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1100+ Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life And Love

Funny Quotes

An especially cute funny quotes, love and life quotes collection adding funny quotes you can send to your boyfriend or girlfriend, and funny quotes about love, life, and relationships too.

To be with a person you idolize the most already brings a smile to your face. However, the funny and charming occasion you share will make you fancy each other’s existence even more.

These quotes cover a wide collection of topics from fun love and life. Cute quotes can be uplifting and funny and deliver optimism to a tough day. We expectation these quotes to make you laugh and bring you help to each other now more than constantly!

Here are 1100+ Cute Funny Quotes And Sayings below:

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – John F. Kennedy

funny quotes on friends

“I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.” — Cassandra Duffy

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

funny quotes on life

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” —Zig  Ziglar

“All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover

funny quotes on exams

“Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.” – Unknown

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” – Groucho Marx

funny quotes on marriage

“America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.” – Unknown

“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” – John Barrymore

funny quotes about money

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain

funny quotes about myself

“I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.” – Unknown

“Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck

funny quotes about children

“Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serving you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” – Helen Rowland

“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?” – Cynthia Heimel

funny quotes on love

“That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin

“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” – Charles de Gaulle

funny quotes on laughter

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea

funny quotes about gym

“If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?” – Jerry Seinfeld

“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers

“I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.” – Gena Showalter

“Don’t gobble funk around with words.” – Roald Dahl

“A penny saved is a penny earned.” – Benjamin Franklin

“The funniest people are the saddest ones.” – Confucius

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – George Carlin

“If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

“A word to the wise isn’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.” – Bill Cosby

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain

“She’s strong! And scary…I bet she’s single…I’d put money on it.” – Masashi Kishimoto

“Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.” – James Thurber

“Puns are the highest form of literature.” – Alfred Hitchcock

“I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.” – J. Paul Getty

“Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!” – Hergé

“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” – Harlan Ellison

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” ― George Carlin

“Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.” ― Golda Meir

“I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.” ― Lauren Myracle

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. he won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president. now I’m beginning to believe it.” — Clarence Darrow

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”  – Oscar Wilde

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob hope

“They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Unknown

“A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world…oh sorry that’s wine…. wine does that.” – Unknown

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” — Chris Rock

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” — Joe Girard

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright

“Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” — Unknown

“Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” — Jeffrey Gitomer

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama

“Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler

“A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles Schulz

“Think like a proton. Always positive.” — Unknown

“Be happy – it drives people crazy.” — Unknown

“Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” — Robert Brault[/pullquote]

“The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand.

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams

“If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers

“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want to be done because he wants to do it.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower

“Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” — Jason Love

“Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” — Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” — Franklin P. Jones

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand.

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Eddison

“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says “I’m possible!” — Audrey Hepburn

“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get a warm feeling that it brings.” — Robert Bloch

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” —Marilyn Monroe

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” — Terry Pratchett

“Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” — Billie Burke

“When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” — Unknown

“A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” — Justin Sewell

“Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.” — Unknown

“It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” — Ashleigh Brilliant

“If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space?” — Unknown

“The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” — Unknown

“Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else.” — Unknown

Funny Quotes For WhatsApp Status

  • Take care of your status, don’t be a caretaker of my status.
  • I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.
  • Be Warned: I’M Bored. This Could Get Dangerous.
  • It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
  • I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.
  • Never laugh at your partner’s choices… You’re one of them.
  • I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
  • Attitude is like underwear. Don’t show it just wore it.
  • Excuse me, but I saw you from across the internet and wanted to see if your bytes are compatible with mine.
  • This Dog, Is Dog, A Dog, Good Dog, Way Dog, To Dog, Keep Dog, An Dog, Idiot Dog, Busy Dog, For Dog, 30 Dog, Seconds Dog!… Now read without the word dog.
  • I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
  • Improve your performance by improving your attitude.
  • I love my job only when I’m on vacation…..
  • Life taught me a lot of lessons, but I bunked those classes too
  • If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
  • I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
  • I’ll Be Back In 5 Minutes But If I’M Not Just Read This Message Again.
  • I had to take a sick day. I’m sick of those people.
  • Sorry, I can’t go to work tomorrow, I fractured my motivation.
  • They say good things take time… that’s why I’m always late.
  • Remember If We Get Caught, You Are Deaf And I Don’t Speak English.
  • I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true.
  • No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
  • Think about it… every time we look back at ourselves five years ago we think we were an idiot.
  • Be yourself, who else is better qualified?
  • I made a huge to do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
  • People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.
  • Never steal. The government hates competition.
  • I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle! He’s dreaming too.
  • Dyslexics are people too.
  • If You Say You’Re Cooler Than Me….Does That Make Me Hotter Than You?
  • I used to like my neighbors until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
  • It’s not that I hate anyone; it’s just that I do not like people.
  • Do not drink and park accidents cause people.
  • I don’t get older, I level up.
  • Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be on your Internet. Sincerely, The Library.
  • The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • I have feelings too. I am still human.
  • During The Day, I Don’t Believe In Ghosts. Ar Night I’M Little More Open-Minded.
  • If People Are Talking About You Behind Your Back, Then Just Fart.
  • Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
  • Keep moving! Nothing new to read…
  • I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
  • If the brain is dominant, why doesn’t everyone use it?
  • If I’m vinegar, then you must be baking soda. Because you make me feel all bubbly inside!
  • I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
  • If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
  • I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist. I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos.
  • You seem to be on your own path. Unfortunately, there’s a “socio” in front of it.
  • Stop checking my last seen, text me when you miss me.
  • Choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.
  • I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
  • I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.
  • That Moment When You Miss One Step On The Stairs & You Think You’Re About To Die.
  • My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.
  • Save water drink beer.
  • Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday.
  • Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.
  • The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once!
  • I Don’T Always Get Asked Out On A Date. But When I Do….It’S On April 1St.
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation.
  • You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
  • I’m really not cranky. I just have a violent reaction when I meet stupid people.
  • I’m not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.
  • Marriage Lets You Annoy One Special Person For The Rest Of Your Life.
  • I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job on the road crew, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
  • I’M Going To Stand Outside. So If Anyone Asks, I Am Outstanding.
  • My Goal This Weekend Is To Move Only Enough So People Know I’M Not Dead.
  • Why God, why? Why beautiful girls don’t have brains!
  • If you don’t succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
  • Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.
  • If Stress Burned Calories, I’D Be A Supermodel.
  • I Will Slap You So Hard That Even Google Won’T Able To Find You.
  • My boss told me to have a good day… So, I went home.
  • Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.
  • I”M Going To Bed Really Means I’M Going To Lie In Bed And Go On My Phone.
  • Cell Phones These Days Keep Getting Thinner & Smarter. People The Opposite.
  • I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
  • I am multi-talented, I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
  • My prince is not coming on a white horse… He’s obviously riding a turtle and definitely lost.
  • I Don’T Need A Hair Stylist, My Pillow Gives Me A New Hairstyle Every Morning.
  • Not always ‘Available’… Try your Luck.
  • I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.
  • Marriage is subject to market risk.
  • Dear Karma, I Have A List Of People You Missed.
  • Don’T Think Of Yourself As An Ugly Person. Think Of Yourself As A Beautiful Monkey.
  • Don’t worry about what I’m doing, worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
  • They say “Love is in the air.” Maybe that’s why there is so much air pollution these days.
  • I don’t have an attitude problem. I have an attitude. The problem is yours.
  • Babe, you are so fine. The only way you could look better is by hanging on my arm.
  • Sometimes You Just Want To Throw Fertilizer At People So They Grow Up.
  • Me? Mature? I still laugh when the ketchup bottle “FARTS”.
  • I wish my book of life were written in pencil. There are a few pages I would like to erase.
  • Fact: Phone on silent mode- 10 Missed calls… Turns volume too loud- Nobody calls all day!
  • I’m writing a paper for my Ph.D., now please tell me what is the most overused pick-up line you have ever heard?
  • I wish I could mute people in real life.
  • Life is like ice cream, enjoy it before it melts.
  • I Am Currently Experiencing Life At The Rate Of 15 Wtf’S Every hour.
  • I really should do something with my life… maybe tomorrow.
  • I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.
  • You can either take me as I am or watch me as I leave.
  • I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.
  • If I were a stoplight, I’d turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.
  • Silent people have the loudest minds.
  • I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.
  • The Word “ Studying ” Was Made Up Of Two Words Originally “ Students Dying.”
  • What is your mom’s phone number? I want to thank her for creating you.
  • Dear God, there is a bug in your software. It’s called Monday; please fix it.
  • True friendship: Walking into a person’s house and having your Wi-Fi connect automatically.
  • Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!
  • I Will Do Anything Humanly Possible To Reach The Remote Without Getting Up.
  • I Wasn’T Mad. But Now That You Asked Me 7 Times If I’m Mad…Yes, I’M Mad !
  • I’M Super Lazy Today !! Which Is Like Normal Lazy, But I’M Also Wearing A Cape.
  • Different from everyone!
  • I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.
  • Dear, I Know We Had Problems When I Was Younger….But I Love You Now.
  • Never give up on your dreams keep sleeping.
  • I do what I must, and my friends will adjust!
  • Busy at this moment…free forever.
  • All My Life I Thought Air Was Free….Until I Bought A Bag Of Chips.
  • I love my Haters, they make me Famous.
  • I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
  • I Smile Because You’Re My Family. I Laugh Because There’S Nothing You Can Do About It.
  • I Wish I Lived In A World Wher Mosquitoes Would Such Fat Instead Of Blood.
  • The police called to say one of my friends escaped from a mental hospital. Which one of you crazies got out and where should I pick you up?
  • Who needs television when there is so much drama on Whatsapp?
  • If Each Day Is A Gift, I Would Like To Know Where I Can Return Mondays.
  • I’m fresh, but global warming made me very hot.
  • The only time SUCCESS comes before WORK is in Dictionary.
  • My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
  • When I Was A Kid I Used To Think The Moon Followed Our Car Everywhere.
  • Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You’re one of them.
  • My Room Is Not Messy, It Is An Obstacle Course Designed To Keep Me Fit.
  • Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately, she is a mother and we should respect her!
  • The only thing I gained so far this year is weight!
  • Life Is Short. Smile While You Still Have Teeth.
  • Be nice to nerds, they will be your boss one day.
  • Light travels faster than sound. That’s why people appear bright until they speak.
  • Save paper, Don’t do homework.
  • Am I Only The One Who Calculates How Much Sleep I Can Get Before Going To Bed?
  • Sleeping Is My Drug. My Bed Is My Dealer & My Alarm Clock Is The Police.
  • I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
  • I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
  • I am a slow walker, but I never walk back.
  • Life is like ice cream, enjoy it before it melts.
  • Every Whatsapp status is a secret message for someone.
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  • God Made Every Person Differently. He Got Tired By The Time He Got To China.
  • “3 words more beautiful for a married woman than I LOVE YOU: No Cooking Today”
  • People said to follow your dreams so I went back to bed.
  • Don’t Make Me Laugh. I’M Trying To Be Mad At You.
  • Looks like I over-estimated the number of your brain cells.
  • I’m not lazy, I prefer the term “selective participation.”
  • I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.
  • Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  • I want someone to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
  • I didn’t fall. It was just that the floor needed some cleaning.
  • Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn’t done yet.
  • Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
  • Exercise? I Thought You Said Extra Fries!
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I am blaming you.
  • I Can’T Taste My Lips. Could You Do It For Me?
  • I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.
  • I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  • My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.
  • It’s not that I don’t want to go to work. I’m just allergic to crushing defeat.
  • We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
  • Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.
  • I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  • Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.
  • Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
  • Just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
  • I’m too lazy to stop being lazy.

Short Funny Quotes

“I’m not arguing, I’m just telling you why you’re wrong.”

“Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!” ― Groucho Marx

“I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow.”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” ― Steven Wright

“Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.”

“I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it”

“A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.” ― Burt Bacharach

“Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.” ― Otto von Bismarck

“I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.”

“All generalizations are false.” ― Mark Twain

“Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.” ― Oscar Wilde

“I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash.”

“Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.” ― Steven Woody Allen

“Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.” ― Jim Davis

“Life is a sexually transmitted disease.” ― R. D. Laing

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

“Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.”

“Why was six scared of seven? Because seven “ate” nine.”

“Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.”

“Papercut: A tree’s final moment of revenge.”

“Follow your dreams, except for the one where you’re naked in church.” ― Rev. David Ault

“If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?”

“Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.” ― Desmond Morris

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.” ― Franklin P. Jones

“My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.”

“A day without sunshine is like, night.” ― Steve Martin

“Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck.”

“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.” ― Rita Rudner

“Never test the depth of the water with both feet.” ― African Proverb

“Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.” ― Margaret Culkin Banning

“Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.”

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” ― Groucho Marx

“No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store.”

“Leave something for someone but don’t leave someone for something.” ― Enid Blyton

“Silence is golden unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.”

“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.” ― Ann Landers

“A two-year-old is kind of like a blender, but you don’t have any top for it.” ―  Jerry Seinfeld

“Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.” ― Jessica Simpson

“My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.”

“Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you.”

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” ― Jim Carrey

“On the other hand, you have different fingers.” ― Steven Wright

“Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.”

“Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.” ― Finley Peter Dunne

“You’re only as good as your last haircut.” ― Fran Lebowitz

“Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.” ― Peyton Johnston

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.” ― Joan Rivers

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”

“When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” ― Gracie Allen

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” ― Zsa Zsa Gabor

“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.” ― Anonymous

“Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.”

“Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.”

“My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.”

“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.” ― Bill Maher

“When nothing is going right, go left.”

“Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.” ― Anonymous

“If  I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.” ― Hillary Clinton

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

“Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.” ― Woody Allen

“Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.”

“I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.” ― Jack Benny

“Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day.”

“I’m not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?” ― Anonymous

“I can’t be out of money, I still have checks left.” ― George Clark

“Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.”

“If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.”

“Money talks… but all mine ever says is goodbye!” ― Anonymous

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” ― Phyllis Diller

“Marriage…it’s not a word, it’s a sentence.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” ― Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“My windows aren’t dirty, my dog is painting.”

“Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.”

“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” ― Abe Lemons

“I love my job only when I’m on vacation.”

“He’s not dead, he’s electroencephalographically challenged.” ― Anonymous

“When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. It has nothing new to tell you.”

“Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.” ― Woody Allen

“Death is hereditary.” ― Jill Shalvis

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” ― Robert Frost

“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” ― Prince Philip

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.”― Groucho Marx

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” ― Redd Foxx

“If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need.”

―  Rodney Dangerfield

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” ― Mark Twain

“High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” ― Christopher Morley

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” ― Groucho Marx

“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”

“I know that I am intelligent because I know that I know nothing. – Socrates

  • “I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.”― Carol Leifer
  • “I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon.”
  • “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
  • “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” ― Oscar Wilde
  • “Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.” ― Kathy Lette
  • “Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them.”
  • “It’s alright if you don’t agree with me, I can’t force you to be right.”
  • “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.” ― George Bernard Shaw
  • “My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.”
  • “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” ― Steve Martin
  • “You wanna know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.”
  • “Man has his will, but a woman has her way.” ― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr
  • “A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s; She changes it more often.” ― Oliver Herford
  • “I’m in shape … round’s a shape, isn’t it?” ― Anonymous
  • “Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.” ― Franklin Jones
  • “Fish and visitors stink after three days.” ― Ben Franklin
  • “I ain’t sleeping. I’m just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.” ― Jonathan Raban
  • “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” ― George Carlin
  • “If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.”
  • “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” ― Woody Allen
  • “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” ― Joan Rivers
  • “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.” ― Natalie Wood
  • “He who laughs last didn’t get it.” ― Helen Giangregorio
  • “Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.” ― Anonymous

Funny Quotes On Life

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” – Mark Twain

“Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.” – William Goldman

“Life is not a fairy tale. You lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.”

“Life is like a roller coaster pic – scary at the moment, funny looking back.”

“Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.” – Laurell K. Hamilton

“Life is like trying a Pinterest recipe – it won’t kill you just for missing one step.”

“Life will be boring AF if you never mess up.”

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” – Winston S Churchill[/pullquote]

“Fear is the second toughest bitch in life. Do you know who comes first? You.”

“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get. “ – Forrest Gump

“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road’ll take you there” – George Harrison

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” – Isaac Asimov

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone. “ – Reba McEntire

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” – Robert Frost

“I wish I were a little kid so I can just take a nap and everyone will be proud of me.”

“Life is like going to a party – dance even when you don’t feel like it.”

“Life is like an elevator – Sometimes it stops. But it’ll move up again.”

“If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember.” – Terry Pratchett

“Books say: She did this because. Life says: She did this. Books are where things are explained to you; life is where things aren’t. I’m not surprised some people prefer books.” – Julian Barnes

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.

“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.” – J.M. Barrie

“To be old and wise, you need to first be young and stupid.”

“Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.” – Robert Benchley

“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” – William Goldman

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein

“I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” – Charles Bukowski

“Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans.” – Raheel Farooq

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.” – Oliver Herford

“Do not take life too seriously. You never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” – Stephen Hawking

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein

“Life is like looking for your phone. Most of the time, it’s in your hand.”

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” – Terry Pratchett

“Life is like ice cream. Enjoy it before it melts.”

  • “If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction – and ultimately, without a major resolution.” – Jasper Fforde
  • “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres
  • “Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You’d have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking: Well, at least I’m not dead.” – Tom Stoppard
  • “Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.” – Allen Saunders
  • “It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.” – Terry Pratchett
  • “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” – Winston S Churchill
  • “Life is like experiments. The more you try, the better you become.”
  • “I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here.” – Arthur C. Clarke
  • “I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.” – Dave Barry
  • “Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.” – Jack Handey
  • “Reality continues to ruin my life.” – Bill Watterson
  • “When something goes wrong in your life, just say ‘PLOT TWIST’ and move on.”
  • “Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride. “ -Gary Allan
  • “Life is like the smiley face emoji. You never know what it really means.”
  • “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carey
  • “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” – Woody Allen
  • “What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
  • “I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

Funny Quotes About Self

“You want to change your life? Change the way you think.” —  Unknown

“One thing that’s emptier than my wallet is my heart.”

“My clear conscience is just a sign of bad memory.”

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” ― Oscar Wilde

“If the government can shut down, then why can’t I?”

“There’s no law that says you have to be dissatisfied or disappointed with who you are.”

“I have a good heart, but I really should fix this mouth of mine.”

“Pokemon? It’s funny that I’m trying to catch them all, yet I can’t even find myself.”

“I find it amusing when people try to insult me. They have no idea that I roast myself on a daily basis.”

“I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it.” ― Mary Wortley Montagu

“I am a queen because I know how to govern myself.” ― Lailah Gifty Akita

“Yes I am weird, weird is good. Normal is overrated.” ― Mad-D

“I chuckle whenever people try to figure what’s going on in my head. Like, good luck, I can’t even figure myself out.”

“I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted. I am only very, very curious.” ― Albert Einstein

“As a girl, I am this stupid, emotional, very loyal, sort of believe-in-values-and-principals sort of girl.” ― Priyanka Chopra

“Like a garbage phoenix, I will rise from the dumps.”

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” —  Roger Staubach

“Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It’s sanity.” – Andre Gide

“Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.” —  Tina Fey

“How to look good while crying?”

“I’m human garbage. At the very least, please dispose of me properly.”

“The bags under my eyes are Prada.” —  Unknown

“The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” —  George Carlin

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ― A. A. Milne, Winnie The Pooh

“I can resist anything except temptation.” ― Oscar Wilde

“What would have happened if you exterminated the ugliest guy and the dumbest guy in the world yesterday? Right, this post wouldn’t exist.”

“I used to be indecisive. Now, I don’t think I’m quite sure anymore.”

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” — RuPaul Charles

“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.” ― Oscar Wilde

“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” —  Robert Bloch

“Not to brag, but I haven’t had a mood swing in, like, 7 minutes.”

“I actually have friends despite myself.”

“winks at my reflection in the mirror–reflection walks away*.”

“I am my own heroine.” ― Marie Bashkirtseff

“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” —  Barney Stinson

“I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination.” ― Albert Einstein

“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” —  Unknown

“People say that I’m creative and I couldn’t agree more because I create most of my own problems.”

“In a society that profits from your self-doubt, loving yourself is a rebellious act.” —  Unknown

“Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.” —  A. A. Milne

“They told me that I can become anything if I willed it. So, I became a disappointment.”

Funny Quotes About Friends

“I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.” -Unknown

“Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.” -Unknown

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” -Marlene Dietrich

“Friendship is not possible between two women, one of whom is very well dressed.” -Laurie Colwin

“I don’t need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets. I have my friends for that.” -Unknown

“I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.” -Unknown

“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.” -Unknown

“You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself, he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” -Laurence J. Peter

“Knowledge cannot replace friendship. I’d rather be an idiot than lose you.” -Patrick to Spongebob

“Whoever says Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!” -Bronwyn Polson

“Men kick friendship around like a football, and it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass, and it falls to pieces.” – Anne Lindbergh

“Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.” -Oscar Wilde

“Good friends will mourn your death; best friends will come and clean your computer history immediately after you die.”

“This is by far your worst idea ever…I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” -Unknown

“Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel a warm feeling inside.” -Unknown

“Friendship means understanding, not agreement. It means forgiveness, not forgetting. It means the memories last, even if contact is lost.”

“The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money.” -Mark Twain

“A true friend stabs you in the front.” – Oscar Wilde

“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”

“Best friends know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.” -Unknown

“Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental hospital.” -Unknown

“Best friends loan out DVDs knowing that they’ll never be seen again.”

“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.” -Clifton Fadiman

“Best friend: the one that you can be mad at only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them.”

“Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.”

“I love you more than food, okay maybe not food but I still love you.”

“A good friend can finish your sentences… a best friend will do the same, but make it sound 10 times dirtier.”

“I’ve always said that in politics, your enemies can’t hurt you, but your friends will kill you.” -Ann Richards

“I don’t need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.”

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. -Oprah Winfrey

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, Damn, that was fun.” -Groucho Marx

“Friendship is, chatting and wasting time when we have an exam the next day.” “You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public but people still love us!

“We’ll be friends forever because you already know too much.”

“When your best friends say you can have a bite of their food, you take the biggest bite humanly possible.”

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” -Bernard Meltzer

“If you hurt my best friend, I can make your death look like an accident.”

“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.” -Sicilian Proverb

“We are keenly aware of the faults of our friends, but if they like us enough it doesn’t matter.” – Mignon McLaughlin

  • “There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate. ” -Linda Grayson
  • “A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” -Erma Bombeck
  • “We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile… Then we’ll be new friends.”
  • “Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.” -Virginia Woolf
  • This the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.” -Charles Lamb
  • “Best Friends. They know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.” -Unknown
  • “If you need to sober up, ditch your best friends.”
  • “A true friend is the one that stays no matter what happens even if we betray each other, and that is you.”
  • “Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with.” -Robert Brault
  • “A good friend will help you move. But best friend will help you move a dead body.” -Jim Hayes
  • “We’ve been friends for so long I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.” -Unknown
  • “You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” -Laurence J. Peter
  • “Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.” -Unknown
  • “The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”
  • “The antidote of fifty enemies is one friend.” — Aristotle
  • “Sometimes I think, ‘What is a friend?’ Then I say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’ -Cookie Monster
  • “Do you think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.”
  • “There is nothing better than a friend …unless it’s a friend with chocolate.”
  • “Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.”
  • “Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.” -Unknown
  • “Real friendship is when your friend comes over to your house and then you both just take a nap.”
  • Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.” -Greg Tamblyn
  • “If I have to clean my house before you come over, then we’re not real friends.”
  • “Friends will tell you if your face is dirty. Best friends will make it dirtier.”
  • “I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn friends – they’re the ones that keep me walking the floor nights!” -Warren G. Harding

Funny Quotes About Marriage

“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.'” — Anonymous

“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller

“I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” —Cameron Esposito

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher.” —Socrates

“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” — Winston Churchill, former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom

“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama

“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” —Megan Mullally

“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”—Agatha Christie

“Marriage a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” — Ogden Nash, American poet

“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash

“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” —Isadora Duncan

“Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond.’ Only it doesn’t last 22. It lasts forever.” —Pete in Knocked Up

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” — Albert Einstein, German physicist

“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.” —Elbert Hubbard

“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” —Rita Rudner

“Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.” — Clint Eastwood, American actor

“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn

“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” ― Helen Rowland, American journalist

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck, American comedian

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner, American comedian

“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” — Rodney Dangerfield, American comedian

“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.” —Stephanie Ortiz

“Did you know that the institution of marriage was created when the average person lived to the age of 30?” — Kim in The Last Kiss

“For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” —Catherine Zeta-Jones

“Because I always say, if you’re married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you’re doing really good!” —Michelle Obama

“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” —Joyce Brothers

“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor

“Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash.” — Dr. Joyce Brothers, American psychologist

“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland

“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr

“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterward.” —Benjamin Franklin

“Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you.” —Chip Gaines

“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” —Raymond Hull

“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness–and call it love–true love.” — Robert Fulgham, American author

“The first draft of my vows, which I wrote the day after we got engaged, clocked in at around 70 pages.” – Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” —Ogden Nash

“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.” —Neil Simon

“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” — Jerry Seinfeld, American comedian

“Everyone is born equal in life until they get married.” — Anonymous

“People say, ‘Jeez, it must be hard to stay married in show business.’ I think it’s hard to stay married anywhere, but if you marry the right person, it might work out.” —Tom Hanks

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”—Socrates

“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” —Sam Levenson

“I’m just a diaper-changing facility hooked up to a life-support system, but my wife, she’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She’s a human Denny’s all day long … and it never ends for her. She’s the most beautiful Denny’s you’ve ever seen though, I guarantee it.” —Ryan Reynolds

“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?” —Michelle Obama

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx

“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” — Andre Maurois, French writer

“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash

“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard

“I don’t want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad, and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat.” ―Mindy Kaling

“Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature.” —Donatella in Letters to Juliet

“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr

  • “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.” —Eddie Cantor
  • “Make sure you have date night even if it’s once in a blue moon because most of the time you’re just too tired and you’d actually prefer to sleep.” —Chris Hemsworth
  • “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
  • “A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.” —Dax Shepard
  • “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” — Catherine Zeta-Jones, American actress
  • “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterward.”—Benjamin Franklin
  • “You go, ‘You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me feel loved, you make me food.'” —Nikki Glaser recalling Amy Schumer’s wedding vows
  • “We have a couple of rules in our relationship. The first rule is that I make her feel like she’s getting everything. The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. And, so far, it’s working.” —Justin Timberlake
  • “I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”—Cameron Esposito
  • “Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
  • “She’s your lobster. Come on, you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws.” —Phoebe Buffay in Friends
  • “Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up, she’s there. You come back from work, she’s there. You fall asleep, she’s there. You eat dinner, she’s there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing, but it’s not.” —Rayon Everybody Loves Raymond
  • “Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
  • “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
  • “Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
  • “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash, American poet
  • “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
  • “Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?” – Janet Pariet, American writer
  • “Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?” — Dennis Miller, American TV personality
  • “You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!” —Bill Maher
  • “Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass.” —Mac MacGuff in Juno
  • “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” — Groucho Marx, American comedian, and actor
  • “Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.” —Beverley Nichols

Funny Quotes About Cousins

“At Christmas, Cousins are the presents under the tree.”

“A cousin is a childhood playmate who grows up to be a forever friend.”

“It’s not what we have, but who we have in life that matters.” — Unknown

“Cousins by chance, friends by choice.” — Unknown

“Be jealous….I have the best cousins!” -unknown

“A grandparent’s house is where cousins become best friends.”

“This is your official welcome to the crazy cousin crew!” -unknown

“The love of a family is life’s greatest blessing.”

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” – Desmond Tutu

“My cousins are way better than yours…and would totally drink yours under the table.” -unknown

“Cousins by blood. Sisters by heart. Friends by choice.” — Unknown

“A cousin a day keeps the boredom away.”

“Don’t tell the others, but you are definitely the coolest cousin.” -unknown

“I may not always be there with you, but I will always be there for you.” — Unknown

“Cousins: we may not have it all together, but together we have it all.” -unknown

“Happy National Best Cousin Day! What’d you get me?” -unknown

“Cousins? Nah, we’re best friends.” — Unknown

“Cousins are connected heart to heart, distance and time can’t break them apart.”

“A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” — Unknown

“Nobody will understand the craziness of your family better than your cousins.”

“In my cousin, I find a second self.”

“I’m that cousin that nobody wants to claim…and I’m your cousin!” -unknown

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.” – Anthony Brandt

“Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.”

“Cousin by blood, friends by choice.” – Darlene Shaw

“A cousin a day keeps the boredom away.” -unknown

“Keep the ones who heard you when you never said a word.” — Unknown

“I smile because you’re my family. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold cousins together.” – Woodrow Wilson

“Born as a cousin, made as a friend.” – Byron Pulsifer

“God made us cousins because he knew our mothers couldn’t handle us as siblings.” -unknown

“People find it difficult to live without their love but in my life that space is occupied by my cousin.”

“Cousins are people that are ready made friends.” – Courtney Cox

“Cousins: A little bit crazy, a little bit loud and a whole lotta love.” -unknown

“Cousins are friends that will love you forever.” — Unknown

“Win, lose or draw, you’re all my cousins and I love you.”

“We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.”

“Cousins are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.”

“In my cousin, I find a second self.” – Isabel Norton

“Time passes and we may be apart, but cousins always stay close at heart.”

“Cousins are like fudge…mostly sweet with a few nuts.” -unknown

“Treasure your cousins, they were your first friends and will love you forever.”

“Family: a little bit of crazy, a little bit of loud, and a whole lot of love.” — Unknown

“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” – Michael J. Fox

“Cousins? Nah, we’re best friends.” -unknown

“Cousins: Obnoxious when we’re together, yet we don’t even care!” -unknown

“Cousins are awesome! Well, mine are…I can’t speak for yours.” -unknown

“Cousins are not those we do not know but instead part of a family that also provide support and comfort.”

“Cousins, because parents couldn’t handle us as sisters.”

  • “Surround yourself with people who get you.” — Unknown
  • “Everyone has that one really strange cousin. If you don’t know who that is…it’s probably you!” -unknown
  • “A cousin is a ready-made friend for life.”
  • “Never underestimate the power of a cousin. — Unknown
  • “A cousin is someone who knows everything about you, and still likes you anyway.” -unknown
  • “Ain’t nobody crazier than your cousins on your mama’s side!” -unknown
  • “My cousins are shareholders of my soul.” – Saswat Padh
  • “The love between cousins knows no distance.”
  • “God made us cousins because He knew our mothers could not handle us as siblings.”
  • “Being my cousin is really the only gift you need.” -unknown
  • “You will be jealous as I have the best cousin.”
  • “Happiness is having crazy cousins.” -unknown
  • “No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.” — Unknown
  • “Cousins are friends that will love you forever.” – Constance Richards
  • “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” – Richard Bach
  • “Cousins, because parents couldn’t handle us as sisters.”— Unknown
  • “I smile because you’re my cousin. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.” -unknown
  • “Never forget who was with you from the start.” – Ziad K. Abdelnour
  • “Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the cousins together.”
  • “A cousin is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.” – Marion C. Garretty
  • “Your family is the best team you could ever have.” — Unknown
  • “Cousins: your favorite partners in crime.” -unknown
  • “Remember, as far as anyone knows, we are a nice normal family.” -unknown
  • “Cousins are childhood playmates who grow up to be forever friends.” — Unknown

Funny Quotes About Husband

“A man who is right by your side through everything makes you happy. But he can leave your side to make dinner once in a while!”

“Hey Vegetarians, my food shits on your food.” – Unknown

“I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.” – Author: Steven Wright

“My husband and I married for better or worse!! He couldn’t have done better and I couldn’t have done worse!”

“Only a widow can say exactly where her husband is.”

“I got baby food in my coffee maker.” -Rob Dyrdek

“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” – Cindy Gardner

“I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for? ”  – Author: Stephanie Lennox

“Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.”  -Woody Allen

“A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted.”

“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.”

“You don’t want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet.” – Author: Pamela Anderson

“Marriage is just fancy a word to adopt an overgrown male child who is no longer handled by his parents.”

“A husband is someone who after taking the trash out gives the impression he’s cleaned the whole house!”

“Oh, Mel, don’t worry. I’ve been hunting with your husband – the deer are completely safe.” – Author: Robyn Carr

“He’s the funniest, smartest person I know. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t bug me and I’m sure I bug him sometimes.” – Author: Sarah Jessica Parker

“In our marriage, everything is 50/50. I cook, he eats. I wash, he wears. I shop, he pays!”

“I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.”- Author: Joan Rivers

“There are two sides in a marriage, one who is always right and the other is called.. the husband”

“Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, “Are we going to have sex again?” He said, “Yes, but not with each other.” – Author: Rita Rudner

“I don’t have a desire to do reality. Because my truth is not what people are responding to. My truth is funny; I laugh with my husband every day.” – Author: Niecy Nash

“Mosquitos remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think.” -Tom Wilson

“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” -Michel De Montaigne

“Marriage is a workshop – where the husband works & the wife shops.”

“A clever wife often sleeps with a stupid husband.”

“Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!”

“I like food and sleep. So if I give you my food, or text you late at night, you are special to me.”

“Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!”

“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”

  • “A good wife comes from God and a good husband comes from the bank.” -Evans Amecha
  • “There are always jobs I have to learn because all good Italian girls know how to do them and one day I’ll need them to look after my chauvinistic husband.” – Author: Melina Marchetta
  • “One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip”
  • “My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.”
  • “Marriage is a matter of giving and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give.”
  • “The most romantic thing you can ever do for me buys me food.” Food is the most important meal of the day.” -Nikhil Saluja
  • “My husband was very special and very funny and outspoken, and he would have a black and blue every so often because, under the table, I’d say, ‘Don’t say that!” – Author: Blythe Danner
  • “My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.”
  • “The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.” – Author: Johnny Carson
  • “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.”
  • “A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
  • “Lucian. She’s not normal. She’s got the sex drive of Ursula. I’m so ashamed to say I’ve faked illnesses and gone to the doctor just to have a doctor’s excuse!” ~Steve~ – Author: Lucian Bane
  • “They say love is blind.. and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.”
  • “I like guys who are honest and funny. Looks come and go; I want to be 65 years old and laughing with my husband.” – Author: Jessica Lowndes
  • “The food channel is basically just po.. for your stomach.” -Unknown
  • “My husband says I feed him like he’s a god: every meal is a burnt offering.”
  • “My husband wears the pants in my house.. The ones I pick”
  • “It’s funny that until I actually met my husband, I never thought I’d get married.” – Author: Regina King
  • “I mean, I don’t want to pass judgment – I just wish my husband didn’t shoot deer.”
  • “The only man you will ever get is some fool named Grady who falls asleep in his soup.” – Author: Will Smith

Funny Quotes About Brother

“I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.” – Maya Angelou

“Half the time when brothers wrestle, it’s just an excuse to hug each other.” – James Patterson

“I am smiling because you are my brother. I am laughing because there is nothing you can do about.” – Unknown

“Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.” – Marc Brown

“Half the time when brothers wrestle, it’s just an excuse to hug each other.” – James Patterson

“A friend is a brother who was once a bother.” – Unknown

“A great brother deserves nothing but the best, today and always.” – unknown

“A brother is like a shoplifter who is always taking your stuff. But on the flip side, he is the only one who can pick stuff for you, as well.”

“A brother is a protector, and a nemesis all rolled into one package.”

“Since I was born before you, I will always have the bragging rights to say that you will forever remain my cute little brother.”

“A brother will always be a partner in crime until you get caught. In that case, he did it!”

“Our kids have learned from the experience of brothers and sisters that they can’t always be first.” – Melissa Dayton, Crushed

“He might have a big mouth, but he’s still my little brother. ” – Unknown

“Half the time when brothers wrestle, it’s just an excuse to hug each other.” – James Patterson

“My elder brother won’t die, and my younger brothers seem never to do anything else.” – Oscar Wilde

“May God bless every day of your life with a ray of sun, a touch of hope, a glint of joy & a drop of love.” – unknown

“My brother is a dream catcher. Because out of all the many useless dreams I had, he has caught the right ones and helped me achieve them.”

“Brothers that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.” – Lemony Snicket

“Brothers do not hit each other, they just high-five each other.”

“Whenever I see you brother, I see a reflection of me. It is almost like our parents clicked copy and paste.”

“Many say me and my brother look alike. If it is a compliment, then he looks like me, and when it is not, I look like him.”

“You are the locker for all my secrets. My bodyguard against problems. My power bank of energy, and the protector of my smile. You are my favorite person forever, dear brother.”

“Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.” – Marc Brown

“Wrestling one another is often brothers’ excuse to hug one another.”

“Little brothers are like bop bags, you hit ’em and they keep bouncing back for more. ” – Unknown

“They say “older is wiser,” but I’ve yet to see you demonstrate that as a fact! ” – Unknown

“Bigger isn’t always better, take big brothers for example. ” – Unknown

“You and I are brothers. If you fall, I will pick you up as soon as I finish laughing!”

“Half the time when brothers wrestle, it’s just an excuse to hug each other.” – James Patterson

“Dear bro, please remember that I will never let you do anything stupid alone!”

“The funniest moment of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose.”

“My elder brother won’t die, and my younger brothers seem never to do anything else.” – Oscar Wilde

“Brothers are nature’s way of providing insurance. Did you do something wrong? It is brother to the rescue!”

“I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.” – Maya Angelou

“Dear brother, I want you to know that you are my favorite person in this whole wide world, in this solar system, in this galaxy, and in the entire Milky Way.”

“While you may be the younger brother in the family, being the first-born statistically means that I’m the favorite. Hope that knowledge brings you joy on your special day!” – unknown

“I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.” – Maya Angelou

“The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose.” – Garrison

“One thing I can always look forward to in life is that even when I’m old, my big brother will still be older! ” – Unknown

“I know many troublemakers, but you will always be my favorite one, dear brother.”

“You are like crazy glue bro because no matter what mess I create, you are always there to fix the broken pieces.”

“A friend is a brother who was once a bother.” – Unknown

“Brothers are children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.” – Sam Levenson

“I’d like to take the time out of my busy day to wish you the very best, little brother. Oh, who am I kidding- I have plenty of time to harass you! Have a splendid day!” – unknown

“There is a little boy inside the man who is my brother.” – Anna Quindlen

“Brothers are like fat thighs..they stick together.” – Unknown

“You are normal one moment, and the next moment you are running around like a frenzy – that is the power of a brother.”

“Brothers are like fat thighs..they stick together.” – Unknown

“There’s no buddy like a brother.” – Author Unknown

“One can learn so many great lessons in life by watching their big brother make mistakes. Your big brother always remains a teacher.”

“The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose.” – Garrison

“The only thing big about my big brother is his ego! ” – Unknown

“My big brother is not perfect. But I still love him.”

“When you are a little kid, you look forward to getting bigger. Too bad, little brothers are stuck in that role forever!”

“I think I’m funny because my family, my siblings were funny.” – Martin Short

“If I could rephrase the dictionary, then the word brother would mean – that annoying best friend who gets on your nerves, but without whom life would be boring and miserable.”

“I may have forgotten a present, but I didn’t forget to say happy birthday to you! You’re the best little brother anyone could ever have!” – unknown

“Love between brothers is loud, rough, sweet, messy, fierce, fun, and unique forever.”

“I smile because you are my brother. I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it! Lots of love, bro.”

“Brother may it inspire you to know when I need a daily boost I remember the days of yesterday and the laughter we had as children.” – Robert Rivers

“I don’t call you a little brother because you’re younger, I call you a little brother because it’s my right to belittle you. ” – Unknown

“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.” – Liam Gallagher

“I think I’m funny because my family, my siblings were funny.” – Martin Short

“There are lots of famous characters with “Little” in their name like Little Richard or Stuart Little — too bad you’ll never be one of them, little brother! ” – Unknown

“Dear brother, you are the only enemy that I cannot live without, and you are the only enemy I love a lot.”

“While you may be the younger brother in the family, being the first-born statistically means that I’m the favorite. Hope that knowledge brings you joy on your special day!” – unknown

“Brotherhood is humankind’s oldest competition.”

“You were first a bother, then a brother, and now a friend.”

“If I was lit, you would tell – that’s why you’re my lit-tell brother! ” – Unknown

“Hey, another year closer to getting senior citizen discounts at restaurants! Wishing you an amazing day, my crazy younger brother!” – unknown

“Brothers can sit in a room and be together and just be completely comfortable.” – Leonardo DiCaprio

“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.” – Liam Gallagher

“The only thing big about my big brother is his ego! ” – Unknown

“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.” – Liam Gallagher

“I’d like to take the time out of my busy day to wish you the very best, little brother. Oh, who am I kidding- I have plenty of time to harass you! Have a splendid day!” – unknown

“Dear brother, you are like around rubber band. No matter how hard I twist you by being annoying or stretch you by harassing, you always come back to your original shape as a loving brother.”

“A brother is the only one who will pick on you for their own entertainment, but beat up anyone else who tries.”

“I smile because you’re my brother. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it!” – Author Unknown

“It takes two men to make one brother.” – Israel Zangwill

Funny Quotes About Sisters

“Hey, sister! People should use us as an example of being frenemies!.”

“Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.” Charles M. Schultz

“Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.” – Marc Brown.

“Sister, I didn’t mean to hit you on the face! I wanted to high-five you.”

“Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there.” – Amy Li.

“We shared a room, you stole my toys, and then my clothes, but best friends we became. ” Catherine Pulsifer

“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.” Patricia McCann

“No matter how hard you try, sisters are the friends you can never get rid of.”

“A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves—a special kind of double.” – Toni Morrison.

“If you mess with the big sister, there is always a younger, crazier sister behind her… that’s who you don’t want to mess with!” – Unknown

“If you think I’m high maintenance, you should see my sister.”

“We are the granddaughters of the witches they could not burn!”

“You can kid the world, but not your sister.” Charlotte Gray

“You’re my sister and my best friend. If you think otherwise, just remember I know all your secrets.”

“If you trip and fall in life, I will be there to help you up – after I quit laughing.”

“The middle sister is really just a big sister and a little sister in one.” – Unknown

“I know what you did, and I will tell Mom!

“Sister to sister we will always be, a couple of nuts off the family tree.” – Unknown

“More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.” Linda Sunshine

“What are sisters for if not to point out the things the rest of the world is too polite to mention.” – Claire Cook.

“Siblings are like sour patch candy. They are sour and sweet, all in one go.”

  • “Annoying you is my favorite pass time sister!.”
  • “Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.” – Pam Brown
  • “In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips.” – Unknown
  • “A sister will always notice her sister’s first gray hairs with glee.” Allison M. Lee
  • “A sister will always notice her sister’s first gray hairs with glee.” – Allison M. Lee.
  • “A sister will let you know when the outfit you’re trying on really doesn’t look fabulous.” Author Unknown
  • “We will always be together! I will haunt you even after I am gone, sister!.”
  • “I smile because you are my sister, I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!” Author Unknown
  • “Sister, you remind me of my friend from China. Ug Lee.”
  • “You keep your past by having sisters. As you get older, they’re the only ones who don’t get bored if you talk about your memories.” Deborah Moggach
  • “Little sister, you always make me feel like a mom!.”
  • “What do you mean no pets allowed? This is my sister.”
  • “My sister has an awesome sister, true story.” – Unknown
  • “Sister, you are not old. You are vintage.”
  • “Yeah, my sister scares me a little bit, but that’s part of what I love about her.”
  • “Sisters are like fat thighs… they stick together.” – Unknown
  • “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” – Desmond Tutu.
  • “I smile because you’re my sister. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.” – Unknown
  • “Our kids have learned from the experience of brothers and sisters that they can’t always be first.” Melissa Dayton, Crushed: When Parenting is Hard
  • “Sister if I saw it first, it is mine. If it’s broken it is yours.”
  • “I wanted to remind you that today is mother’s day. That makes me a better child for remembering! Keep up, sister!”
  • “If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.” Linda Sunshine
  • “We didn’t want to admit it then, but we were friends. Best friends.” – Shannon Celebi.
  • “My relationship with my sister is anywhere in between, Don’t breathe next to me to I will help you hide the body!.”
  • “More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.” – Linda Sunshine
  • “Middle sister: victim of our older sibling, tormentor of our younger sibling, and somehow, peacekeeper between the both of them.” – Unknown
  • “When you have a sister, you never truly forget the past. If you do, she’ll be happy to remind you of all your stupidest mistakes.”
  • Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five. Pam Brown
  • “I could never love anyone as I love my sisters.” – Amy, ‘Little Women’ (1994).
  • “We may look old and wise to the outside world. But to each other, we are still in junior school.” – Charlotte Gray.
  • “If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.” – Pearl Cleage
  • You my sister are always there for me, and on your birthday I just want to say thank you! Kate Summers
  • “Being sisters means you always have a backup.” – Unknown
  • “Our crazy family tree – we’re just two nuts who survived it together. Love you, sis.”
  • “Behind every little sister, there’s a big sister standing behind her holding a bat saying, ‘You wanna say that again?’” – Unknown
  • “You can fool the world sister, but not me. Never me.”
  • “Little sisters – the only person in the world you can blame for the things you did and get away with it.”
  • “We may look old and wise to the outside world. But to each other, we are still in junior school.” – Charlotte Gray
  • “Your sister knows which hot buttons to push to get you going, but she also knows how to be a support and encouragement when you go through difficult times.” – Byron Pulsifer
  • “We are sisters. If I am mad at someone, you are mad at them, too. End of story.” – Unknown
  • “Sister, you are the SHE to my shenanigans! ”
  • “As far as sisters go, you’re the best there is, but I’m still the favorite.”
  • “Your sister’s advice (solicited or unsolicited), carries weight.” – Lorraine Bodger

Funny Quotes On Exams

“I am in a relationship with studies, and it’s complicated.”

“I am in a relationship with studies and it’s complicated.”

“Why do we sometimes write ‘Etc’ in Exams? Because it means: E – End Of, T – Thinking, C -Capacity.”

“Examinations are the only way to know something at least for a few days.”

“80% of the exam is always based on one lecture that you missed and one topic that you didn’t prepare.”

“Examinations…? – The only way to know something at least for a few days.”

“A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world!”

“Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.”

“A thousand words of any teacher do not hurt much. But the silence of a friend in the examination hall brings tears to the eyes!”

“Sometimes, we finish the exam, and sometimes, the exam finishes us.”

“Cousins are created so that our Parents can compare marks.”

“A girl may not help you to get a lot of marks but Marks help you to get a lot of girls so Love your studies, not girls.”

“All I can say “damn” the exam!”

Exam Study: The act of texting and watching TV with an open textbook nearby.”

“I know I am something because God doesn’t create garbage.”

“The difference between try and triumph is a little umph.”

“One of the best captions written on a clock in the exam hall… “Time will pass. Will you?”

“If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.”

“Don’t spend all night studying, because you will sleep through the exam.”

“Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I  am tired of solving them for you.”

“Exam…? An exam is the only means to know something around the subject you were taught!”

“Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.”

“If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.”

“It’s very easy to be number one: find the guy who is number one, and score one point higher than he does.”

“I wish I could fit a memory card into my brain for Exams.”

“Student + dying = Studying.”

“I know I am more clever than my marks. so bullshit to Exams.”

“What happens in an exam: Tik tock, mind block, pen stop, eye pop, full shock, jaw drop, time up, no luck.”

“During the last 5 minutes of examination, every student gets a supernatural power!”

“Exams are over today, let’s party full night!”

“A Thermometer is the only thing that gets a ‘DEGREE’ without having a ‘BRAIN’!”

“Pen, Pencil! Ruler, Eraser, and Sharpener! Ready for the last finale! It’s over, Great! The life seems good, the life seems good!”

“Exams coming tension coming, exams finished tension finished.”

“I hate studying for exams, Is there an APP for that..?”

“A Thermometer is not the only thing that gets a ‘DEGREE’ without having a ‘BRAIN’! A silent message for all students.”

“I am not failed……My success is just postponed.”

“Why is it so EASY to fail but so HARD to SUCCEED?”

“Dedicated geniuses at work please don’t disturb?”

“I wish exams came with a 50/50 option.”

“Exams are like Girlfriends, 1 Too Many Questions.2 Difficult to Understand.3 More Explanation is Needed.4 Result is always FAIL!”

“Exam offer! Bring a copy on exam day, scratch, and show it to your nearest professor.”

“The night before an exam is like a night before Christmas. You can’t sleep and yet hope for a miracle too! ”

“Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.”

“School exams are memory tests, in the real world, no one is going to stop you from referring to a book to solve a problem.”

“When you do exams you never want to be the one who finishes first and you never want to be the one who finishes last.”

“Dear Google, why don’t you sit next to me through my exam?”

“I know I am something because God doesn’t create garbage.”

“I wish I could fit a memory card into my brain for exams.”

“I wish exams came with a 50/50 option.”

“Exam, please be nice. Sincerely, from my heart!”

“80% of the exam is always based on 1 lecture that you missed and 1 topic that you didn’t prepare.”

“Do not disturb brilliant minds at work!”

“Everything was going perfect, then the exam comes.”

“Hey, Google, why don’t you sit next to me during the exams?”

“Lovely days in my life, Childhood days, School days and college days, Horrible days in my life: only exam days.”

“Exams are over I have my life back!”

“Don’t stress, do your best, forget the rest.”

  • “An examination is when one question “when will you be free?”  You are looking at the calendar instead of the clock.”
  • “Do not disturb me, my last exam will be tomorrow. Good luck for me!”
  • “During a test, people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.”
  • “A thermometer is not the only thing that gets a ‘degree’ without having a ‘brain’!”
  • “The biggest mystery of Maths: 1000s of years passed, Millions of theorems derived, Millions of formulas made, but still, x is unknown!”
  • “The night before exams are like a night before Christmas. You can’t sleep and yet hope for a miracle too!”
  • “I had never passed a single school exam, and clearly never would.”
  • “What happens in an exam: Tik tock, mind block, pen stop, eye pop, full shock, jaw drop, time up, no luck.”
  • “My school cares more about the uniform than about my education!”
  • “Amen brother – Final exam… done and dusted. At least till results day.”
  • “Exams let me know how much I can fight in my sleep.”
  • “Everything was going perfect, then the exam comes.”
  • “Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor’s course.”
  • “I wish I could fit a memory card into my brain for exams.”
  • “A thermometer is not the only thing that gets a ‘degree’ without having a ‘brain’! (A silent message for all students).”
  • “Not everyone who takes extra paper during finals writes extra sense.”
  • “Exam: My Study period = 15 minutes!  My break time = 3 hours!”
  • “Do Not Disturb, it’s study time.”
  • “Do not disturb it is exam time!”
  • “Dear exam please be nice thanks!”
  • “My school cares more about the uniform than about my education! ”
  • “The exam is over = OH YEAH! Result comes = OH SHIT!”
  • “Win a free trip to the principal’s office, and enjoy three years vacation at home.”
  • “Good luck passing the exam and my deepest early condolences if you don’t.”
  • “Exam offer! Bring a copy on exam day, scratch and show it to your nearest professor. Win a free trip to the principal’s office, and enjoy three years vacation at home.”

Funny Quotes For Girls

“Happiness Is… New Cosmetics, Many Of Them!”

“Be someone who makes everyone feel like someone.”

“My Heels Are Higher Than Your Standards.”

“Every girl has three personalities. 1. The one when she’s with her family. 2. The one when she’s with her friends. 3. The one when she’s with him.”

“The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion.” – Proverb

“A baby girl is one of the most beautiful miracles in life, one of the greatest joys we can ever know, and one of the reasons why there is a little extra sunshine, laughter, and happiness in your world today.”

“Girls will get together just to get together. Guys need an activity as an excuse. Otherwise, it’s too homo for them to handle.”

“Aside From Gravity, Nothing In Life Can Keep Me Down.”

“A Beautiful Woman Glows Even Under The Shining Moon.”

“Looks Aren’t Everything, But I Have Them Just In Case.”

“Am I a sweet angel or a naughty devil? You decide.”

“Be A Diamond Esteemed And Rare, Not A Stone Found Everywhere.”

“You’re a beautiful girl, and you can do anything you want in life.” – Jeanine Pirro

“Happiness Is A New Lipstick.”

“Money Can’t Buy Happiness… But It Can Buy Amazing Makeup.”

“I Collect Smiles, And Then I Give Them Away.”

“Be A Girl With A Mind, A Woman With Attitude, And A Lady With Class.”

“They say there’s no excuse for laziness. Watch me discover one!”

“A wise girl knows her limits, a smart girl knows that she has none.” – Marilyn Monroe

“Be a beautiful cupcake in a world full of muffins.”

“My God! We’ve Had To Clone In The South For Years. It’s Called Cousins.”

“At Least This Balloon Is Attracted To Me!”

“Aside From Gravity, Nothing In Life Can Keep Me Down.”

“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.” – Erma Bombeck

“Marriage Is A Great Institution, But I’m Not Ready For An Institution.”

“Good Girls Are Bad Girls That Didn’t Get Caught!”

“Too many girls rush into relationships because of the fear of being single, then start making compromises, and losing their identity. Don’t do that.” – Katy Perry

“It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.” -Tallulah Bankhead

“I Suffer An Extreme Case Of Not Being Beyonce. .”

“I Can’t Do The Same Thing Every Night, The Same Gestures… It’s Like Putting On Dirty Panties Every Day.”

“A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” – Coco Chanel

“I Want To Be Wild, Beautiful And Free, Just Like A Sea.”

“Shopping Is Still Cheaper Than Therapy ?”

“The Most Beautiful Woman Is One Who Puts On A Smile As Her Makeup Every Morning.”

“If you’re sad, add more lipstick and attack.” – Coco Chanel

“People say I act like I don’t care. Well, I say none of it is an act.”

“Tangled Hair, Don’t Care.”

“I Like Long Romantic Walks… To The Makeup Aisle.”

“Be A Beautiful Cupcake In A World Full Of Muffins.”

“If Opportunity Doesn’t Knock, Build A Door.”

“Heels and red lipstick will put the fear of God into people.” – Dita Von Teese

“Picky with men as I am picky with my selfies.”

“You Are Magic. Don’t Ever Apologize For The Fire In You.”

Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves and, of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys they’d just walk around naked at all times.”

“Skin on glow, money please grow.”

“There’s A Million Fish In The Sea. But I’m A Mermaid.”

“Being Glamorous Is Not A Crime.”

“We girls, we’re tough, darling. Soft on the outside but, deep down, we’re tough.” – Kristen Ashley

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” – Albert Einstein

“A real girl isn’t perfect and a perfect girl isn’t real.” – Harry Styles

“Don’t get bitter, just get better.” – Alyssa Edwards

“A Wise Girl Knows Her Limits, A Smart Girl Knows That She Has None.”

“Chocolate Doesn’t Ask Questions. Chocolate Understands.”

“Every Woman Is An Angel, You Only Need To Take Her To Heaven.”

“Money Can’t Buy Happiness… But It Can Buy Amazing Makeup.”

“Happy Girls Are The Prettiest.”

“No Matter How You Feel, Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up And Neve.”

“Do Not Take Life Too Seriously. You Will Never Get Out Of It Alive.”

“Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That’s what little girls are made of; the heck with sugar and spice.”

“Someday, I’m going to eye-roll myself into another universe.”

“True Happiness Is When Your Hair And Makeup Look Good At The Same Time!”

“Bitches be tripping. Okay, maybe I pushed one.”

“Roses are red, I’m going to bed.”

“I love the person I’ve become because I fought to become her.” – Kayci Diane

“Whether For Eyeliner Or Life, Just Wing It!”

“You’re a beautiful girl, and you can do anything you want in life.” – Jeanine Pirro

“My Favourite Makeup Is Confidence.”

“What’s your opinion regarding this picturesque sight?.”

“She Was The Type Of Girl The Moon Chased And The Stars Wished For.”

“Better to be strong than pretty and useless.” – Lilith Saintcrow

“When A Woman Is Late, Do Not Ask Her, The Foundation Had To Dry First.”

“A clever girl may pass through the phase of a foolish miss on the way to a sensible woman.” – Mary Lascelles

“Every beautiful girl need to hear some cute words but only one who deserves it.” – Nabil Toussi

“I’m Not Fat. I’m Just Easier To See.”

“Beautiful Girl You Were Made To Do Hard Things So Believe In Yourself.”

“Give a girl the correct footwear and she can conquer the world.” – Bette Midler

“So you like bad girls? I’m actually bad at everything.”

“At Least This Balloon Is Attracted To Me!”

“Just because I’m sassy and have a mouth on me doesn’t mean I’m coming from a negative place.” – Kesha

  • “God Is Really Creative, I Mean… Just Look At Me.”
  • “Behind Every Successful Woman Is Only Herself.”
  • “If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” -Katharine Hepburn
  • “Speak English. Kiss french. Dress Italian. Spend Arab. Party Caribbean.”
  • “A girl should be like a butterfly. Pretty to see, hard to catch.”
  • “I Am Just A Girl Standing In Front Of A Salad, Asking For It To Be A Donut.”
  • “Keep calm and call your stylist.”
  • If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she’s late?”
  • “Inner Beauty Needs No Makeup.”
  • “A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.” – Cher
  • “The only thing resting here is my bitch face.”
  • “Be Classy, Sassy, And A Bit Smart Assy.”
  • “I’m Nicer When I Like My Outfit.”
  • “As A Woman, I Cannot Run The World And Run After Men!”
  • “A girl is an Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot.”
  • “Make up can make you beautiful on the outside, but it won’t work if you are ugly on the inside.”
  • “I’m a girl. Don’t touch my hair, face, phone, or boyfriend.”
  • “Behind Every Successful Woman Is Only Herself.”
  • “It’s Better To Arrive Late Than To Arrive Ugly.”
  • “Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves and, of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys they’d just walk around naked at all times.”
  • “Life isn’t perfect but your outfit can be.”
  • “Who Run The World? Girls.”
  • “Cut My Pie Into Four Pieces, I Do Not Think I Could Eat Eight.”
  • “I Am Not Short, I Am Just Concentrated Awesome.”
  • “Eat Diamonds for breakfast and shine all day.”
  • “My Hairstyle Is Called – I Tried.”
  • “If Life Gives Me Lemons – I’ll Ask For Tequila And Salt.”
  • “Behind Every Successful Man Is A Woman Rolling Her Eyes.”
  • “A Man Is Only Yours When You Are With Him.”
  • “God Is Really Creative, I Mean… Just Look At Me.”
  • “Sleep… Eat… Makeup… Repeat.”
  • “I embrace mistakes, they make you who you are.” – Beyonce
  • “The only time I chase guys is when they try to steal my food.”
  • “You Know I’ll Rise Up Every Time Like A Phoenix.”
  • “Never call your selfie ugly. Call it wacky.”
  • “Let’s get down and dirty. Let’s be a real girl.” – Drew Barrymore
  • “It’s Better To Arrive Late Than To Arrive Ugly.”
  • “God Is Really Creative, I Mean Just Look At Me.”
  • “I Am Not Short, I Am Just Concentrated Awesome.”
  • “Shopping Is Still Cheaper Than Therapy?”
  • “Never ever dare to underestimate the power of a woman’s intuition and instinct. She can recognize a game before you even play it.”
  • “A woman knows by intuition, or instinct, what is best for herself.” -Marilyn Monroe
  • “I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton
  • “Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
  • “I Don’t Know What’s Tighter, Our Jeans Or Our Friendship.”

Funny Quotes For Students

“He who opens a school door closes a prison.”

“We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school.” – Peter De Vries.

“What did the senior college student say to the Freshman? RUN!

“As long as there will be Maths in school I always pray to God.”

“I watched an egg frying and thought this is what college does to your brain?”

“The best antiques to collect are old friends.”

“Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path, then, by all means, you should follow that.”

“During a test when the teacher passes by, you cover your answer with your hand. So that the teacher can’t see how stupid you are?”

“Struggling to decide what to do after graduation is, and always will be, a sort of rite of passage to the next phase of your life.” -Gloria Davidson

“When my friend isn’t present in school, 5% I hope he’s okay, 95% how dare you to leave me alone.”

“If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.” – Muhammad Ali

“Back off, I’m easily triggered!”

“I need to color! I need to color!”

“In 300 BC Euclid invented geometry and the grade F.”

“Work hard, nap hard.”

“What’s the difference between breakfast and lunch? Nothing. Both taste terrible.”

“The first day of chemistry class everyone thinks that I can cook meth.” “Be so good they can’t ignore you.”

“Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.” -John Green

“And to think trees gave up their lives for this class book!”

“Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.”

“You send your child to the schoolmaster, but ’tis the schoolboys who educate him. You send him to the Latin class, but much of his tuition comes, on his way to school, from the shop- windows.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“I’ve had more bad hair days since I started college than good hair days!”

“Remember, when it comes to applying for jobs, books ARE judged by their cover!” -Patricia Akins

“Stress moved in and I checked out.”

“You have to be really serious to study math.”

“Life was easier before college. I got to sleep.”

“I don’t go to school to learn I go to school just to entertain others.”

“To be honest, I still have not to figure out the sense of making tons of homework every day.”

“There are only two places in the world where time takes precedence over the job to be done: school and prison.” – William Glasser.

“In bed, it’s 6 am you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45. At school it’s 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 1:31.”

“Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” – Kurt Vonnegut.

“Goats are like mushrooms, if you shoot a duck, I’m scared of toasters.”

“College is for idiots!”

“When I tell you that I miss school, what I really mean is that I miss the people I had fun with.”

“Schooling purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.”

“We do not remember days; we remember moments.”

“Telltale sign of who’s failing classes – Anyone sleeping in.”

“A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.” – Theodore Roosevelt.

“My mom would never approve of this!”

“Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.” – Thomas Dewar

“I’m majoring in philosophy so I can be unemployed all my life.”

“Buddy, college is supposed to set you on your life path, but it looks like you took a wrong turn!”

“You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.” -Tom & Ray Magliozzi

“A clean dorm room is a sign you aren’t partying enough.”

“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.”

“Best advice from this senior? Cold pizza is just as good on the second day as it is on the third day.”

“After four years, I’ve realized that the meaning of life can’t be found here!”

“How much money does it take to eat at college? More than I have!”

“Can I borrow an ounce of can’t for my cup of EVAH?

“In school, they told me practice makes perfect. And then they told me nobody’s perfect, so then I stopped practicing.”

“Even if you are on the right track you will get run over if you just sit there.”

“Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.” -Erma Bombeck

“Why pass your exams when you can pass away.”

“I know how much is in a cup and this isn’t enough!”

“A real friend wouldn’t let me be here!”

“Help me! I’m stuck in class and can’t get out!”

“School is killing us. Textbooks are made from paper. Paper is made from trees. We need trees for Oxygen. Thus the school is killing us.”

“No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.”

  • “High School looks good on TV but in reality, it does not.”
  • “The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you”.
  • “In school, they told me Practice makes perfect. And then they told me Nobody’s perfect, so then I stopped practicing.” – Steven Wright.
  • “At graduation, you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.” – Greg Tamblyn
  • “Sometimes you just need to tell your friend to stop whining about classes and go back to bed!”
  • “My teacher always asks for not wasting time and then she gave 30 minutes of speech on how not to waste time.”
  • “My roommate sits in the corner watching me!” “Ah buddy, your roommate dropped out last month.”
  • “You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.” – Bill Watterson.
  • “Wow, my friend’s parents saved for 18 years, just so he can get drunk every night!”
  • “What is blue all over? Me!”
  • “I’m triggered, what’s your excuse?”
  • “Sometimes you just have to throw on a crown and remind them who they’re dealing with.”
  • “My mum wakes me up to go to school but she doesn’t know that my favorite place to sleep is on the last bench.”
  • “You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.”
  • “Groupthink is a college prerequisite.”
  • “As long as teachers give tests, there will always be prayer in schools.”
  • “Time will pass will you?”
  • “I just realized my modern lit class started an hour ago… yesterday.”
  • “Whoever said I wanted to be here?”
  • “Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.”
  • “Zombies have the right to attend college. They’ve had it for centuries!”
  • “Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.”
  • “Some students drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.”

Funny Quotes For Teachers

“Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.” – Benjamin Franklin.

“The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don’t want to learn much.” – W. C. Stellar

“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils..” – Hector Berlioz

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” – Cynthia Ozick.

“Cheers to all of the teachers who give out pencils every single day knowing that they’ll never get them back.” – Unknown

“In the school, I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.” -Rodney Dangerfield

“Deja Poo: The feeling a teacher gets at a faculty meeting that she’s heard this stuff before.” – Heidi McDonald
“Teaching is a walk in the park… If that park is Jurassic Park.”

“Education is the key to success in life, and teachers make a lasting impact in the lives of their students.” – Solomon Ortiz.

“Y’all gonna make me lose my mind up in here, up in here!”

“Success is not a good teacher, failure makes you humble.” – Shah Rukh Khan.

“Teaching is like hiking up an erupting volcano, during a hurricane, while being chased by dinosaurs.”

“Teaching is the greatest act of optimism.” – Colleen Wilcox

“Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.” – Minna Thomas Antrim

“A policeman pulled me over and asked me for my papers. I gladly gave him all of my students’ essays to grade and drove off.” – Heidi McDonald

“If you can read this, thank a teacher.” – Harry S. Truman.

Good teachers are the ones who can challenge young minds without losing their own.”

“Sunday is a teacher’s day of rest: the rest of the laundry, the rest of the housework, and grade the rest of the papers.” – Heidi McDonald.

“Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.”

“It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.” – Albert Einstein

“Sunday is a teacher’s day of REST: the REST of the laundry, the REST of the housework, and grade the REST of the papers.” – Heidi McDonald

“If the things that ran through my head came out of my mouth while teaching, there’s no way I’d still have a job.”

“He who can do. He who cannot, teaches.” -George Bernard Shaw

“I am not a teacher, but an awakener.” – Robert Frost.

“Good teaching must be slow enough so that it is not confusing, and fast enough so that it is not boring.” – Sidney J. Harris.

“ Writing with a fresh expo marker is like crawling into a bed made up with sheets fresh from the dryer.”

“Education is not the filling of a pot but the lighting of a fire.” – W.B. Yeats.

“Our task, regarding creativity, is to help children climb their own mountains, as high as possible. No one can do more.” – Loris Malaguzzi.

“Personally I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.” – Winston Churchill

“Education costs money, but then so does ignorance.” – Claus Moser.

“Your heart is slightly bigger than the average human heart, but that’s because you’re a teacher.” – Aaron Bacall.

“ A BMW can’t take you as far as a diploma.” – Joyce A Myers

“Nobody is your friend, nobody is your enemy, but every person is your teacher.”

“It’s very hard to teach anything to a young man who knows everything.” – Paul Malmont

“A very wise old teacher once said: I consider a day’s teaching wasted if we do not all have one hearty laugh.” – Gilbert Highet.

“People demand a miracle from teachers, and if a miracle happens, no one is surprised.”

“A teacher’s job is to take a bunch of live wires and see that they are well-grounded.” -Darwin D. Martin

“A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” – Henry Adams.

“Teaching is the greatest act of optimism.” – Colleen Wilcox.

“Education is what survives when what has been learned is forgotten.” – BF Skinner.

“The best teacher of children, in brief, is one who is essentially childlike.” – H. L. Mencken

“The cross-eyed teacher keeps the whole class in suspense during the test.”

“A sentence for any 7-year-old child: 11 years of school regime with toys confiscated.”

“Great teachers empathize with kids, respect them, and believe that each one has something special that can be built upon.” – Ann Liberman.

“Often when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to until she got an unlisted number.” – Unknown

“Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.” – John Dewey.

“Patriotism is always the result of a happy childhood, which depends not on money, but on parents, friends, and teachers.”

“Teachers are the only professionals who have to respond to bells every forty-five minutes and come out fighting.” – Frank McCourt

“Keep calm and pretend this is on the lesson plan.”

“Life is a far too good teacher to teach us only good things.”

“Ask yourself: ‘Do I feel the need to laminate?’ Then teaching is for you.”

“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.” -Woody Allen

“In an effective classroom, students should not only know what they are doing, but they should also know why and how.” – Harry Wong.

“A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.” – Henny Youngman

“A good teacher can inspire hope, ignite the imagination, and instill a love of learning.” – Brad Henry.

“A gifted teacher is as rare as a gifted doctor and makes far less money.” – Unknown

“Children are like cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” – Dr. Haim Ginott

  • “People learn something every day, and a lot of times it’s what they learned the day before was wrong.” – Bill Vaughan
  • “Ask yourself: ‘Do I feel the need to laminate?’ Then teaching “is for you.” – Gordon Korman
  • “There are three things to remember when teaching: know your stuff; know whom you are stuffing, and then stuff them elegantly.” -Lola May
  • “Being a new teacher is like trying to fly an airplane while building it.” – Rick Smith
  • “Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition.” – Jacques Barzun
  • “Teaching: the only profession where you steal things from home and bring them to work.”
  • “Your teacher is not the one who teaches you, but the one who you learn from.”
  • “A gifted teacher is not only prepared to meet the needs of today’s child but is also prepared to foresee the hopes and dreams in every child’s future.”
  • “Those who know, do. Those that understand, teach.” – Aristotle.
  • “Young teachers don’t know how to work. But experienced ones know how not to work.”
  • “Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best.” – Bob Talbert
  • “Your best teacher is your last mistake.” – Ralph Nader
  • “Summer: The time of the year when parents realize just how grossly underpaid teachers actually are.” – Unknown
  • “When educating the minds of our youth, we must not forget to educate their hearts.” – Dalai Lama
  • “A teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary.” – Thomas Carruthers
  • “Judging by the teachers’ salaries, our government is made up of vengeful ignoramuses.”
  • “As long as teachers give test there will always be prayer in schools.” – Unknown
  • “It takes a big heart and a large, extra-strong coffee to shape little minds.”
  • “I teach high school math. I sell a product to a market that doesn’t want it but is forced by law to buy it.” – Dan Meyer
  • “There are three good reasons to be a teacher – June, July, and August.” – Unknown
  • “You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, ‘This is art, and you can’t do it.” – Steve Martin
  • “Teachers affect eternity; no-one can tell where their influence stops.” -Henry Brook Adams
  • “By choosing to be a teacher, you have entered an emotionally dangerous profession.” – Unknown
  • “Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.” – Malcolm X
  • “Not to brag but my teacher’s voice is good enough to make the class next door quiet down.”
  • “No one should teach who is not in love with teaching.” – Margaret Elizabeth Sangster
  • “Summer: The time of the year when parents realize just how grossly underpaid teachers actually are.” -Unknown
  • “Teach the children so it will not be necessary to teach the adults.” – Abraham Lincoln.
  • “It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.” – Albert Einstein
  • “Intelligence plus character– that is the goal of true education.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
  • “Of all the hard jobs around, one of the hardest is being a good teacher.” – Maggie Gallagher
  • “I cannot teach anybody anything; I can only make them think.” – Socrates
  • “One book, one pen, one child, and one teacher can change the world.” – Malala Yousafzai
  • “A teacher’s job is to take a bunch of live wires and see that they are well-grounded.” – D. Martin
  • “The best teacher in our life is life itself, its lessons cannot be skipped.”
  • “Nine-tenths of education is encouragement.’ – Anatole France.
  • “Good teachers also have bad students: for example, Christ had Judas.”
  • “You know what takes longer than a kid telling a story? Nothing!”


I hope you will enjoy these Cute Funny Quotes And Sayings About Life And Love…

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Eid ul Adha Wishes And Quotes, Messages 2022

Eid ul Adha is the last day of the month of Dhu Al Hijjah, which is also known as Hajj. Eid ul Adha is one of the most prominent Muslim festivals and is celebrated worldwide. It is also known as the “Festival of Sacrifice”. Eid ul Adha is a celebration of the willingness of Prophet Abraham to sacrifice his son Ismail and it is one of the most important Islamic holidays. Muslims celebrate this day by giving charity, visiting friends and relatives, making food for the poor and the needy, and praying.

You can make Eid Al Adha memorable for your loved ones by sending them Eid ul Adha Mubarak Wishes. If you are looking for a way to send Eid ul Adha Wishes, you can use our website. You can find the best Eid ul Adha Wishes and Quotes on our website. You can also send Eid ul Adha Quotes to your friends and family by using the app or messaging service.

“On this Eid-ul-Adha no shadows to depress you. Only joys surround you.”

“Though we are not together on Eid day, I want you to know that my heart is always with you to share all the happiness and joy.” – Bakra Eid Mubarak

“Accept my gift of Eid Mubarak wrapped with love and tied with care.” Eid Mubarak

“Everyone used social media these days. So, if you are a social media freak then here are the best Eid-ul-Adha Mubarak statuses for you that you can upload or send to your loved ones to wish them a very happy eid.”

“May we find blessing and guidance as we recite Quran Happy EID!

“Eid-al-Adha is the day of sacrifice and commitment to ALLAH’s orders. May ALLAH (The only creator) bless all of us with happiness, success, joy, and health.” – Eid ul Adha Mubarak

“I pray for your good health and prosperity as you feast on your Iftar.” – Eid ul Adha Mubarak

“May on this eid, the plate of your life is filled with chatni of happiness, kababs of joy, and the salad of love.” – Eid Ul Adha Mubarak

“This eid makes your loved ones smile.” – Happy Eid ul Adha

“May ALLAH forgive us, accept our prayers, bless us with peace, and shower us with love. ” Happy Eid ul Adha

“Today is a wonderful day to make everyone happy.” Eid ul Adha Mubarak

“May, the auspicious day of Eid-al-Adha bring happiness to your heart and home. Eid Mubarak to all the Muslim brothers and sisters!”

“May this eid bring endless blessings of God (the only creator).” Eid Mubarak

“The real meaning of eid is joy and happiness. So smile and spread happiness in the lives of the people around you.” Eid Mubarak

“Eid Mubarak to all! May you have a blessed and beautiful day.” – Eid ul Adha Mubarak

“Make this Bakra eid even more special by celebrating with those who were upset with you.” Eid Mubarak to all the Muslim Ummah!

“May ALLAH bless you with an abundance of new friends who fill your heart with happiness.” Eid Mubarak

“May Allah almighty bless u with Sehat, Rahat, Nemat, Izzat, Barkat, Dault, Salamti, Hayati, Kamyabi & unlimited khushiyan EID MUBARAK

“Eid is the day to celebrate together, eat together, and enjoy together.” – Eid ul Adha Mubarak

“Some words can be left unsaid, and Some feelings can be gone unexpressed, But a person like you can never be forgotten on this day EID MUBARAK

“Be the soul that people crave in your vibes.” Eid Mubarak

“Eid day is meant to celebrate things that make you happy. May this eid become the most special day of your life.” Eid Mubarak

“My good wishes, my good wishes for you are the just prayers for your long happy life from God on this noble event.” Wish you a very Happy Eid

“May on this EID The Plate of your life be filled, With juicy Kababs & Tikkas, Topped With Chatni of Happiness and Covered with Salad of Love.” Eid Mubarak

“All the loving wishes for you today to bring much happiness your way.” – Eid Greetings

“Earth can forget rotating, birds can forget flying, candles can forget melting, Heart can forget beating but I’ll never forget to wish You “Happy Eid”.

Eid ul Adha Wishes

Eid ul Adha Wishes

Eid Al Adha is the biggest holiday in the Islamic calendar. Eid Al Adha is a day of fasting and prayer. Eid Ul Adha is a festival of forgiveness and the willingness to reconcile. This day is celebrated to thank Allah for the mercy He bestowed on the Prophet and on mankind. Eid Ul Adha Wishes are used to convey feelings of happiness, gratitude, and kindness and to share that happiness with others.

“May Allah’s blessings be with you today, tomorrow, and always.” Eid ul Adha Mubarak

“May the magic of this Eid bring lots of happiness in your life and may you celebrate it with all your close friends & may it fill your heart with wonders.” Eid Mubarak

“May God give you the happiness of heaven above. Happy Eid Mubarak To You All.”

“May Allah flood your life with happiness on this occasion, your heart with love, your soul with spiritual, your mind with wisdom, wishing you a very Happy Eid.”

“Let this Eid open your mind with new fresh thoughts.”

“O You who believe! Enter absolutely into peace [Islam]. Do not follow in the footsteps of Satan. He is an outright enemy to you.”

“Show forgiveness, speak for justice, and avoid the ignorant.” – [Quran, 7:199]

“On Eid-ul-Adha, wish that Allah accepts your good deeds and sacrifices, alleviates your sufferings, and forgives your transgressions.”

“Wishing that this Eid brings you wonderful moments to cherish forever.” Happy Eid-ul-Adha

“On the Holy occasion of Eid Ul Adha celebrates the hajj… May you be filled with happiness and may every step of your journey through life be blessed by Allah.” Eid Mubarak

“May you be guided by your faith in Allah and shine in his divine blessings!”

“May the blessings of Allah fill your life with happiness and open all the doors of success now and always.” Eid Mubarak

“On this Eid, embrace the Muslim solidarity in your souls and seek Allah’s blessings!” Eid Mubarak

“Eid Ul Adha is an Eid of sacrifice and commitment to Allah’s orders. May Allah bless us with the same in all circles of life, and help all amongst us, who are helpless, worried, and waiting for his Rehmat.” Eid Mubarak

“May Eid-ul-Adha bring you peace, love, warmth, and happiness all your way.” Happy Eid-ul-Adha

“Allah Hu Akbar, Allah Hu Akbar, Allah Hu Akbar… Is your recipe your prayers on Eid Ul Adha, May Allah bless you all and your wishes come true.” Eid Ul Adha Mubarak 2022

“Enjoy like a child and be thankful to Allah for he has bestowed all Muslims with such a beautiful day. Eid Mubarak to you!”

“On Eid Ul Adha, wish that your sacrifices are appreciated and your prayers are answered by the almighty. Have a blessed Eid Ul Adha!”

“Eid Mubarak! May Allah’s commands and prophets’ teachings make us better Muslim!”

“Eid ul Adha is for the believers, for the faithful ones, and for those who are ready to sacrifice everything for Allah. Wishing you and your family a blissful Eid ul Adha!”

“May this day fill you with devotion and commitment to Islamic teachings! Eid al Adha Mubarak to everyone!”

“May Allah brings you joy, happiness, peace, and prosperity on this blessed occasion. Wishing you and your family a happy occasion of Eid!” Eid Mubarak

“May the divine blessings of Allah bring you hope, faith, and joy on Eid-Ul-Adha and forever.” Happy Eid Ul Adha

“When you offer your best to Allah, know that he accepts your sacrifice as a way of you saying thank you to him for all his magnificent gifts in life!” Eid Mubarak

“May your penances are valued, and all of your supplications are replied to by the Almighty. Eid Mubarak to all.”

“My wish for you on this Eid, My peace and joy embrace your life, And stay on this blessed day and always. Ameen!” Eid Ul Adha Mubarak

“Eid Ul Adha Mubarak to all! May the guidance of Islam lead us to the divine path of peace!”

“May the teachings of Allah and his prophet be your companion throughout your life. May this Eid ul Adha bring peace, prosperity, and happiness to you and your family!”

“Whoever desires to meet his Lord, should do good deeds and not associate with anyone in the worship of his Lord.” – Quran

“May the magic of this Eid ul-Fitr bring lots of happiness in your life, May you celebrate it with all your close friends and family, And may your heart be filled with love and joy!” Eid Mubarak

“All my best wishes to you and your family on this holy occasion. May you have a spectacular celebration of this day.” Eid Mubarak

“May Allah grant you and your family peaceful and prosperous life. May the blessings of Allah never leave your side. Wishing you the heartiest Eid ul Adha Mubarak!”

“May this special day bring peace, happiness, and prosperity to everyone.” Eid Mubarak

“Eid Ul Adha Mubarak: It is not their meat nor their blood, that reaches Allah: It is your piety that reaches him: he has thus made them subject to you, that ye may glorify Allah for his guidance to you and proclaim the good news to you all who do right.”

“May God give you the happiness of heaven above. Happy Eid Mubarak To You All.”

“May the holy occasion of Eid ul Adha give you all the time you need to rejoice and celebrate Allah’s magnificence in your life.” Eid Mubarak

“Happy Eid Ul Adha! Wishing for all your sacrifices to get accepted and prayers to get answered!”

“May Allah flood your life with happiness on this occasion, your heart with love, your soul with spirituality, your mind with wisdom, wishing you a very Happy Eid”

“Earth can forget rotating, birds can forget flying, candles can forget melting, Heart can forget beating but I’ll never forget to wish You “Happy Eid”.


Eid Al Adha is a very special day for Muslims and for their family and friends. As Muslims, it is a day of celebration, and we should all be taking part in the festivities. With this in mind, we wanted to share some Eid Al Adha wishes that you can use to greet your Muslim friends and family on this special day.

Eid Mubarak to all of our Muslim readers! We hope you had a joyous occasion celebrating Eid Al-Adha. We also hope you found value in the information provided in our blog post about Eid ul Adha.

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Ramadan Quotes And Wishes for the Spirit and Soul

Ramadan Quotes

Ramadan is the most encouraging, precious, and rare for all Muslims of the world. We have preferred the best Ramadan quotes and wishes in English and images to download and share.

Ramadan is a Holy month for Muslims in which fasting is attended for 30 days and after that Muslims celebrate the Eid-ul-Fitr.

On the day of Eid-ul-Fitr people wear new clothes and offer the pray and people also do charity, like money, food or clothes to the needy and poor people.

Ramadan means avoiding eating, drinking, and bad habits. The objective of this month is to feel for the poor and needy, to feel what happens when you stay hungry all day.

It is a remembrance of Muhammad’s first revelation and the annual compliance of the event is treated as one of the five pillars of Islam.

Fasting helps a person build up self-control. A person who refrains from admissible things like food and drink is likely to feel aware of his sins. It teaches us to endure others even when we have the capacity, power, and authority to oppress them.

Fasting doesn’t only mean not eating anything from Suhoor to Iftar, it also means to stop over from sins like backbiting, unnecessary altercation, controversy, anger, etc.

We have a collection of Ramadan Quotes to inspire Muslims during the holy month. These quotes will help you understand the significance of Ramadan and offer a lot of inspiration.

Ramadan Quotes And Wishes

“Wake up an hour before Fajar.” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Quotes And Wishes

“Supplicate. Three prayers are not rejected: the prayer of a father, the prayer of a fasting person, and the prayer of a traveler.”

“Plan your Tahajjud by having a Dua list ready.” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Quotes

“He who gives iftar to another fasting person shall earn reward equivalent to a fasting man without detracting from the reward of the latter.”

“Use a Miswak to purify your mouth.” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Quotes Images

“Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah, The Exalted, bless you and your family with a beautiful month of fasting and nearness to Him.”

“Drink & Eat with your right hand.” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Kareem Quotes

“Be good to your surroundings and loved ones, and may they be good to you this Ramadan.”

“Looking for extra Ajr? Read Quran after Fajr!” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Quotes Pictures

“Wish You All A Very Happy Ramadan, Mubarak. May This Ramadan Be As Bright As Ever.”

“Enter & exit the Mosque with a smile on your face.” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Quotes And Sayings

“Happy Ramadan Mubarak. May Allah grant all our prayers and guide us to his path.”

“Hide all the clocks and dive deep into worship.” – Ramadan Kareem

Happy Ramadan Quotes

“Have you ever wondered why we’re happy in Ramadan? Because we do what we were created to do.”

“Help the poor break the fast.” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Mubarak Wishes

“Whoever Allah wishes to show goodness, he gives him the understanding of the religion.”

“Alhamdulillah for the sound of Adhaan at the time of Iftar.” – Ramadan Kareem

Happy Ramadan Quotes & Wishes

“Have a great Ramadan and may you receive all the Good blessings of Allah, this holy month.”

“Ramadan is about losing sins, not weight.” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Quotes in English

“Fasting is, first and foremost, an exercise for identifying and managing adversity in all its forms.”

“Don’t spoil your fast by backbiting.” – Ramadan Kareem

Famous Ramadan Quotes

“Ramadhan is coming, The time that is blessed. Ramadhan is coming, The time we love best.”

“Spend some more time in Sujood.” – Ramadan Kareem

Best Ramadan Quotes

“May your Ramadan be blessed and May Allah accept your good deeds as sincerely done for Him.”

“Wake your family up for Jannah.” – Ramadan Kareem

Quotes About Ramadan

“Have you ever wondered why we’re happy in Ramadan? Because we do what we were created to do.”

“Every night in Ramadan, ALLAH chooses people to be saved from the HELL fire.” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Quotes From Quran

“If any Muslim comes out of Ramadan without gaining forgiveness and goodness, he is a real loser.”

“Pure actions follow pure intentions fast Ramadan for God not for following a Tradition.” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Wishes 2022

“May this holy month of Ramadan be a month full of blessings. May you be showered with peace, joy, and prosperity.” – Happy Ramadan

“Every son of Adam is a sinner and the best of sinners are those who repent.” – Muhammad (P.B.U.H)

Happy Ramadan Kareem Quotes

“Don’t give up on your dua (prayer). You don’t know where the response will come from or how many evils were averted from your path…”

“Sleepless, Eat lesser, Seek more.” – Ramadan Kareem

Happy Ramadan 2022

“Allah knows you’re tired. Allah knows it’s difficult. You must also know that Allah would never put you in a situation you couldn’t handle.”

“Sins start with a thought, just as the rain starts with a drop.” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Mubarak 2022

“Whoever prayed at night in it (the month of Ramadan) out of sincere Faith and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven.”

“Avoid speedy Gonzales Prayers” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Greetings

“The month of Ramadan is superior to all other months, and the last ten nights are superior to the other nights.”

“Speak less. Recite more. Sleepless. Qiyam more.” – Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Quotes for Friends

“Whoever stands (in the voluntary night prayer) in Laylat Al-Qadr out of faith and in hope of reward, his previous sins will be forgiven.”

“Don’t miss Qiyam in the last 10 nights” – Ramadan Kareem

“When you see the new crescent then fast, and when you see it then stop fasting. If it is cloudy then fast thirty days.”

Prayers can move mountains

“Call upon me;

I will respond to you.”

(Quran 40:60)

“May Allah blesses you and protect you from all sins. May peace, joy, and hope be filled in your house. Have a blessed Ramadan” – Ramadan Kareem

“Let the tears wash away your sins” – Ramadan Kareem

“Anyone who fasts for one day for Allah’s sake, Allah will keep his face away from the Hellfire for (a distance covered by a journey of) seventy years.”

“When you become lost search for ALLAH.” – Ramadan Kareem

“Let’s prepare our hearts and minds that We may be united spiritually with the almighty one. Ramadan Mubarak!”

“Don’t miss the Tarawih prayers.” – Ramadan Kareem

“May this Ramadan be successful for all of us and provide us with good health and wealth.” – Happy Ramadan

“During Sujood, ask God to accept your Fast.” – Ramadan Kareem

“Whosoever fasts in Ramadan and then follows it with fasting six days of Shawwal, it is as if he fasts forever.”

“Hide all the clocks and dive deep into worship.” – Ramadan Kareem

“Ramadhan will be coming soon prepare. your mind, body, and soul for the holy month gain maximum benefit.”

“Don’t Delay in paying the Zakat Al Fitr.” – Ramadan Kareem

“The month when underhanded is non-useful is an open door for us Muslims to start world harmony. Ramadan Mubarak!” – Ramadan Kareem

“Ramadan is going. Don’t let the good deeds go too.”  – Ramadan Kareem

“The benevolence of Ramadan is open for us, to ask, entreat, implore Him for health and well being and also to ask for kindness and guidance for all our friends and family.” – Ramadan Quotes

“Pray for the oppressed Muslims.” – Ramadan Kareem

“The mercy of Ramadan is open for us, to ask, beseech, beg Him for health and wellness and also to ask for mercy and guidance for all our loved ones.”

“Ramadan is like the rain. It nourishes the seeds of good deeds.”

“I wish you to have an amazing four weeks of enlightenment.” – Ramadan Kareem

“When you stand up to pray, pray as if it is your last prayer.”

“Don’t be a servant of Ramadan be a servant of ALLAH be consistent.” – Ramadan Kareem

“The fasting person in a state of worship as long as he does not backbite.”

“Fasting confirms our utter dependence upon God by finding in Him a source of sustenance beyond food.”

“May this Ramadan be the best one yet” – Ramadan Kareem

“Even Laylat ul Qadr, the holiest night in Ramadan, drifts–its precise date is unknown.”

“Fasting is the first principle of medicine.”

“The people will remain upon goodness as long as they hasten to break their fast.”

“When Ramadan begins, the gates of paradise are opened.”

“Periodic fasting can help clear up the mind and strengthen the body and the spirit.”

“The discipline of fasting breaks you out of the world’s routine.”

“Whoever fasts Ramadan out of Imaan and the hope of reward will be forgiven his previous sins.”

“Ramadan is, in its essence, a month of humanist spirituality.”

“Ramadan is a boot camp for the Muslim body and soul. In this Holy month, make every day count.”

“Start the practice of self-control with some penance; begin with fasting.”

“In His infinite mercy, Allah has sent the light of Ramadan to erase the night.”

“To fast is to identify our dependencies, and free ourselves from them.”

“If you are going back to sinful life after Ramadan. Then you gained nothing but hunger.”

“And it is the month of sabar (patience); for sabar the reward is paradise.”

“Ramadan is gifted to you for devotion, purification, and gaining rewards in multiples.”

“Ramadan is like the rain. It nourishes the seeds of good deeds.”

“Allah loves the deeds that are done constantly even if they may be small.”

“May you be showered with peace, joy, and prosperity.”– Happy Ramadan


Ramadan Wishes

Ramadan is a time for Muslims to fast and reflect on their faith. While fasting during Ramadan, Muslims are encouraged to recite the Holy Quran. Ramadan also celebrates the end of the holy month of Shawwal, which marks the end of the pilgrimage to Mecca. it’s important to send Ramadan wishes to loved ones. Whether you’re celebrating with them or sending your prayers their way, make sure to send a Ramadan wish that will make them happy Here are some Ramadan wishes to help you celebrate this holy month in style!

“May Ramadan bring you ever closer to Jannah.”

“The key to success is reflected in the Quran. May we find blessing and guidance as we recite it altogether in the Ramadan Days.” – Happy Ramadan

“May Allah bless you with prosperity and abundance.”

“Ramadan is not a temporary increase in religious practice, it’s a glimpse of what we are capable of doing every day.” – Ramadan Mubarak 2022

“May Allah bless you during the Holy Month.”

“Ramadan Tiem to empty your stomach to feed your soul.” – Ramadan Mubarak in Advance

“Wishing you a healthy and holy fast.”

“Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah. The exalted, bless you and your family with a beautiful month of fasting and nearness to him.”

“Wishing you a happy, healthy, and meaningful holy month.”

“This holy month, we are reminded that the Quran says, “Allah is with those who restrain themselves.”

“Wishing you good health and a warm spirit this Ramadan.”

“May your fast remind you of the abundance we enjoy every day.”

“May Allah bless you and those you love this holy month.”

“Ramadan is not a temporary increase of religious practice it is a glimpse of what we are capable of doing every day.”

Sending your family love and light this Ramadan.”

“Sending wishes of a joyous and prosperous Ramadan to you and your family.”

“May your fast remind you of the sacrifices Allah made for us.”

“Wishing you and your family the blessings.” – Ramadan Mubarak

Sending wishes of a sweet Iftar.”

“Ramadan is the month of blessings… and I’m sure you’ll get your share too… Cuz Allah is happy with you!” – Happy Ramadan

“May Allah be with you throughout your fast.”

“Don’t Change yourself only for Ramadan. But change yourself for your entire life.”

“May your fast be peaceful and profound.”

“Ramadan is coming, The time that is blessed. Ramadan is coming the time we love best.”

“Wishing you a holy and blessed fast.”

“May Allah bless and protect your family during Ramadan and always.”

“May the holy month of Ramadan set your spirit alight.”


Ramadan is a time for reflection, spiritual growth, and spending time with family and friends. To help you mark the month in the most meaningful way possible, we’ve gathered some inspiring Ramadan quotes and wishes! Whether you’re looking to reaffirm your faith or just want to share some happiness with your loved ones, we hope these Ramadan quotes will help lighten your mood and bring you closer to Allah (SWT). Read them and share them with your friends to start Ramadan off on the right foot!

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Funny Birthday Wishes to Make Anyone Laugh

Funny Birthday Wishes

Wishing someone a happy birthday can be really hard. Especially if you don’t know what to say! But that’s why we have made this compilation of hilarious birthday wishes for you. Whether you want to take the easy way out and make fun of the person, or just want to say something nice, if you’re one of those people who lack the words to express your feelings, these funny birthday wishes will do just fine! Birthday wishes come in all shapes, sizes and most of them are hilarious. Here we have compiled a collection of the best 25 funniest birthday wishes that will make you laugh out loud when reading them aloud!

Here we go best Funny Birthday Wishes:

“Going old happens. Growing up is a choice. Happy Birthday.”

“Statistics show that people who live longer have more birthdays, costing us more money for presents!”

“If you counted your birthday in dog years, you’d now be a teenager!”

“Today is your birthday, the only day you’re allowed to say things that you’d regret on any other day.”

“May all your birthday wishes come true — except for the illegal ones!”

“There’s nothing to be worried about getting old. Look at you; you are old and still doing great. Happy Birthday, dear old.”

“May all your birthday wishes come true — except for the illegal ones!”

“Happy birthday, don’t be sad. At least you are not as old as you are going to be the next year. Be happy thinking about that!”

“Happy Birthday. You’re one step closer to diapers being mandatory!”

“you have officially gotten past the teenage years. It’s time to be mature and stop expecting birthday gifts from people. Happy Birthday!”

“Oh yeah! You’re getting closer to the age when the government sends you money every month.”

“You have been alive for so many years, and all you have gained in life is a big fat belly. That’s a big achievement for the loser. Happy Birthday!”

“Congratulations on reaching a new level in the game called life. Have a fun birthday!”

“It’s a very good day to identify all the liars around you. Don’t get fooled by the one that tells you you are still young and beautiful. Happy Birthday”

“It’s your birthday, but make sure you get all your presents before you offend everyone.”

“You have been here for a long time, perhaps since the age of the cave people. No wonder why you are so backdated. Happy Birthday!”

“Another year to kick your bucket list to the curb.”

“I made a list of the words of wisdom I wanted to give you for your birthday. It’s still blank. Maybe next year.”

“Another year to prove that older doesn’t really mean wiser. Happy birthday!”

Short Funny Birthday Wishes

Happy birthday! You’re a very special person, and we all love you very much. We hope you have a wonderful day, and that all your wishes come true. Here are some Short Funny Birthday Wishes that we hope will make your day a little bit more special.

  • “If you were my Uber driver, I’d totally give you five stars. Happy birthday!”
  • “A true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age.”
  • “Your birthday is the perfect excuse to get drunk on a weekday. Bottoms up!”
  • “Pst, don’t grow up! It’s a trap. Happy birthday!”
  • “Smart, good looking, and funny! But enough about me. Happy birthday!”
  • “You might be prehistoric, but at least you’re not extinct! Happy birthday!”
  • “Happy birthday! You don’t look a day older than dirt!” ❤
  • “Happy birthday! Super glad you were born.”
  • I smell old people! Oh, wait no that’s just you. Happy birthday! “
  • “Happy birthday. I hope your day is as nice as your butt ????”
  • “It’s so great that my crazy really vibes with your weird. Happy birthday!”
  • “Wow, look at you growing up and having birthdays! The adult looks good on you????”
  • “I’d give you my last chicken nugget. That’s really saying something. Happy Birthday!”

Funny Birthday Messages

A birthday is a special day, and it deserves a special message. We’ve gathered some of the funniest birthday messages to brighten your day and make you laugh out loud. Whether you’re celebrating your own birthday or someone else’s, these messages will put a smile on your face. So, if you’re looking for a way to make everyone happy on your special day, this is the list for you!

“I hope your birthday is better than the card I sent you…”

“I couldn’t think of a message that would make you laugh for your birthday card… you’re too boring…”

“Seriously, I don’t know how many more of your birthdays I can handle.”

“Even if I was smoking cracks, I would still see the sign of aging on your face. How could anyone not notice that? Happy Birthday, dear but you have to accept the truth!”

“Another year older… and you still can’t grow a beard.”

“I really hope you brushed your teeth this morning! Unfortunately, because I’m not sure, your teeth will survive until next year with your age. “

“You’re the least famous person I know of who was born on your birthday.”

“If you believe in it, you can be anything! But, unless you want to be young again, then I’m afraid you missed that train, old pal! “

“If I made fun of how many years old you are, it would be beyond funny.”

“Getting someone as awesome as me to send a birthday message to you, has undoubtedly been your biggest achievement this year.”

“Happy Birthday! You look beautiful for a person who is one year closer to death. “

“Today, anyone not mentioning in their wishes that you have gotten old and ugly is a liar. Anyway, Happy Birthday dear, you are aging beautifully each year!”

“Don’t feel uncomfortable about your age. We will all one day get as old as you are.”

“Another delicious cake is going to be wasted today for the birthday of a useless person whose existence in this world makes no difference at all. Happy Birthday to that person!”

“I wanted to get you something to remind you of your youth for your birthday, but they were sold out of cave art and dinosaur bones.”


We hope you have a great birthday! Here are above some funny birthday wishes and messages to make your day a little bit brighter. Whether you’re celebrating your big day or just want to make everyone laugh, these messages will have you in a good mood! Our blog is organized into a conveniently categorized list of birthday messages and wishes from all around the globe. Hope You’ve found everything you need on our website to say something funny to your lover on their special day, or just want to laugh with your pals! Everyone, have a wonderful birthday!

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