliance is to get ourselves on higher ground so that we can lift others in need.” – Robert D. H
  • “Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” – Mother Teresa
  • “If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.” – Booker T. Washington
  • “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” – Buddha
  • “You can have everything you want in life if you just help enough people get what they want in life.” – Zig Ziglar
  • “An effort made for the happiness of others lifts us above ourselves.” – Lydia M. Child
  • “To do more for the world than the world does for you, that is success.” – Henry Ford
  • “We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.” – Dr. Loretta Scott
  • “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” – Chinese Proverb
  • “Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping him up.” – Jesse Jackson
  • “Seek to do good, and you will find that happiness will run after you.” – James Freeman Clarke
  • “Being a man or a woman is a matter of birth. Being a man or a woman who makes a difference is a matter of choice.” – Byron Garrett
  • “Set your heart on doing good. Do it over and over again, and you will be filled with joy.” – Buddha
  • “What do we live for if not to make the world less difficult for each other.” – George Eliot

 

By helping others we can make this world a better place. We hope these helping others quotes will inspire you to cooperate and helping others… We hope that you will like it and Don’t forget to share them on social media.

Here is Another Post On Mark Zuckerberg Quotes

Continue Reading

Trending